So it begins...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2013
So it begins...
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 10:20pm

Hello Everyone,

I am new to the board but am glad I found it...I am a single mom of three, I work from home so I am here and very involved. My ex is very hands on and we stayed friends so we are able to co-parent everyday. My oldest daughter is 12 (and a half if you ask her), my second daughter is 11, and my son is 10.

I am in need of some advice on the 12 year old. She mostly her dad's personality, so she is very quiet and stoic, with a stubborn streak 100 miles wide. We are close, we chat daily, of the three she is the one that seeks me out most. She is very focused, and goal driven. As a soccer player its just the way she looks at life. We just wrapped up her first year in middle school, I honestly expected it to be rougher. We had some bumps in the beginning as far as actual schoolwork as she adjusted, then bam high honor roll and easy. A few weeks ago, I got an email from her band director that she has a low C for the semester. When I asked her why she just shrugged. She wrote a report and in the 11th hour brought the grade up, but it was the start of what I now call the month of silence. Seriously who almost fails band when you have straight As in everything else?? Its obviously a choice, but why?She has stopped talking to me (or anyone), she pouts all the time, and when I give her something to do she either doesnt do it, or does it wrong on purpose. When I try various ways of working it out (talking, writing, talking to others) she clams up. She will sit for hours refusing to answer or talk about anything. I have also considered PMS or even the start of her period - but thats not it. I dont want to be one of those moms who battles with her daughter for years about nothing, but I am beginning to get frustrated and I get mean when I get super frustrated. Up to this point I have been fairly level headed and even tempered.  I am at a loss for how to approach this. I have tried giving her space and time to come to me, but she ended up being meaner to her brother and sister and more snotty to all adults. Obviously letting it lie isnt an option if her acting out is worse. Ugh. Any new direction, insight, or parenting techniques would be helpful.

Thank you all tons!

SP