teens and porn
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teens and porn
| Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:58pm |
I found an old VHS porn tape in my 14 yr old's clothing. I am looking for some creative ways to talk to him about this...thanks!
| Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:58pm |
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Personally I would be very matter of fact. "Son I found this in your room. I know that boys your age will be curious about this sort of thing. I want you to know that I'm not mad, but I am concerned about your view of the opposite sex and I feel that we need to discuss some things".
I would then get into the respect for women, porn is not a true resprentation of relationships, Porn is lust, not love. Porn is addictive. Porn can hurt your relationships with women later on. etc..
stacy
I busted my son on the computer in 6th or 7th grade...I just basically told him that real women didn't look like that...it was enough to send him into a wailing spiral of shame! We never really discussed it afterwards but he was grounded for quite some time from the computer...I STILL have blocks on it and he's 16!
Denise
I think this will be the approach however, this is his fourth porn offense. He has been busted on the computer three other times in the past 3 years. For the computer, he has to be using it at the table while I am there but this tape has crossed another boundry that I feel like I have no control over it. It seems like he is going to find way to get this stuff. Whether this is natural response or not for a 14 yr old...I am feeling lost here and making him understand he can't have access to this at this age and that I need to trust that he is going to stop.
Counselling. If this is his fourth time, and you have already had the talk, and his father has already had the talk, then get him into counselling before it becomes an addiction.
The advice that you were given about sitting down and watching it with him? I think that might be a little sick (for lack of a better word). I would not sit there and watch porn with my teenage son, regardless of the message I would be sending. There is no way.
i liked the poster that said that you should sit down and tell him that while he's curious, it's better to talk about the real world. Porn doesn't happen in the real world. Women are to be respected and that's that.
Good Luck to you! I hope i never have this problem....but I'm gearing up for it.
Sarah
Can you tell us the approach you took the past 3 times?
Under no circumstances would I watch a porn tape with my son. That crosses way too many boundaries, not the least of which is the idea you want to get across, that porn is of no value.
And I wouldn't even use the word "underage." Porn is degrading at any age, both to men and women. It is the disrespectful objectification of human beings, yet denies every part of their humanity except for their sexuality.
If he is going out of his way to get porn, then he's on his way to an addiction and addicted people cannot have healthy relationships. He needs to understand that if he wants real sex with a real woman someday, he will need to dislodge the fake ones from his head immediately. Otherwise, he will never be satisfied with any relationship.
I'd get him into counseling right away, and make sure his dad is on board with this plan.
Oh ya, like i would want my kid to think of me every time he has raunchy sex in his life.
LOL Yes that would be really disgusting.
Sarah
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