Sleep over trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sleep over trouble
4
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:00am
My DS, age 11, has a terrible time sleeping away from home. In fact, out of the maybe 20 times he has been invited to sleepovers, he has managed to make it the whole night a total of five times. I feel so sorry for him, because he really really wants to do it, but around midnight or 1am, it is too much for him and he calls for me to come and get him. He says he misses me too much and just wants to be home. For several months I told him he could stay late, but not sleep over, and that was fine with him then. But lately he has wanted to give it another try. Be he still can't seem to do it. He has no problem going to bed at home, being away from me when I travel, etc. Any thoughts? Advice? I know it isn't a big deal, but I do feel bad for him. Thanks
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: editu2
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:05am
Sorry, I have no magic answers. My ds will go to a friend's and be ok for one night, but when he has kids at our house overnight, he'll come down to our room around 10:30 and just want reassurance that we're there. He's a home body and feels weird not to be in his room (but wants to be in the den for sleepovers). I don't get it.

I also know a guy at work here who has a son 2 weeks younger than ds (they'll be 11 next month) and he has yet to be willing to go anywhere overnight with friends...

I think some are just not ready yet (if you read my scout thing, ds10 would NEVER have gone 600 miles from home without me there, and still had a bit of a rough time for the first couple of days even with me there (different tent/area)). And I don't know if there's anything we can do but give them time and trial/error at attempting it.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
In reply to: editu2
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:22am
I'm with Sue, it will become easier for him when he's ready. I think it's a good idea to let him try every so often. I'm a big fan of the practice, practice, practice school of thought when it comes to this type of thing. We've never had this trouble, but Sean's was used to spending time in various homes before he came to us at 5½. The most he will admit to, when he comes home, is to missing his little brother ;-).

Best Always,

Sherrie

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: editu2
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:25pm
Welcome! I agree with Sue and Sherrie. I think you're doing the right thing by continuing to let him try. I also think it was good you gave him a break by saying he could stay late but not try to sleep over for a few months. All you can do is give him time to mature, and he'll do it when he's ready.

One other thought: What happens at midnight or 1 when he calls to come home? Does he have trouble falling asleep at the other house? Does he have an anxiety reaction of some kind? Maybe you could give him a relaxation technique in either case. There's the one where you start at the top of your head, tensing and relaxing each muscle individually and slowly progressing down to your feet. Or, you could have him go through a boring song in his head several times. Have him do some type of exercise like that, and see if that relaxes him enough to avoid anxiety, or to fall asleep. Tell him that once he goes through whatever technique you come up with, he can certainly still call you to come get him. He may be panicking, and maybe something like this would help him.

I'm glad you found our board. Please let us know what happens. We hope to see you here often.

Janet

co-co

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
In reply to: editu2
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 6:40pm
Thanks to all of your for your thoughts and advice. And Janet, I will certainly try a relaxation technique with him. Your description reminded me of one my mom did with me when I couldn't sleep: Pretending your body was full of sand and letting it slowly

"deflate." Sounds kind of creepy now that I describe it, but it worked! Hugs to all.

Patty