I agree that it's not a one time, sit down and talk kind of thing, but I did have to take the reins and have the big talk with both ds and dd because hubby couldn't stomach the idea and do it! LOL!
I have recently posted on this, explaining how I bought "Sex and the New You" for ds close to the end of 5th grade (they were going to have the 'hygeine and puberty video) and I felt that this was information he should get from me first..then he could watch it with his class. We spent the day together and he had to read a chapter, then ask me a question. They were as simple as "Do YOU?..." and "You DO?". THere were a lot of EWWW's but he got the idea.
I gave this same book to my daughter on a cross country road trip at the end of 5th grade, after the first chapter asked "Has Nick read this book?". When I said yes she said EWWWW and refused to read any more. I know she still has it and she and her friends share it.
I find opportunity to discuss issues surrounding sex in common, everyday activities. Reading an article on the 'Sexualization of Young Girls" in the sunday paper led to a discussion, followed up at Target when we happened to remember and looked at the Bratz dolls referenced in the article and I was able to show her what they were talking about.
I'm not going into any graphic details with my kids but I'd like to think that we can discuss the subject casually. My parents never did with me, except for the mention of "I sure hope you at least wait until you're 18." I don't think it really effected me in any way because I think as teens you discuss it more with your friends than your parents anyway. The info we all shared was pretty accurate and with so much readily available to learn from it's not really the mystery it was when our parents were kids! I feel we need to focus more on the morals and values we want our kids to learn because all of the media exposure they get certainly teaches them more about it at this age than we did!
I started with the basics of reproduction when she was very little. When she was about 5 she was obsessed with human anatomy and used to take out anatomy books from the library so she knew all about body parts and how a baby is conceived and born. Well, she didn't know the details of HOW the sperm got to the eggs, but she knew it was a shared effort. One time when she was about 7 she had a book on dinosaurs. One of the pictures was two dinosaurs mating in the bush. (no details but it said what they were doing) So she flashes me the picture and says "So is that what you and Daddy did?" After choking I just said "Not exactly" LOL No details.
When she was 9ish we had the big talk. She is NOT a kid who asks questions. She will be 30 and NEVER ask me a question no matter how many times I say she can, so I have to bring it up. She has the Care and Keeping of You but I may look into that book that Denise mentioned. I brought home a condom from work one day (some awareness day and there was a big basket on a table - unfortunately I brought home a lubricated so was kind of messy) but I sat her down and we opened it and looked at it and she touched it. If nothing else I wanted her to know what one looks like and you never ever touch it if you find it on the ground. I also emphasized that a guy must ALWAYS wear one when having sex. (We'll get into the grey areas later for now I mean ALWAYS).
After someone told on the internet about their Grade 3 niece being pressured to perform oral sex on the bus we had a little discussion about that. She wasn't sure what I was talking about exactly until I said "puts his penis in your mouth" then the look on her face was priceless. But I know more and more kids are having oral sex and thinking its not sex and doesn't count. So I made sure that she knew I consider that sex, its very personal and NOT something you do just for fun, its serious business.
I haven't given any specific no's like "you don't have sex until you are married" or until a certain age. My belief pattern does follow that line of abstinence until marriage, but obviously the longer she waits the better in my mind. I try to use examples of when her friends "break up" and how much havoc it causes and friendships broken that young kids are not ready to have relationships and its really complicated. I emphasize (when discussed) that is something that two people who love each other share, its something special and important and not just the same as playing raquetball.
I don't believe in "the talk."
<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>
I agree that it's not a one time, sit down and talk kind of thing, but I did have to take the reins and have the big talk with both ds and dd because hubby couldn't stomach the idea and do it! LOL!
I have recently posted on this, explaining how I bought "Sex and the New You" for ds close to the end of 5th grade (they were going to have the 'hygeine and puberty video) and I felt that this was information he should get from me first..then he could watch it with his class. We spent the day together and he had to read a chapter, then ask me a question. They were as simple as "Do YOU?..." and "You DO?". THere were a lot of EWWW's but he got the idea.
I gave this same book to my daughter on a cross country road trip at the end of 5th grade, after the first chapter asked "Has Nick read this book?". When I said yes she said EWWWW and refused to read any more. I know she still has it and she and her friends share it.
I find opportunity to discuss issues surrounding sex in common, everyday activities. Reading an article on the 'Sexualization of Young Girls" in the sunday paper led to a discussion, followed up at Target when we happened to remember and looked at the Bratz dolls referenced in the article and I was able to show her what they were talking about.
I'm not going into any graphic details with my kids but I'd like to think that we can discuss the subject casually. My parents never did with me, except for the mention of "I sure hope you at least wait until you're 18." I don't think it really effected me in any way because I think as teens you discuss it more with your friends than your parents anyway. The info we all shared was pretty accurate and with so much readily available to learn from it's not really the mystery it was when our parents were kids! I feel we need to focus more on the morals and values we want our kids to learn because all of the media exposure they get certainly teaches them more about it at this age than we did!
Denise
I started with the basics of reproduction when she was very little. When she was about 5 she was obsessed with human anatomy and used to take out anatomy books from the library so she knew all about body parts and how a baby is conceived and born. Well, she didn't know the details of HOW the sperm got to the eggs, but she knew it was a shared effort. One time when she was about 7 she had a book on dinosaurs. One of the pictures was two dinosaurs mating in the bush. (no details but it said what they were doing) So she flashes me the picture and says "So is that what you and Daddy did?" After choking I just said "Not exactly" LOL No details.
When she was 9ish we had the big talk. She is NOT a kid who asks questions. She will be 30 and NEVER ask me a question no matter how many times I say she can, so I have to bring it up. She has the Care and Keeping of You but I may look into that book that Denise mentioned. I brought home a condom from work one day (some awareness day and there was a big basket on a table - unfortunately I brought home a lubricated so was kind of messy) but I sat her down and we opened it and looked at it and she touched it. If nothing else I wanted her to know what one looks like and you never ever touch it if you find it on the ground. I also emphasized that a guy must ALWAYS wear one when having sex. (We'll get into the grey areas later for now I mean ALWAYS).
After someone told on the internet about their Grade 3 niece being pressured to perform oral sex on the bus we had a little discussion about that. She wasn't sure what I was talking about exactly until I said "puts his penis in your mouth" then the look on her face was priceless. But I know more and more kids are having oral sex and thinking its not sex and doesn't count. So I made sure that she knew I consider that sex, its very personal and NOT something you do just for fun, its serious business.
I haven't given any specific no's like "you don't have sex until you are married" or until a certain age. My belief pattern does follow that line of abstinence until marriage, but obviously the longer she waits the better in my mind. I try to use examples of when her friends "break up" and how much havoc it causes and friendships broken that young kids are not ready to have relationships and its really complicated. I emphasize (when discussed) that is something that two people who love each other share, its something special and important and not just the same as playing raquetball.