Question for working Moms

Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Question for working Moms
8
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 1:06pm

Working Moms: Do you worry about missing your children’s important milestones because of work? Were there any that you missed? If so, how did you deal with it?

We'd love to hear your thoughts!

Lisa

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 2:38pm

I always worked; DH became a SAHD when our older kids were 3yo and 6mo.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 1:41pm
Hmm, I think maybe you are taking this too personally and getting a bit defensive without needing too. I'm not suggesting your own choices are bad and I'm glad you are totally comfortable with them! I just disagreed that it's a "silly question"... like a new parent shouldn't even consider whether those things would be important to them or not. It's very important to think about these things when making your child rearing choices. Personally, I like the balance of a mom and part-time employment. For us, we didn't want outside caregivers and it really had nothing to do with having to see first milestones. That was just what we were comfortable with and we have no regrets. For others, being home full-time is where it's at. For others, it's full time work. Milestones mean different things to different people but in my experience, those that were most concerned about missing them once in awhile were those that hadn't found their own ideal family balance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1999
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:01pm
While the kids were young I was a SAHM. We lived far from any family support and DH was out of town 4 days a week with his job. I am thankful for the experience but still missed milestones. DS rolled over for the first time for a babysitter while I was at a dental appointment. What I was most thankful for however, was the opportunity to care for my children before they were at the point they could speak for themselves. Like another poster said when you see your child do something for the first time, in your eyes it is the first time and that is all that matters. I work as a sub teacher now, though I work most days of the week, I still have a bit of flexibility if there is something at school that I want to see. Today is a prime example, I get to go watch DD compete in her last spelling bee :-(
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 9:54pm
I was a sahm for 11 years, but ran a part time daycare and later went to work out of the house, I missed some and caught some. My kids are now teens, I still miss milestones. I was picking up my ds when my dd received her first schoarship offer, but we rejoyced later. I am sure that I will miss things when she is away at school. I figure I better be happy with what I can be there for and get to hear all about later!!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 7:15pm

Respectfully, I don't think it's different or better. If someone chose not to work in order to not miss any milestones because they felt a need to see all of the milestones themselves, it could be devastating to have baby do a first for dad or other family member. You still missed it and you're still going to hear about it.

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 6:10pm
I do think it's different when you are talking of dad or sister seeing "firsts" then if a paid caregiver does. My friends who worked full-time really cried about missing "firsts." Honestly, I don't think it's the milestones in themselves as much as what they represent. They are indisputable reminders that a child is growing and changing. A mom who is already feeling like they don't get enough time with their baby can put a lot of weight on those early milestones. A mom who is with their child most of their waking hours may not put the same weight on them. There is just so much guilt attached to ANY choice you make as a mother. Little things like missing a first step can hit hard emotionally if you aren't totally comfortable with your choices.
Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 5:22pm

My kids are well past the age of milestones.

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 3:30pm

DH and I both agreed that we wanted someone home with the kids as much as possible. In the beginning, we could not afford a SAHP so we worked opposite hours starting when DD was 3 weeks old. It was difficult but we managed it for 4 years until DH was given a position that could support my staying home with DD and our then newborn DS. I stayed home the following 3 years and then found a part-time position that allowed me to work while the kids were in school.) I left work last year in order to allow my kids to attend specialty schools and continue in activities that require a lot of transportation and flexibility on my part. I plan to go back in the fall. Personally, I really like the part-time option as I enjoy working and with college coming up and cars on their last legs, we can't really afford me not to be working much longer.

My kids seemed to save most their milestones for when we were all together.