should he be made to go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
should he be made to go?
7
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 8:56am
I never had children of my own. About 3 yrs ago I started living with a guy with kids, one of which is now 11 Sometimes I'm not sure what is the right thing to do. Here's my dilema. Ever since the boy's father and I started dating all the kid talked about was taking karate. His dad said he would love to get him into it because he had apparently been wanting to do it for some time. The childs mother had one excuse after another why he couldn't take it near where he lives with her. (she is more interested in herself and what she wants then him-case in point-she also had excuses why she couldn't take him to the dentist or doctor down where they live-so I handle all his appointments making sure to schedule them when he is with us.)We live about 2 hrs from where the child lives with his mom and during the school year we have him every weekend and in the summer we have him every other week) Anyway, I checked around and found a place where they were willing to work with us in regards to our scheduling situation. He went through the trial period and told his he really wanted to sign up-we had to sign a contract which basically states that for 11 months we have to pay whether he goes to class or not. This was not a problem but now as he is advancing and it's getting harder he always seems to not feel good when it's a day he's supposed to go to karate-but as soon as his dad tells him he doesn't have to go he has a miraculous recovery. At the time we signed him up my boyfriend couldn't afford to pay the monthly fee so I agreed to pay half-that's why I feel I should have a say in whether the boy goes or not. My question is (finally) am I wrong to feel he should have to go-I feel that he needs to start learning about responsilbity and following through when you make a commitment to do something-especially when you are obligated to pay for it. I've said that after the contract runs out( about 5 months from now) if he doesn't want to continue he doesn't have to. Like I said I don't have kids of my own so am I way off base here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 9:06am
If he agreed to the comittment then he goes unless he is legitimately sick or there is some physical reason he can't. If he wants to quit when the contract is up, then that's his choice to make but until then I would be making him go. If he claims he's ill I'd tell him he can sit on the sidelines and watch, at least he'll learn something from watching the lesson, but he can't just stay home. Maybe talk to his instructor about the problems you are having and he could have a private talk with your son about how it does get tougher but that's the challenge and how good he'll feel when he masters the skills. I'm sure he's not the first kid that balked when things got a bit more difficult. Good luck but if it was my kid and I paid for the lessons, she would be there unless she was sick in bed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 9:37am
Yes, he must fulfill his obligation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 10:28am
I agree with you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 11:06am

Absolutely he should go! Unless you see puke in the potty (tell him you want to see if he claims he threw up) or has a raging fever (threaten to take it rectally) he can go! Make him put on his uniform and stand in the class...I bet once he's there he'll participate. Are you able to use a small bribe like ice cream or a slurpee on the way home if he participates but NOT if he only sits there?

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:33pm
Thanks to everyone for their comments. I don't how this thing is going to work out but at lease I feel better knowing that my way of thinking is the same as the parents that have responded
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:00am

As a parent, I am a very strong believer in having kids follow through with their commitments. Though I would first find out if there is a real reason why he doesn't want to go. Is he being picked on, is he in too advanced a class (sometimes they just squeak by in one level but the next level is just too difficult and they need to slow down). Is there a different instructor at his new level that he doesn't get along with etc..

Baring any actual problems. I would then insist that he go to all his lessons until the contract period ends. At which time he doesn't have to do it anymore if he doesn't want to.

You may want to actually sit and observe a few classes to see if you can pinpoint exactly what it is that is bothering him about the class.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:44am
I go to all of his classes, and when he is there he does really well, they have the same instructors the majority of the time. As a matter of fact his instructor came to me because she wants to recommend him for the leadership program because he is doing so well in class.