My step-daughter, who is ten, refuses to write thank you notes.
Welcome, Sarah! This is so tough, since your sdd's mom has different values on this issue. Perhaps you and dh can sit down and discuss with her why this is so important to you, including how it makes people feel, and how it reflects on her and her family's manners and values.
My kids have always written thank you notes for party gifts and gifts received by mail. Grandparents and aunts and uncles get a thank you in person or over the phone, but the appreciation is acknowledged. So, I don't think she necessarily has to write notes to you and dh, but she should express her thanks. Of course, you may totally disagree with me on this!
My kids use ecards for relatives and close friends of the family. For party gifts, they use a print shop program, and change the text of each note for the individual. They then print it, and sign it by hand.
Good luck with this issue! Glad you found our board.
co-cl 10- and 11-year-oldshttp://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psfifthsixth