Teen not wanting mom to go...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Teen not wanting mom to go...
8
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 10:04am

My DD (13 1/2) has been trying to keep me away from school. ie: her 8th grade party is coming up in June and she doesn't want me there. Also, a field trip to an amusement park is coming up in March and she says she doesn't want me to drive. The teacher says they are short on drivers, and they might not be able to go.
What would you do? I'm about ready to tell her she can't go because they won't have enough drivers anyway.
I'm hurt and wondering if this happens to other moms here...or is it just me?
I guess I'm not cool enough for her...LOL...I wish she was just nicer....but lately she's been very difficult to deal with. :(

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 11:00am
Well this is normal for some at this age where it isn't cool to have mom around.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 11:51am

((((((((((((( hugs Kim)))))))))))))))))) i am sure things will get better for you.

I know its hard when your dd does not want you around. Maybe you can talk to her and find out why. I would still offer to drive and explain to her that she might not be able to go anyway. take care

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 12:30pm

(((Kim)))


I second Deanna's idea!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:06pm

Try not to take it *too* personally. I volunteer in the middle school library, and I was there this morning -- my son very reluctantly acknowledged my existence. I said hi to him and he mumbled a barely audible "hi" and then didn't look my way for the rest of the class period. :) I think it is a normal stage of adolescence; I can remember my parents taking me to the mall and asking them to drop me off at a different door than they were using because for some reason it was embarrassing to even admit to HAVING parents at that age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:16pm

Thanks everyone. I'll talk to her more about it. I remember my mom not doing much for my school activities and I didn't like that, so this is different for me. Maybe I'm involved enough with soccer and music that she doesn't want me around everywhere she is!

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 3:06pm

Unlike soccer and music, school is HER world.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:20pm

Don't be offended, totally normal. If we remember back I'm sure when we were 13 we were mortified by our parents too. My DD pretends she doesn't know me when we are at a school event. LOL Her friends come up and talk to me but she pretends I'm invisible. Its rather funny and I'm sometimes tempted to be overly affectionate just to make her crazy but I wouldn't embarrass her that way. Usually she gets used to me being there after a bit and if fine, its just the idea. In a case like the amusement park, she would choose me going rather than having to miss it, but she'd likely rather I don't. However I don't give her an option. She doesn't like that I go to the band concerts and work, she's rather I just stay invisible but I don't really care. I want to be involved, I know they need parents involved and she can cope with it. I don't push myself on field trips however if they were going to have to cancel due to a parent shortage I would do it despite her protests. However we are NOT allowed to drive parents, school bus or nothing so the driver thing would not be an issue. I was helping the band instructor out for the band festival, I was like his personal assistant and she was not a happy camper at first, but I basically just ignored her. I didn't single her out, talk to her or make any comments. By the end she didn't really care and was talking to me. Just be professional and polite and she'll adjust.


In a few years she won't be so self-conscious. I find at this age anything that draws attention to them is horrifying. They don't want a parent there because people will notice that stranger and ask who it is and then look at her. Eeeeek. Someone is looking at her. My DD won't take crackers to school because they make noise when you eat them and then everyone will look at you. I keep telling her everyone is so worried about someone looking at them that they don't have time to look at you but of course she doesn't believe me. LOL


Its part of pulling away from us and normal. She shouldn't be rude about it though, but don't take it personally, they are growing and pulling away from us. They can't be our babies forever, no matter how much we'd like that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:59pm

Kim, at 13

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