QOTW: "Parental Influence"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: "Parental Influence"
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Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:44am

(Thank you to the board member you submitted this question for us)



When I was at the mall a few days ago I saw a little girl (age 7 maybe?) with her Mom (know it was mother/daughter because I heard her call her Mom) and the Mother was dressed head to toe in black- black trenchcoat, heavy black make-up, spiky black hair, etc. Very gothic looking. Not that I have anything against expressing yourself this way, but how do you think it affects the child, if at all? It could be looked at in other ways, for example if the mother was wearing a short miniskirt and a low-cut, see-thru shirt.
So... should mothers stop expressing themselves this way once they have children? And does it affect the children? If so, how?



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Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:53am

I think it depends on the age of the child. I have a friend who is in her late 30's, almost 40. She has had so much plastic surgery it's unbelievable. She's desperate to keep looking like she's in her 20's. She has a teenage daughter who is 18 and this friend wears less clothing than her teen. She also has two other daughters, one is 15 and one is 6. For the 18 year old she has always loved that her mom looks young, acts young and hangs out with her and her friends. The middle daughter isn't close with her mom at all and does her own thing. The baby absolutely despises her mother's appearance and attitude. She has complete meltdowns when her mom has a party, dances, sings, drinks...anything involving fun. LOL! But it's with good reason, this poor little girl has been through numerous nights of her mom passing out drunk or getting sick in front of her. So she equates skimpy clothing, loud music and partying with her mom not doing well.


Matthew doesn't like it if I sometimes sing certain songs that are for "teens". My belief is that kids enjoy acceptance from their parents but they don't want their parents as friends. They need them to be parents. I think it does embarass a lot of kids when their parents dress in an extreme manner. Matthew used to tell me all the time that I didn't look like the other moms, and I didn't. It's just amazing that he noticed at such a young age. In his mind, a mom was supposed to be very conservative, with short hair and weigh more than I did. I am younger so I dressed more hip, have long hair, and I'm petite. I've often been mistaken for Matthew's older sister. He hates that too. So I do think parental influence plays a role with children. It can make them resentful, angry, withdrawn. Or in my friends case with her oldest, it can actually make them "friends".

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 4:25pm
honestly i applaud whoever it was...it is showing the child that no matter what , she can express herself the way she wants not worrying about what others think...if any of you knew me, you would know that i had 3 tongue rings, my eyebrow is still pierced , i have 5 holes in one ear, 4 in the other, and 7 tattoo's, where most of them show..and if so ill get more...it doesnt effect my children one bit what-so-ever and also if i could pull it off, i would have my hair all spiky, i dye it black every october, then in the spring, go back to my normal red..but im a down to earth mom and never worried about what anyone has ever thought of me :) BUT i couldnt go that route with the trenchcoat though LOL





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