Too much for a 10 year old?
Find a Conversation
Too much for a 10 year old?
| Sat, 06-30-2007 - 8:05am |
(I already posted this question on "Kids and Sports", but this seems to be a much more active board, so please help me out!) My youngest daughter (10) has been taking gymnastics for almost three years. She moved up incredibly rapidly to competition, where she has excelled for the last two years, and has LOVED it. A couple of weeks ago they moved her up to the next level (She is working with the Level 8-9-10 gymnasts, many of whom are high school age, but they are fantastic). She is expected to work out 31 (yes, thirty-one) hours a week, and be a level 8 next year. The main problem is she has all of a sudden decided that she wants to quit. Partially it is the number of hours, she is just overwhelmed, and partially it is her new coaches. They are the owner of the gym and another high level coach and their approach is quite different (much harsher) than she has had before. We did talk with them, and they told her to skip one day of practice a week, and ease into the harder schedule. She was happy with the decision, until it came time to put her leotard on Thursday and Friday, when she had another breakdown. I did not make her go those days, but now she has missed 4 out of 5 days last week. My problem is that I want my child to be happy, but I am also afraid that if she gives up this easily at something that she has such AMAZING talent at, that she will be sorry later. Do I "force" her to push through the adjustment period, or do I let her walk away from it all? I think 10 is way too young to even begin to comprehend the ramifications of leaving OR of staying. Her coaches are somewhat flexible, but they will not stand this back and forth business for long (I agree that it is not fair to them or the other gymnasts). She loves her friends at the gym (who have all encouraged her to stay, and told her that everyone goes through this)...but it does not seem to be helping. This is totally stressing me out. I am frustrated with her, because I think she is making the wrong choice, and I'm frustrated with myself because I feel like a bad mother that I am upset about HER decision. My husband is deployed to the Middle East and I cannot contact him until next week. I do not want to make the decision for her, but I don't think she realizes how good she is and where this could (all things being perfect)take her. It may take her nowhere, she may decide down the road it's not for her, but I can see that right now she is upset about the changes, and the fact that one of the coaches embarrassed her last Monday and made a couple of snotty remarks. (He does this to everyone, but she doesn't have the maturity to overlook it like most of the girls). Now she is scared to go back, and says she "isn't good enough" even though both of her coaches have assured her how phenomenal she is. Do I need to make her go and get over her fear, or do I let her walk away? If I make her go, will she hate me and gymnastics forever? If I let her walk away will she regret her decision five or ten years from now and always wonder what MIGHT have happened? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!! Opinions?

Pages
I'm all for learning self-discipline but 30 hours a week is are really huge commitment for a 10-year-old. My DD is involved in youth and professional theatre and while she would put in 30 hours during tech week, the rest of the weeks are limited to 10 hours and only 12 weeks at a time. We only allow her to be in a maximum of 2 shows a year and one has to be during summer. Giving 30 hours a week to theatre year round she would have to give up playing the violin (and her spot in the advanced orchestra.) She'd have to give up Girl Scouts which she's devoted 4 years to. She doesn't struggle in her accelerated classes at school now but she might if she lost an average of 4+ hours a night of homework time.
I grew up with child actors and actresses. At 15 I was working as a professional theatre technician. I lasted because not doing it was just not phathomable to me. It physically hurt. I only gave it up at 28 when I realized that I couldn't be in that profession and be the kind of mother I wanted my children to have (basically, a mother that wasn't gone 13 hours a day for months and then gone most nights and all weekends for years.) Believe me, I understand sacrifice for ones passion. Personally, I never said I wanted to quit.... I couldn't have. Now, my DD is very different. She loves theatre and she's extremely talented but it's not her passion. If I told her she couldn't do it again, she'd be sad but it wouldn't break her... now, if I took away her writing journals....
If your DD signed up for a gym class once a week and then wanted to quit halfway through I would absolutely say she needs to finish the class. Your DD's situation couldn't be more different from that though. This is a serious lifestyle choice and it's her life.
My point is, there are MANY ways to grow into a self-disciplined individual. There are many opportunities to overcome obstacles. We don't need to give our children 50 hour work weeks for them to become productive members of society (and with school and gym, 50 hours is about right.) Let your DD make this decision. Who knows, she may want to go back to it. She may also go in a different direction that leads her to the remarkable life of her choosing.
She may have needed to know she could quit if she wanted. That is an important aspect to any activity. A person needs to know that they are doing something for themselves and that the world won't fall apart if they choose to go a different direction. DD did that with violin. She's been playing from 5-years-old and she's really good. Then suddenly she stopped practicing. We eventually stopped lessons because I wasn't going to pay for her to show up unprepared week after week and I didn't want to play the practice nag role. She didn't play much for about 6 months and we didn't bring it up. This January she was offered private lessons during school from the middle school orchestra teacher and then offered a position in their advanced orchestra when she started 6th grade. Now she is back with a vengence on her own and has grown tremendously.
I come from a family of tremendous musical ability. As a child, the pressure to play music was staggering and I eventually quit at the "top of my game." The pressure was unintentional but certainly too much for a child. I make sure to keep an open dialogue with my kids on the topic because it's so easy for them to feel like they HAVE to be the best to be loved.
I'm chiming in very late, since it seems like her decision's been made, but just had to add in my two cents anyway.
Rebecca
Pages