QOTW: Parent or Friend??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: Parent or Friend??
14
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 9:54am

Thank you to the board member who submitted this topic suggestion!


BOARD QOTW:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:09am

ARRGGHHH!!! Freaking computer ate my post. Starting over.


I think parents can be friends AND parents but there comes a point when you'll have to choose which road you are going to take. When your 12 year old wants to go to a co-ed sleepover where her "boyfriend" will be, you have to decide if you're going to be her friend and make her "happy" and let her go off to this sleepover, or whether you are going to be her parent, make her "miserable" and say no way in he!! are you going to this thing. Sometimes saying yes is easier, it causes less chaos and misery all around, but that's not why you have a child. If you want your life to always be pleasant and stress free, don't have children.


Kristen doesn't want me to be her friend. She's not interested in having me join classes with her or be her coach. She wants me there 100% to cheer her on, to support her, to give hugs when things don't go well, but she wants to have her own life, with her own friends. She wants a parent, she's got lots of friends, but only one Mom and Dad who will love her no matter what and also give her heck if she does the wrong thing. My job is to raise a responsible adult, not a best friend. I can find one of those on my own if I need one.


I think once she's an adult and we've both cut the cord a real friendship can develop, as adults not as adult and child. But even then, I don't want to hear about your sex life, I'm still imagining your first child was conceived by immaculate conception. LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:17am
I have to say I was always taught my best friend is my mother. She is the best friend I will ever have. Because she will not hesitate to tell me what I should do or should not do. I have always been very close to my mom and talked with her about everything. Sure she did things with me and my friends. I never felt uncomfortable about her being around. My friends loved my mom. She did sit back and allowed me to do things with my friends and stood her ground. I love her for that. We always had an understanding like that. So its really hard to answer that kind of question.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:11am

Easy, I am their parent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:20pm
Throughout our lives we have all different kinds of friends. And we need them all. We need parents, who are a particular kind of friend that cannot be replaced or substituted by anyone else. Whether you are a biological parent, a step-parent, an adoptive parent or a foster parent, you must fill this role. And being a parent type of friend, you cannot be any other type of friend. That is my belief. My kids have grandparents, they have teachers, they have coaches, mentors and role models. They have plenty of "pals" and "acquaintances." They have one or two BFFs. They don't need me to be any of those things. They need me to be a parent, so I try my best to give them what they need and be the best parent I can be. Nothing more. And especially nothing less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:29pm
I am my children's mother. Julian

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:30pm

I think the term 'friend' is really not a correct assesment of how I'd want to be to my children. I am defintely the parent, they know I'm going to set and enforce ground rules but on the other hand we want them to find pleasure being WITH US. They know the PARENTS are the one who take them skiing, let them occasionally miss school and do the fun stuff. But all of these privledges are because they DO follow the rules, exceed expectations and deserve a break once in a while from the stresses of being teens. We want them to be comfortable around us, be willing to have serious conversations and feel safe confiding in us. Others have told us that we're too strict on our kids when it comes to chores and rules, but we live by the adage: "Work hard, play hard". We all work hard together and we play hard as well. I don't give concessions because I don't want them mad at me, but we do all respect each other (leaving out the rolling eyes of my 13 yr old girl).

Denise

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 6:04pm

I am my children's parent primarily - it is my job to take care of them, provide for them, guide them, support them in their efforts, advocate for them and set a good example.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:29pm

I try to be their parent FIRST.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:46pm
I am her mother and she knows that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 12:19am
We are parents first, friends second. However we only have a minimal amount of rules and

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


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