QOTW - Using Facebook Humiliation as Punishment

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
QOTW - Using Facebook Humiliation as Punishment
7
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 12:46pm

I'm curious of other parent's thoughts on the use of social media humiliation as a discipline took for their children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 7:15pm

Tempting as it is to post something on your kid's page like "How many times do I have to remind you to flush?" I do not think I would ever go through with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 8:01pm

I have never thought of shame as a useful discipline tool for my children, but I don't want to judge the parents who do. Maybe they're at their wits' end and have tried everything. I just don't know.

I can't help but think that if you are consistent with discipline all along, you won't need to resort to such a measure, though. The few interviews I've heard with parents who do this sort of thing make it pretty clear that although they said "no," they weren't so good at enforcing it. If you've got a strong-willed child, you just have to put up with some conflict to parent them properly, and a lot of people really hate conflict.

My heart aches for the father who posted the viral video in which he read his daughter's nasty FB post, then shot up her computer. What I saw was a vulnerable father who believed he'd given his daughter everything (HUGE mistake, by the way) and truly didn't understand why she'd treat him the way she did. Instead of anger, I saw hurt masquerading as machismo.

If there's a lesson in this rash of revenge parenting videos, it's "don't let your no mean yes." If you raise your child with limits and empathy, in most cases, he or she will develop enough of a conscience to not need shame as a punishment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2010
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 8:48am

IF

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 9:58am

I actually asked Jordyn about this last evening to see what her response was.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 11:20am

No I definitely don't agree w/ public humiliation--there are plenty of other ways that the mother could have punished her DD, like not allowing her on the computer or phone or making her stay home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2010
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 11:24am
I made changes to my response cause I actually saw a report on it just after I posted my opinion. They were interviewing the mom. Natalie does the same stuff her daughter was doing and yes, I would do something similar.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 1:00pm

I tease DD on facebook on occasion but she does it right back. Our friends understand our relationship, know that we always tease eachother and so they really don't take that sort of stuff seriously. I wouldn't purposely embarrass a child on facebook or in public. I had a woman try to shame me on my own facebook. My family had one single day totally free after 2 months of craziness... I chose to spend that day with them instead of volunteering for her event. She left me a public nasty gram about how I should be spending that time off. I was so mad that I chose NOT to volunteer the next 2 days for which I actually HAD planned on helping. If facebook shame makes ME that rebellious, I can only imagine how my kids would take it lol.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 11:09pm
I did not see this as that bad. She did not have a "bad" picture of her kid like on the toilet or sleeping with drool. She wrote that the kid was off FB and phone for a bit. I did not care for the airing of dirty laundry, that was not helpful. When my kids were grounded and their friends call the house, I say that I am sorry they can't be coming to the phone or can't go out as they are grounded. If they ask why, I tell them to ask at practice, school, etc...that my kid will tell them if they want to let the them in the know. The purpose of punishment is to teach something, not lower yourself to sophmoric levels.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!