QOTW: Parenting Styles

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Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: Parenting Styles
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Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:19am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:08am

Well, I guess I am fortunate that Kristen does not spend alot of time at other kids houses so is not too exposed and those where she does go have a similar style to me.


I suppose the ones that drive me nuts are those that don't emphasize scholastics and don't seem to really care if little Suzie is bringing home an "R" (we don't have F's) and its not because the child doesn't have the brains but doesn't have the motivation. And they just let it go. Thankfully Kristen is not friends with those particular kids so I don't really have to explain things to her. In general I just reinforce our priorities in life, our values and sometimes use things kids have done to point out why its not such a great idea. I am also one of those parents who says "I don't care if friend B gets to do X, Y and Z, you're not. End of story. If they jumped off a bridge would you? No. Then forget it." Lordy I'm harsh. LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:13am
The parents that drive me nuts are the ones who think their child can do no wrong. Usually that kid is the one stirring up all the trouble. The hover mothers were annoying when my kids were little and these ladies wouldn't even let their children play on swingsets without being right there. I think the worst kind of parent is the one whose goal in life is to be friends with their children instead of parents. They have friends, they need parents. Now, I have a close relationship with my kids, but they need the security of knowing we're there to help them, to put parameters on their behavior, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:23am

I think the biggest parenting issue that irks me RIGHT NOW (trust me they've changed many times) is how parents let their 12/13 year olds dress. My daughter is in Girl Scouts and the girls really do come from good, caring families. Unfortunately one of her best friends is allowed to dress "rocker style", meaning heavy black eye makeup, huge dangling earrings, all or mostly black clothes...almost Goth type. Her favorite place to shop is Hot Topic, a store I won't even let my kid go into! Her other best friend from this troop dresses athletic at school (t-shirts and track pants) but at home she dresses in 'very little'. She's an only child so I guess not having an older brother in the house like we do isn't an issue. The last time I picked up my daughter from an over-nighter there, she was wearing a tiny tank with her bra and belly hanging out with a teeny floppy sweater that didn't cover anything except one shoulder. I had to make her put another shirt on under..hello we're going out to lunch with dad and brother and there's about 5 ft of snow on the ground!? Did she want to freeze to death? The mother was embarassed and commented that she wasn't as strict about what her daughter wears as I am...here I was worried she'd be COLD from wearing so few clothes! Topping that was finding a computer print out yesterday of photos these girls took modeling with each other...I know I did that too as a kid but dang it looked like kiddie porn!

So here I am left to fight the clothing fight..can't girls just want to look nice and not 'bad' or 'slutty'? If they're dressing like this NOW, what's left to do when they get into high school? Her turning 13 a couple of weeks ago has really brought this to a head..she thinks as an 'official teenager' that she should be dressing as she perceives teens to be. And don't get me started on the 'hoochie heels' she's determined to be allowed to wear!

Hehe...I DID tell her that if she tried to wear all black, or to sneak certain items off to school to wear that I'd be removing her from school and homeschooling her! Life has been much better since that! HAHA!!

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:49am

I am dealing with a couple of different Moms that I can't take anymore.

One mom is the one whose kid can do no wrong. There is always some drama going on that is not her daughters fault. So many times she is telling me stories of how this and that happened to her daughter and it is NEVER caused by something she has done. The daughter is very spoiled and not very well liked. Her mom has been basically "buying" friends for her daughter. I'm not kidding. She had a Christmas party sleepover where 3 other girls were invited because she said her daughter had some presents she wanted to give to her friends. Hannah ended up buying 3 presents (for the girls attending--like a gift exchange--spent about $10 each) Hannah comes home with about $60 worth of presents from this friend. They also had gone out for dinner, lunch and then she invited them all to a movie. I know my daughter sees this because one day she's telling me how she thinks Mrs. G is trying to buy friends for A.

The other HUGE issue with this mom is that her daughter did not make the Varsity BBAll team (neither did Hannah). She thinks it is a big conspiracy against her daughter, how all the coaches hate her. Her daughter is not that good and she goofs off all the time. I just don't understand how she doesn't see that maybe it's something with her daughter--it happens all the time!! She's always grouping Hannah and A together and complaining to the coach why don't they get to play varsity. I've had to talk to the coach to tell him I have nothing to do with her comments! SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! By the way, Hannah gets along with this girl but I don't think she considers her a good friend.

OK sorry for the rant. Sometimes it feels good to just complain!! I really don't know how to deal with her. I have stopped sitting by her at games which is where a lot of this discussion is going on!

The other mom is a little more serious problem. It's the mom of my son's best friend. She is an alcoholic and I don't think she thinks anyone knows. She comes to school events reeking of alcohol. She never seems like she is drunk or anything but I can't even sit by her. I have to admit I don't really like her. She has a very abrasive personality that I can't deal with. I have suspicions that she has a bottle in her purse and goes to the bathroom to take a swig, but I have never seen her do it. I know she doesn't drive after noon--her husband is always carting the kids to events. I have let my son spend the night at their house and he has never said anything about her at all. (except that in the morning they had to whisper so they wouldn't wake Mom up! Didn't have the heart to explain that to him!)

