Off topic... Dh is thinking about...
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| Tue, 04-14-2009 - 2:21pm |
becoming a police officer. I'm really not sure what I think about this. Anyone have any insight, advice, or experience with this? The pay would be about half what he is supposed to be getting paid now. He claims he would supplement it with other income (photography, etc.). I can't see him making enough to make up the difference. We need what he is supposed to be making now to remain in our house and continue to keep the kids in their current activities. Yes, I could get a job but nothing I could do would make up the difference either. I don't want to have to continue to worry about money and paying bills for the rest of my life.
I worry about the danger (though our community is pretty quiet and very safe) involved too. His last two employment adventures have been nothing short of disaster and I had a feeling about both of them before he started but kept it to myself, wanting to be supportive. I worry about him physically as well. He's 42 and overweight but has lost 20 pounds in the last 6 weeks. I'm really proud of that. He knows what's involved in the physical portion of the process and feels confident he could pass most of it right now and could handle the running portion with a little training. the next test is in June and he could certainly work up to 1.5 miles by then. At this point he's planning to take the physical test and go from there. He's a brown belt in a martial art and law runs in his family. There are several police officers that practice martial arts with him. He's mentioned being a police officer before but only once maybe twice. I just don't have a good feeling about it but I want to be supportive. The last two times I ignored my feelings about job opportunities it ended up costing us over $100,000 and I'm still mad about the choices he made. Adding a third would put me over the edge!
I want to be supportive. I want him to be happy with his life. He's been miserable for the last 9 months and I don't want to deny him something better. His current consulting gig doesn't have much work left for him after his current assignment which is up at the end of April (most likely). Client is behind in paying so the money they pay should get us through the summer.
What do I do? Do I just let him go? Do I tell him how I feel? Problem with that is I only have money and intuition as reasons here. I'm open to any and all opinions. I looking for perspective not necessarily validation. If I'm off base or selfish here, please tell me so...
TIA

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You are not off-base or selfish at all to have the concerns that you do. This affects you and your kids' lives as well. Something so big really should be a joint decision in a marriage, IMO. I definitely think you should discuss *all* your concerns with him, but do it in an open-minded way. Of course you want him to be happy; and by him being happy, that lifts the whole family up. But you have a right to express your reservations to him as well.
I can see how you'd be worried about his safety. If my DH were thinking of law enforcement, I'd feel the same way. However, that in itself is something you can discuss with him, but probably (IMO) isn't a reason to hold him back. However, money is another matter, and only you and he know your budget.
That's wonderful that he lost all that weight! At least if nothing comes out of it, he's done that for himself.
I know full well what it's like to be endlessly supportive of your husband's career, so if you ever need a place to vent, I'm here for you with sympathetic ears ;)
Keep us posted as to what happens!
HAPPY SPRING
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
Thanks... He has checked the age requirements and our local department accepts applicants through age 48.
I am so torn. I just wish he could be happy with a 9 - 5 job with normal hours and benefits. The last three years have been nothing but stress and tension... I'm not sure things would be any better if he went into law enforcement.
The cut in pay would bother me the most and I would have a hard time being supportive of that. You might mention the high rate of divorce that police officers have.
However if he really feels a calling to be a cop, and still wants to proceed after the two of you discuss your concerns, then I think you need to support him.
This is really a tough one. Since you said that his current work is ending anyway, it's not like he is just up & quitting a stable job to start something else. Once he gets on the force, that would be pretty stable unless the town's revenue goes down & then he could be laid off, but that's true in any type of job. If you really argue against it, it might cause a lot of resentment. I don't know how old your kids are, but maybe he feels that it's unfair that all the financial burden rests on him. I can see both sides of that too--I have always worked but there are definitely trade offs--if a mom is home all the time, it's a lot easier on the working spouse too as far as getting the kids to their activities, what happens if they are sick, etc. If you got a job, would the kids still be able to do their activities or would they have to quit because you wouldn't be available to drive them? I do know that in my area, police officers can add a lot to their income (and sometimes double it) by doing paid detail work, which is basically just sitting or standing near a construction site or something like that.
I think that you definitely need to sit down & talk about your budget. List the expenses that just can't be changed, like the mortgage & utilities. Then list the optional expenses and see if there's any way they could be cut down. If the kids do 3 activities each, could they still be happy doing 2? Stuff like that. Then you need to look at the base salary of the police and what you could possibly earn & see if there's enough to add up. He might think he can supplement his income, but right now you can't count on that.
Is he a guy who is responsible when it comes to money or someone who is a dreamer? My 2nd DH was making a pretty good living installing hardwood floors and working for himself. Right before we were going to get married, he said that he was tired of having to go out & get the customers, bid on the jobs, etc. and he wanted to work for someone else. It sounded good, but the reality turned out to be much worse--the guy said he would provide health ins, so DH canceled the policy he had, then it turned out that his employer only provided catastrophic health ins. I was also self-employed at that time, so when we got married, to carry the family, it was costing us $1000 a month for health ins. Then he got hurt at work and was out on worker's comp for almost 2 yrs. He had to leave that kind of job because of his injury & then he got another job that was a huge pay cut. It was very stressful, so I do understand. I'm sure he thought it would be a good opportunity to take that other job.
Thanks for your input everyone. I haven't talked any further with dh. Things have been relatively peaceful around here the last 3 days or so and I wanted us to be able to enjoy that. I also want to have my ducks in a row. Dh is a good debater and very intelligent so I have to be confident and secure in my reasoning.
Sadly, I may also be putting it off because I feel it's pointless. I almost feel like what I think doesn't matter. He's done so much research and is putting definite effort into getting ready for the physical test. I almost feel it's a done deal. I'm really struggling to find the balance between stating my case logically and calmly and letting him really have it and telling him how concerned I really am.
The last three years have been all about what he wants to do, financial risks he wants to take and we've paid for it in a HUGE way. Savings is gone, retirement is gone, I live in the same 2 sweaters and sweatshirts, we eat inexpensive, unhealthy food, we've got a huge line of credit debt, etc. Frankly, the atmosphere in our home leaves a lot to be desired because I'm sick of living like this. I don't see things getting any better if he becomes a police officer...
I could get a job and I've started a job search more than once but ran into dead ends because I don't have professional references any more (they've all moved away and I've lost touch) and my professional skills are way behind the times (I used to design and develop computer software for a pharmacy chain). I like being able to take the kids to their activities and be home when they finish school. It would be incredibly hard to find a full time job (which is what I would need) that would allow us to have a "normal" family life and get the kids to their activities. They both really love the activities they are in and though it may be necessary, it would be crushing to have to have them quit.
Sorry this got so long winded. :( Guess I just have a lot that I need to say. I should probably be telling dh, not you guys... Thanks for listening!
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