Too much anger at husband??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Too much anger at husband??
14
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 5:01pm

I guess I have a hard time deciding if I get too angry at my DH or not. I'm tired of being upset over things he does, and sometimes I don't know if I go overboard or not...or if it does any good. I also think sometimes I am too quick to think about giving up on my marriage. (It's my 2nd one, and I have little patience I guess)
For example, do you get upset with how your DH takes care of your kids? If he does something differently than you would, does it bug you? Like if he doesn't feed them when you would... if you would have dinner by 6 or so and he's feeding them around 8. This happens when I'm at work...not all the time, but sometimes.
Also, the procrastination drives me nuts. Do most men wait until the last minute to do things? Like when there's a deadline for a project at work, do they push it off until you want to scream? I'm just looking for any DH's out there that might be like mine.
How do you handle your emotions if you get mad at your husband? I'm not perfect, but some things he does are getting to me. He is dedicated to our family, which is the most important thing, but we just think so differently about certain things, it bothers me.
Help me work on my short fuse! Any ideas?

thanks,
Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 5:15pm

I think it is very easy in a marriage to notice the things you don't like about someone and just take for granted the things you do like. I know I do this. I frequently catch myself nagging DH about stupid, unimportant things. But unless I really think about it, I don't often remember to tell DH what I admire about him when in fact there are many, many things.


This will sound like a corny marriage therapy exercise, but it helps to just make a list of the things you love about your DH and that make him a good husband and father. Then refer to the list whenever you're making a battle out of something silly.

Avatar for sesamemom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 5:36pm

Normally, I just come online & gripe!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 7:23pm

>>it helps to just make a list of the things you love about your DH and that make him a good husband and father. Then refer to the list whenever you're making a battle out of something silly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 7:30pm

>>Help me work on my short fuse! Any ideas?


Another thing to analyze is where ELSE stress is coming from in your life? Is work getting you upset? If so, it's not right to take it out on your DH - he can't be your dumping ground, ya know? I hope you can take a little "Kim time" and just sit with yourself for 5-10 minutes each day to let the real reasons for your being upset bubble into your consciousness.


They used to say that depression is anger turned inward but they're rethinking that and now saying that anger is depression turned outward. Same thing? I don't think so.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 10:25pm
I was a sahm for 11 years, and when I did leave dh in charge, he did do things differently (or wrong if you asked me).

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:10am

I believe the percentage of divorce in 2nd marriages is way, way higher than first marriages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 9:45am

Thanks everyone. Yes, I do have other areas of stress to deal with. Also, my husband works nights, that's why he sometimes eats at 8. He is a night owl, but I try to tell him the kids aren't. Our schedule differences have put a strain on our marriage.
I'm trying to make the best of everything. I'm also trying to exercise more.

I'll try to be nicer to DH, I know it makes him happy to feel appreciated, too.

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:50pm

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, married for 16 years this coming July.

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 5:15pm

Hi Kim.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 12:53am

I do tend to be a control freak. I want to be at home when I'm at work so I can do it all.
My DH is very family oriented, so I am grateful. I'm trying to work on my issues. A lot of it has to do with trust...because my ex ruined my trust of people (not all the time) but I am much more cautious in how I deal with people now.
I've been stressing over our debt, so I'm trying to work more too. But we are getting a big tax refund, that will help. My ex is way behind in child support, so I'm working more for that loss too.
I don't think it's a good idea to end a marriage over money.

Kim

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