Tue/Q of the day - Parenting Style

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue/Q of the day - Parenting Style
13
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:29am
What's your parenting style? Are you a softy when it comes to discipline? Are you strict when it comes to going to the neighborhood pool alone, going to the movies with friends, listening to music.....? Are you easy going? Do you yell?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:42am

I'm pretty easy going. I don't say no very often unless I have a reason. She has to go to bed at a decent hour. She would stay up until 2:00 in the morning and never get up for school. She needs alot of sleep. So there are certain health issues I am strict on like eating proper meals and sleep, but otherwise I evaluate each occassion. If she asks to go to the pool with friends (last weekend) and I have no reason to say no, I won't. I did offer to drive them so I could feel a bit more comfortable about them getting there and she had her cell phone so I felt confident with them going. I tend to be saying no more to "can I have XXXX" which is usually $$$$$. Then I don't give in. She still gets lots of stuff, but she doesn't need a $300 blackberry. Sorry, not going to happen. School is also very important, it will be a frosty day when I say "You don't have to do your homework if you don't want to" or "sure, you can go to the movies, I'll send a note to your teacher about homework." Once homework is done I'm super flexible, but school work comes first then social life. Thankfully she's never pushed me on that and her grades are important to her, moreso than to me.


I am not a yeller. I can get terse and snappy, but I'm not a yeller and neither is she.


Overall though I think I'm pretty easy going. The more I think about it, her life is alot like mine growing up. My parents rarely said no and gave me alot of freedom and I never abused that advantage. I figure I turned out okay. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:56am
I would not say that I am a yeller, we do get up in heated arguments sometimes. Not that much but I am pretty easy going. I let her do alot. There are somethings that I am very strict with. If I give her an answer as to why she tends to accept it. If she understands it and knows some background with my answer. Other than that she will push until she gets an answer. Other than that we get along great and she accepts my answers well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:28am

I'm trying to figure out why it is I have such good kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:08am

Because of my job working autistic kids, I've become the paragon of patience with kids...but wow can MINE work numbers on me! It really takes A LOT to get me into yelling mode so when it happens they know they're in deep doo doo!

Yes I'm strict. My 16 yr old son thought I was too "in his business" over school work this spring so I laid off of him. Guess who just got dropped off at summer school this morning because he didn't do any homework for 4 months? I'm a huge fan of natural consequences!

I don't care what music they're playing as long as the lyrics aren't offensive. I'm very relaxed to most things as long as they're being respectful to themselves and others. The only thing I DONT mess around with is safety. Going in groups makes me relax a bit as long as they have cell phones. We don't live close enough to anything for 'dropped off entertainment' anywhere so the issue of them going to movies/mall alone hasn't really come up!

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:08am

A while back there was a quiz about this on iVillage, and I quizzed out as "authoritarian." And proud of it!

A parent is like a manager. The children are the work team members. While the manager is part of the team, he/she also has higher resposibility for the successes and failures of the entire team. That puts him/her in a role that must be authoritarian. While you should, as a parent/manager, listen to what the kids have to say, seek their input and implement their ideas, they must always realize that you are in charge, the final decision is yours to make. My kids can trust their mom and dad to make good decisions. They may not always agree with our decisions, but they agree often enough and understand our reasoning well enough that they respect what we decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:36am

I have a really high standard and my kids know it. We've been consistent from the beginning. Lately, we've begun to slack off, not from the standard of manners, courtesy and respect, but from the restrictions that were more appropriate for a younger child. So now DD can do certain things she wasn't allowed as a little kid because her behavior has earned her these privileges. And DS just got a "free will" bedtime because he's very good about getting the amount of sleep he needs. He usually turns his light our by 9:15 and doesn't have to get up until 7. DD, OTOH, needs someone to yell "Lights out!" ar 10 every night because she would read all night if she could. Her bus comes at 6:48 a.m.

It's hard to parent when the kids are this age because they really change almost daily, and you do need to give them a little more rope so they can learn how to use it. I feel like I'm parenting more by intuition now when it used to be by the rules. Our standards haven't changed, but we do increasingly leave it to our kids to figure out how they will uphold them.

And yes, I do yell on rare occasions, not because I'm a parent, but because I'm human and I get tired and lose it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 1:25pm
I am all the above. However I do not believe in being my kids friend. As far as going to the movies there needs to be at least 3 girls going. I haven't let Kiana go to the mall without a parent yet. Its so funny because when I was her age I was doing so much.

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"


Kiana "Hooprincess" 12 yrs old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 1:38pm
I am a firm believer in bed times, not bringing trashy music and such into the house, etc.. But, I do let my kids go with each other or friends to the pool or our local theater, the mall, depends on what mall or who with. So I guess, I am a middle of the road.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 3:06pm

I'm a little bit of everything, depending on the situation--very strict on some things, laid back on others, and even lax on some things.

I do yell, I think it has gotten better, but last night I yelled because Aly was being too over-dramatic too late at night (probably the first time since our last big yell fest in March--it was a homework issue).

Alysha




Edited 6/5/2007 3:08 pm ET by alygator

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 5:27pm

I don't think that I"m overprotective, I'm pretty permissive as long as whatever it is is safe and I feel the kids deserve whatever it is they want to have or do.

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