A question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
A question
8
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:54pm
Dd is 10. She will be going into 5th grade in the fall. The music teacher is sending home something about the strings program, they start with strings then add other instruments (sp) beginning in middle school Dd has her heart set on playing either the violin or viola. Fine, I don't have a problem with that.

The problem lays in the fact that this child has a horrible habit of picking something up, then losing interest in it b/c it's "too hard". She was in dance for 2 years. She went up to the older age group, the girls were being asked to do more, and she was in tears when she had to go. I let her drop it. She lasted in soccer for 1 season, hated it. Same thing happened with gymnastics.

My main worry is that the same thing is going to happen with strings. But- I don't think she can drop it,( at least during the school year) the kids get a grade for participating (S,N or U, I have a problem with this but that's another post) Though she does like music, she sings in kid's choir at church, and is having a blast with the short musical the kids are putting on in a couple of weeks. Dh is musical, he can read music, but he can't play strings.

Maybe I'm being panicky, and this will all turn out fine, but I don't know, given her track record. Any advice?

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: sneakymom1
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:09pm

It probably wont be a problem...she will already know that it is not optional to quit during the year, so she probably wont even ask.

Kim

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: sneakymom1
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:15pm
DS11 was given the option to take strings before school 2 days/week in 4th grade. He wasn't remotely interested. Come 5th grade, he HAD to take violin (meaning life would stop if he didn't; not that it was required by the school!), which was during school, 3 days/week (if I remember right). He LOVED it. It was all truly in when he was ready and willing to take on the instrument. He's now about to finish 6th grade and is in 'advanced strings' (vs. the regular strings that a lot of 6th graders are in) - he truly loved it and advanced quickly. However, this year he's got strings daily, which I'll admit seems a bit excessive (til this year, the middle school used to do every other day orchestra or band); he likes class and what they're playing, but doesn't like the 'required' daily practices on top of that (the teacher requests they do 30 minutes, 6 days/week, log it, and get it signed by parents - we let him do 15 minutes, 6 days/week knowing he has 42 minutes of class with it 5 days/week).

Anyway, ds has been known not to be thrilled with some extracurriculars he's chosen or been talked into (soccer being the biggest offender), but this is a SCHOOL thing (as is yours). I wouldn't worry (or even hint to your dd that you are). That's a responsibility, just like PE or art or math or science, etc. Once you're in there, it's your job to do your best, etc. You can't drop classes!

And BTW, in 7th, it is no longer a requirement here to take any kind of music (you had to, prior; this year in 6th it could be orchestra (strings), band, chorus or general music (theory)). Yet ds says that's when they learn vibrato, so he wants to continue, even knowing about the daily practice and class requirements, plus the requirement that if you're in 7th grade orchestra, you're also assumed to go into 8th. So as it was HIS choosing when he was ready, it worked for us.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
In reply to: sneakymom1
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:13pm

Hello and welcome!!

Sherrie Rainbow

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
In reply to: sneakymom1
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:35am
Hi, I've been lurking around here, and I just want to thank you for posting this! My dd does the same thing, and its a relief to see that other kids her age are doing the same thing. I had been really divided about the issue, on one hand, you don't want to frustrate them so they don't want to do anything, on the other, am I teaching her that if something is too hard that just giving up is ok? Our thing was band this year... she HATED it and I let her quit,but not without hearing from someone that its such a shame I would just allow her to quit, and gee what was that teaching her..just to add some more anxiety to my already neurotic personality, I think. At any rate..I think because she had to divide her time between speech ( my dd is dyslexic, and speech is helping her connect the sounds a word makes to the letters, to aid in her decoding skills) and band, so she wasn't catching on..but the good thing of all of this is she did find out that she loves chorus, which she has kept up, and she has a solo in the spring concert this year.( Sorry,had to brag there a little bit!:) She's a little afraid of the idea of singing in front of people, but...and here's the good thing, she has just kept plugging along, so I guess its just a matter of " finding their thing" to quote my dd.

Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
In reply to: sneakymom1
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 1:46pm

Hello and Welcome to you Heather.

Sherrie Rainbow

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
In reply to: sneakymom1
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:33pm
I would just make sure you stress to her that you would love for her to participate, however she needs to remember that she CAN NOT drop out, the school won't allow it and stress that to her.

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Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sneakymom1
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:01pm

Welcome, Heather! Glad you jumped in on this one. Yay for your dd and her solo! Hope to see you here often.

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
In reply to: sneakymom1
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:47am
Wow, I just posted the "Music or no music?" thread a few minutes ago before reading this one. It's a relief that other parents are grappling with the same dilemma. Do we let her quit? If we do, what does that teach them? How will she become skilled at anything if I let her quit before she has a chance to become good? Or is this just not the activity that stirs my child's passion, and I need to let her move on to something that she CAN feel passionate about? I SO love bouncing back and forth in my own head!

Because of that last point (i.e., maybe she just hasn't found her passion yet), I think I'd let her try it with the stipulation that it's a minimum of a one-year commitment.

Good luck, and keep me posted!

-- Steph

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p