Soooo what would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Soooo what would you do?
7
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:31pm

You guys know Evan is a swimmer which means he has to change from clothes to suit back to clothes 3-4 times/week along with about 20 other boys almost all of whom are older than he is. Tonight he came home and told me that after practice a 6th grader (he's in 4th) pulled down the towel he had set up between two lockers to shield himself while he was changing. He picked it up and wrapped it around him. The other kid then pulled the towel off Evan's body and held it up in the air so he couldn't reach it. All the kids around were laughing at him. Evan said he didn't retaliate and did nothing to provoke it in the locker room or during practice. I was proud of him for not retaliating (we've been working on that alot - wish he could do this well with his sister). I know kids "horse around" in locker rooms and some teasing is to be expected but leaving the youngest and smallest member of the team naked and defenseless seems extreme to me. These kids are supposed to be a team. They are supposed to support each other not humiliate each other. The older kids should be helping the younger ones not humiliating them. Evan does have a mouth and does tend to exaggerate and brag so it's possible they were trying to put him in his place but this is going too far. I sent the coach an email letting him know what happened and telling him I knew he was a good coach and trusted him to handle this appropriately. I also told Evan that if anything like this happened again, he should let me know right away.

2-3 years from now I probably won't react so quickly but the kid is only in 4th grade and most of the kids are 2 years ahead of him in school. I felt like he needed someone to stick up for him. Did I do the right thing or am I creating a wimpy mama's boy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:42pm
I think you did the right thing. There is a difference between having fun and teasing and being humiliated. I think the other boys need to know they crossed the line. Since the rest of the boys are so much bigger than him he really was not in a position to handle it himself.
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Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:39am

I would have done the same thing!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:43am
I agree with the others. There is good natured teasing and crossing the line. But if kids are never told they crossed the line they don't know. (Its not instinctive.) So I think you did good and the coach should remind kids of appropriate behaviour and if necessary have an adult in the change room for a bit to make sure that they behave appropriately. So often I think we just assume kids should know what appropriate behaviour is but no one ever tells them what they did is wrong. Its a teaching moment and hopefully the coach will take advantage of it to reinforce respect and appropriate change room behaviour.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:52am

I think you did good. I would advise though that if it happens again your ds talk directly with the coach. You don't want the other kids thinking that he needs his Mommy to fight his battles for him.

I would also advise that he simply stand there and patiently ask "Are you done yet?", instead of insisting that they give it back. They want to get him worked up and if he doesn't then it won't be any fun to pick on him.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 9:24am
You really have to watch that locker room teasing. It usually starts small but it just keeps getting bigger. 6th grade boys aren't known for their sensitivity and often they aren't strong enough to stand-up for the little guy yet. You were absolutely right to nip this in the bud.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 4:49pm
I think you absolutely did the right thing!
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:56pm

Thanks for all your input and support everyone. Here's an update... I got an email back from the coach thanking me for letting him know so quickly. He said he would address the situation and he also said Evan is doing really well with the transition from the previous group to this group (it's only been about 3 weeks) and he didn't want ANYTHING to detract from that.

I talked to Evan after that and he said the other kid apologized tonight (must have been prompted by the coach because noone else except the kids knew) but he didn't think the kid really meant it. hey, at least he apologized and the kid knows an adult knows what happened. That's all I was after...