Social rejection from other children

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Social rejection from other children
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:21am
I'm new here. I need advice and don't know where to turn. We don't have enough money for private counseling, but I think advice from other parents is more valuable. Thanks in advance for any tips/suggestions!

My 11-yr-old son is in a parochial school and he just got out for the summer. He has ADD and that seems to be going well in the classroom, but we are now dealing with socialization. There seems to be two sets of boys in the 6th grade. The jocks (who last year won the city-wide championship and rub it in my son's face all the time -- he wasn't on the team) and the others, basically. My DS loves athletics also, but is tuned into the video game bunch also. He has several fairly good friends and is in the Boy Scouts.

That's where this is all headed. Scouts. Last nite he went with the Boy Scouts to help with a Crusade for Children donation thing they do here. He got to ride on the back of this BIG fire truck with one scout and other boys from his class that aren't in scouts (nerds I think they think). Two of the other 3 boys are pretty good friends with him -- but they opted to leave that firetruck and ride on another and completely left my son and the other scout out (the other scout isn't a very good friend and is kinda "delayed" - my DS doesn't really like to be associated with him, he bugs him, etc.). He was really hurt.

Then when they got to the pizza party after the crusade thing, and one of the boys started calling my son "terrorist" and kept telling him to get lost. The 2 other boys didn't defend him. (I think the scout leaders were still out on some trucks, and not there yet.)

He KNOWS a terrorist is an awful person. He wouldn't go to bed last night, and finally came to my room crying. He said "maybe I am a terrorist type person". Maybe they are right.

He is so broken hearted. Devastated. He really had a place with the scouts, and now he is losing all that self-esteem. Of course the boy causing all this pain for my son, acts like an angel when the adults show up.

I don't know whether to call other parents involved. But then that can backfire and he will become the tattle-taler. The boy calling him names is really a nice kid. His parents are kinda cliquish, and my DS's dad and I aren't in there "social group."

But, what do I do? He has to fight his own battles. But it hurts so to see him hurt. The ADD does tend to get him excitable which I'm sure other kids don't understand. He hates it.

I'm lost on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:12am
As a former scout leader, (both boy and girl) the first thing I would do is talk to the leaders. This happened at a scout event and they need to know. They could address this as the other boy not being a good scout. A boyscout is kind, considerate, friendly and this boy was none of those things. If they act like this they are not only being mean to your son, but they are giving anyone watching and listening a bad immage of your boyscout troop. When I was a leader, I needed to rely on parents letting me know if things like this happened, because I could not always know everything that was going on, and something like this was never allowed in my troop. If your son is worried about being a snitch, the leaders could always say that some adults overheard them if they were in a public place and let the leaders in on what was going on. That way they could avoid the fact that your son "told" on them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:09pm

Hello and welcome, I'm really glad you found us and joined right in.

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 2:10pm
I'd talk to the scoutmaster, who should then have a talk with the patrol leader, who should then get with the patrol (if your troop is like ours, boy-run). That way it doesn't look like tattling at all; it's just guidance from the patrol leader (and doesn't have to be super specific if he can be clever and make his point without pointing fingers). The SM can intervene, but really shouldn't have to if the PL is doing his job.

And to me, if the troop can't handle it to your satisfaction, I'd be looking into another troop, since I agree, Boy Scouts is phenomenal for so many different personalities...

Sue, ASM and mom to Star 11 year old ds

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 10:44pm

I would not suggest calling the parents---wiht just your brief description of the boy and his parents, it will not be a positive outcome and will probably back fire on your son.

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