Really really demanding 11 yo DS
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:10pm |
Hello!
This problem might have a lot to do with his age, but, when your kid makes you cry on a daily basis, there must be more. He yells at me and demands we go places, or demands I buy him things. He outright has a temper tantrum if his needs aren't met at this very moment! He just cannot wait. Of course, this has a wearing out affect on me. I have five kids and he is my second youngest. I'm also single so it makes it really hard.
He just doesn't seem to show any empathy either. I remind him of all the things he has and how lucky he is, and the fact that there are many children without anything. He just says "I don't care about other people!" That makes me really sad.
One the other hand, he's loving, caring, sometimes generous - to me anyway, hugs me all the time.. so what's the problem? His Dad (my X) is bipolar and also X's Dad was. (Passed away). Could he be too? I thought he was depressed, but he is also very angry. He sees therapists but refuses to talk.
I thought he might be mad at his Dad and me for splitting up... but then, he has always been difficult even as a baby. He use to pee down the carpeted stairway, at age 4. He did it on purpose and more than once. He continues to break the rules and refuses to put on his seatbelt when someone ask him to. If he doesn't get asked (to see if he will do it on his own), he doesn't do it at all. It's like he wants me to be upset or he wants negative attention. He gets tons of positive attention though. He just doesn't seem to want to be happy. He's always miserable.
My feeling is that he isn't happy INSIDE and needs to make other people happy in order to feel happiness within himself. Like helping out the poor, or Christmas hampers. Something. What do you think? I let a lot go, blaming his behaviour on his age, but still.
thanks for any input

It does sounds like he has something more than typical 11 year old pain in the butt syndrome. First thing you should do is make an appointment with a Dr. and have him checked out. Explain to the Dr. the family history of bipolar and take notes of his behaviour and the symptoms you see that make you concerned. Perhaps he can be tested in some way to see if that is a factor. There are bipolar children, its not that rare.
You could try this board on Children's mental health http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pschildmentl
Powered by CGISpy.com
Hugs, I can only imagine the stress and frustration your feeling!
Powered by CGISpy.com
Early onset bipolar disorder is not that uncommon. BP can be hereditary and it is important to address it on a symptomatic basis. My son actually had a BP dx two years ago but they changed it to anxiety dx in January due to way his symptoms progressed.
There is a board here on IVillage that deals with children and bipolar disorder. It's a great group and I'm sure you will find it most helpful in dealing with the behaviors you are seeing with your son.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppchildnbd
stacy
Thank you everyone! I do have three kids with ADD, and one with other issues. The 11 yo is very attentative. It's not that. He has learning difficulties and is a little aware of his weight right now. He thinks he's a little chubby, but he's perfect to me. That is something that bothers him too.
I know it's a lot to do with his age and, for sure, I would like to get another therapist. He absolutely hates the one he has. This is the second one now, besides all the ones he's seen through the school. He's been to the course called "Caught in the Middle" and hated it. Refused to participate. I took him to another group called "Food for Thought", which he didn't mind since it wasn't totally directed at him and I also got to stay and participate, along with a bunch of other parents and kids.
My oldest son has ADD, OCD, ODD, and anger issues. (different father). I see a lot of Oppositional Defiance in my 11 yo as well. He hasn't been diagnosed with anything even though I've taken him to the psychiatrist for an evaluation. He refuses to speak with that psychiatrist and we've been there many times with the same outcome. You can't get much out of a child who won't talk.
Right now, the therapist he is seeing is suppose to be an Art Therapist. He seems to put a lot of feelings into his drawings. Most of them are of me and his Dad, alone with him. Just the three of us.
I always praise him for absolutely everything he does positive. Even for getting through a grounding. I told him how proud of him I was that he accomplished those many days of being stuck at home, even though I know how hard it was for him. It put a smile on his face because he didn't think of it that way. As as accomplishment. I'm very observant about the praise, and I know it helps.
I don't know how things are when he spends time with his Dad though. I think he gets what he wants and is now being turned into a monster. His younger brother from the same Dad, is a little bossy too. Just those two kids have that "Don't care" attitude. My X is very controlling and maybe something is rubbing off onto the kids. They always want their way no matter what.