QOTW: Parenting the ins and outs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: Parenting the ins and outs
8
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:06am

(Thank you to the board member who submitted this board topic)
QOTW:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:48am

Well, I never wanted kids till I hit 28 so there wasn't much of a fantasy life going on. I always fantasized about one girl and I got that. LOL To be honest it hasn't been that hard. She was a good baby, no colic and while certainly not perfect I had no complaints and it continues. So not sure if it is better, worse or the same that I imagined.


I parent alot like my parents although perhaps a bit more firm. But I was given lots of freedom (easier to do on a farm than in the city) but I give my DD alot more freedom than many parents do. I was also never told I couldn't do something because it was too dangerous (to a point evidently) and I don't do that to Kristen either. You

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 10:35am
I would like to say i parent differently than my parents. I suppose in some ways we are the same. However I try to remember how I felt as a child when my mom would not answer me or act a different way. I try to remember how I felt as a child and how I really wanted my mom to say something positive to me or encouraging and she did not. So I try to remember to speak more positively and helpful to jackie than my parents did to me.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:43am
QOTW:

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:02pm

I never really thought much about kids one way or another until I had my own, so I never spent much time imagining how I'd be. I remember when I was trying to get pregnant I thought it would be so much easier and nicer to be staying at home with a baby! Ha!

I like to think I'm a very thoughtful parent. I mean I put a lot of thought, effort and energy into how I parent my children. I think parents of my childhood (I'm 40 and the youngest) didn't really involve themselves like parents do today. Being the youngest I think my parents were just worn out by the time I came along. I didn't think they really paid much attention to what I did, but I know now that isn't true. My mom made the house very unwelcoming for me to play inside or have friends over. I played elsewhere or outside. My mom was very consumed with the house being clean and quiet.

In high school I was pretty much on my own, I had no curfew, etc.

The thing I learned from them however was to attend every single game and activity my kids are in. My parents never missed a game, a show or any kind of event. My dad had a pretty big job so I realize now how hard that had to have been for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:16pm
I parent very differently than my mom did, but I am raising my kids of under very different circumstances. She was a divorced mom in the '60's when it was not socially acceptable. She was a very authoritarian parent and I think she felt that she could prove to to the rest of the world she could be a good parent even though we were from a "broken home".

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 2:09pm
hank you to the board member who submitted this board topic)
QOTW:
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 7:00pm

Well, I never even considered being a parent until I was thirty!! LOL!!!
When I was younger, I'm sure that I thought I knew exactly how to handle all situations. Hands-on parenting teaches you that there is no "book" or "rules" that you really follow. The best you have is guidelines and common sense. Truthfully, I never fantasized about having children. When I did decide, it wasn't about my expectation, but about responsibility. I've never looked at my children as "mine" so much.

I find myself parenting like my parents did almost to a tee. Especially in the heat of the moment, you just naturally fall into the type of behavior that was modeled to you as you grew up. I see that in my dh as well. At the same time, the older I get and the more my own innovations fail to work, I gain more respect for my parents' way of doing things, even (especially?) those things I always swore I HATED and would NEVER do myself. (Except, of course, saying "stop-crying-or-I'll-give-you-something-to-cry-about.") I thought I'd be more laid back and permissive, but I find that when we're strict it's better for all of us. I'm sure they'll blame us and "hate" us for something or other. But maybe, like me, they will some day come to realize the method behind the "mad"ness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:15pm

QOTH:

First of all, I haven't been around this board lately, Hi everyone

I always wanted kids. I fantacized a lot. But I didn't meet my husband til late in life, Then we had fertility problems. So to make a long story short, I really really really wanted my kids and had made tons of promises to mysterious forces that I would be a perfect parent.

So then we finally adopted twins. At this point I absolved myself from the perfect parenting promise. I could only be reasonable. Then they both turned out to have ADHD. So then I could no longer be just reasonable. When they started school, they both had pretty bad reading disabilities. One of them also has some anxiety issues as well as speech problems. Now they're 11 and still require much more intense parenting than my sister & I required. We had been your prototypical compliant, high-achieving girls. We got into occasional mischief and bickered with each other, but my kids test limits I never even dreamed of, constantly. So, I'm constantly reading parenting books, incorporating still another behavioral psychology technique into my repertoire. Even so, we have many more occasions to yell.

My childhood was incredibly boring. I mostly hung around the house and read. My kids are big into participation. They go go go all the time and sign up for everything. And we live in an area where there is so much to do it's dizzying.

My mom was very much into conformity. I'm positive that if my mom were still alive, she would be in a constant tizzy about the way I raise my kids. I don't require my girls to stay within feminine stereotypes. But then, they wouldn't have gone along with that anyway. When my twins gave up napping at about 19 months, she had a fit. She used to call me every day to inquire into what they were wearing and what they were eating. No matter what my answer, it would be wrong. It seemed to be my fate to be sandwiched between two very strongwilled generations. But 8 or 9 years after her death, I've finally stopped hearing my mom's critiques run through my head. I pick my battles carefully and have long ago let go on issues like appropriate weather gear or perfectly balanced diets. The twins are healthy, popular with peers & adults, and can be pretty independent. Now I just need to get them through school without having their spirits crushed.

One thing that I do find myself doing, which I hated my mother doing, is discussing my kids difficulties with all of my friends. I just can't seem to stop worrying and whatever I worry about comes out my mouth. I've learned a lot from other people that way, but I'm conscious that it might be bothersome to my kids. I also swore I'd be more patient than my parents, but now I can see how incredibly patient they actually were. My patience was long ago worn to the raw quick.

Diane