Sorry I kind of complained this whole post. When I complain to my husband about these two he doesn't want to hear it. He wants to think good of everyone and doesn't want to hear me complain about them

Karin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:56am

I know different parents have different styles and try to go with it.

Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 12:42pm

Too funny! I admit I was one of those kids because my kids were considered 'spirited'...meaning the minute I was more than two steps away they'd be doing something life threatening to themselves to see me freak or running off to stomp on someone's newly planted flowers! :P

They're much better now!

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 1:31pm
ODD has a friend whose mother is actually a friend of mine but sometimes she drives me crazy. Whenever her DD has a project due she is always sick the day it is due. For example DD and her friend had 3 projects due the day before Christmas break. Well the night before DD and her friend are volunteering at the mall wrapping christmas presents with the foster parents society. Well her friend is sick the next day. I am thinking surprise, surprise. Well Monday they go back to school and they have another project due that day. Well her friend is at school on Monday but is "sick" Tuesday. On Thursday she finally hands in all 4 projects. It really bugs me b/c she has done this since the girls started getting projects in fourth grade. I would love to ask her how she feels this is benefitting her DD since she will not learn about deadlines etc. BTW this is the same friend who is constantly late for everything. Her mom acts like her DD is so much smarter then the rest of the kids because she always gets selected for enrichment and i feel like saying well of course her work is better then alot of the other kids because she has had extra time to work on it (that being said DD and her have the same grades).
The other one that really concerns me is my friend down the street. She constantly swears in front of her kids and then doesn't understand why her 7 year old swears. Well hello?
Also she fights with her 12 year old alot, she doesn't really act like a parent alot of the time. Yesterday, they had an arguement and she called me and said "I don't want that little B living with me anymore i have had enough of her crap"! I was stunned. She told her to get out of the house and not to come back. I told her she couldn't talk about her that way or to her that way. I went looking for her with her mom. When we found her i told the mom to wait in the car while i talked to her. We had a good chat and i told her if she ever feels like she needs to get away to come to my house. I feel sorry for the kids because i think given some proper parenting they could be pretty good kids. My friend constantly talks bad about their dad. If he calls they are not allowed to answer the phone etc. He is no prize either as a matter of fact i think he is worse then she is. She has some glimmer of hope whereas he is an idiot. I think in her own weird way she does try she just doesn't know how to go about it.
Well thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 8:02pm

One of my biggest parenting gripes right now are the parents who don't set good examples for their kids by doing stupid things like lying, stealing, etc.

I am the VP for our parent/teacher committee and I help run several fundraisers. I recently had to deal with a mom who sold items in a fundraiser to her neighbor, but pocketed the money and then moved away! I actually didn't have alot of contact with the mom, but I had to deal with the neighbor. The mom blew me off.

We also did a fundraiser where we sent home a coupon book, and they were supposed to take orders, and either buy the book we sent home or return it. We had 50 families who did not return the book or pay for it. We had several who returned the books with coupons missing.

It ticks me off...what are these people teaching their children?? It's ok to take things that don't belong to you?? I just wish parents would THINK and set a good example for their kids.

Another parenting gripe I have is parents who badmouth teachers and staff in front of their kids. I hear this all the time outside of school, and I can't stand it! It is so disrespectful! It's ok to not care for someone, but geesh, keep it to yourself!

Marcy

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Registered: 06-29-2001
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:06pm

Things that make me batty are parents who accept and/or expect bad behavior from their kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:16pm
What about a topic on dealing with parents of your child's friends? How you deal with differing parenting styles, or you just don't get along with them, or they talk about their kids all the time.

What style of parenting(or even examples of a parent of your childs peers) drives you the most batty?


What drives me batty is parents who play favorites!!If you have 1 kid then of course fine. When there is others you need to equally show the love in some way. I know someone who constantly does this. I called it The "Token Child" syndrome. I just don't like it at all.


I know there is a ton of different parenting styles and I try to respect that from my friends. I have gotten into it a few times with some of my friends and we are adults and just know our boundaries. For instance I have a friend who has 2 kids both girls. One is 12 and the other is 7. The 12 year is of course Kiana's friend. The 7 yr old gets along really well with Vanessa & Jazmine. Say the 12 yr old wants to come and spend the night she can't because her sister can't. I don't agree with that. I certainly have to be in the mood for 2 extra kids.


I have quite a few friends who are just the total opposite of me and we get along just fine. Actually they are my best friends. I just figure they can take a little from, and I can take a little from them in some way.

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Brittany (Mom2fivedrews)


Kiana "The Basketball Star" 12 years old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins" 9 years old


Olivia "The Princess"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

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