Still very clingy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Still very clingy
12
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 8:37am

DD is still very clingy and attached to me. She will be 12 in a couple of months and still will turn down invitations and offers unless I can go along.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:48am
Jackie is like that. She will not stay at a friends house or away from home even if its her best friends....... they always have to stay at my house. She is not wild about being with her friends for too long of a time. I can not leave her at gymnastics class and run an errand without her complaining to me that I left and she was scared. However, I know why Jackie does it. She has always been clingy. Have you tried a to get her to spend some time for a little while at a friends house? maybe leave her there for more than a few hours? Start small let her know that you will be back, offer to buy her a cell phone so she can keep in touch. start little and then work up. Have you thought about why she wont leave your side. Has something happened in the past? Did she get lost or something to that effect, sometimes a child hood trauma even a small one can make a child clingy. Think back and try to remember.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 10:39am

Missybee - she's always been what I called my "velcro child".

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 10:42am

I had to come back to add that

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:14pm
Maybe the issue of everytime she is left something happens. You might want to try having one of her friends over for a couple of hours and let the play in another room at least away from you. Does she come find you? Are there times that she will play by herself at a friends house for a longer period of time? I guess what I am trying to get at is if there are times that she does this then encourage it more. Its difficult I know. I got to where i had to have Jackie sit in the bathroom floor so I could take a shower.... Its not fun, its not even something to shed light at. Jackie now can play in another room while I am in the shower but she still interrupts me. She will play at another persons house for a while but she has to sleep at home with me there. I know its not easy expec. being a stay at home mom. But try to take some outings that will encourage her to stay "away" from you. Give her some time, obviously she is doing okay in school right?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:19pm
Its not hard to believe. I suppose because I live it too. Its good that your encouraging more time away. You need to realize this is not your fault at all. Some kids are like this. She did not scream too much after you have left her at school, so some progress is being made. think about the small steps she has come to do. School is a major one. Is she into any activities? maybe you could explain to her you need to do some errands while she is at "class" and you will be back for her. Try and get her to realize that its okay. Small steps do help. I am sorry this must be really getting to you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:30pm

Yes, for the most part school is okay.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:51pm

Even my own mother has pretty much said that her problem is my fault. She tried to use nice words by saying that I'm "too good of a mother".

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:57pm
ya know what my mom says the same thing to me. LOL
In fact people have asked us both where our mother is....... (I do look young not to brag)
But wow.... We enjoy spending time together and do alot of things together. I thought I was doing a good job. I know where she is and what she is doing all the time. She does not get into trouble or anything. But thats fine.
If you ever need to talk. Just holler. My name is Deanna and its great to meet you.
Like I said anytime you need a vent, I am here. We should get our girls together that would be a hoot. take care.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 3:16pm

Please read this description of Separation Anxiety Disorder: http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-ch03.html

My 7-yo had some anxiety issues last year, and this was one of them. His seemed milder than your daughter's, actually, but was combined with some other issues. We took him to a child psychologist for awhile and it seemed to help a lot. Therapy or no, I think you are doing the right thing by taking this seriously and trying to solve the problem.




Edited 10/17/2007 3:19 pm ET by lilacgirl67
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: tamtamm
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 3:17pm
that was good progress. I would have to say keep it up and maybe shorten the "begging part" dont go to her side every time she calls. Keep it short, I am sure your dr told you the thing. But keep up with it. Its going to take some time. But at least progress is being made. Jackie's therapist told her to think of something she likes to keep her mind busy when she gets to that point. Jackie told her ice cream, so when she feels insecure and I am not around eat an ice cream cone......... its funny to here Jackie is eating a fake ice cream cone...... but anyway, it takes time its not going to happen over night. Just keep it up and show her, she can do this herself.
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