~Tuesday Hot Topic Talk~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
~Tuesday Hot Topic Talk~
19
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 8:07am


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What are your opinions regarding living with someone versus getting married, and why?


This seems to be the new trend.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:23pm

I am asking what your thoughts are on two people living together, having and raising kids but never legally marrying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 5:02pm

I don't see any problem with a couple deciding to live together before committing to marriage. I also don't think that this is an opportunity for men to "get the milk for free". In my experience, it is a time when couples get to know each other better, and are able to evaluate the other as an compatible spouse. I have friends and relatives that lived together before marriage, and they were usually engaged just after a year. I don't think I will have a problem with my daughter living with a guy before she decides to get married.

My husband and I did not live together. Mostly because it would have really hurt my parents. Both of us moved back in with our parents during the engagement so that we could save for a down payment, and to contribute to the wedding costs. We closed on our house just before the wedding.

IDEALLY, I do think couples should be married if they decide to have kids. Kids need a stable household, and GENERALLY couples living together have failed to make that commitment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 5:46pm
Hey, I answered, sort of. LOL I just turned it in reverse, being apart but not divorced. Trust me to turn the question inside out. LOL

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Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 6:53pm

I have no problem with the idea of living together in general, or having children together without a marriage license, because it means that you are having sex without being married, and I'm ok with that for adults.

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Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:51pm

Honestly? I don't really think about it. I am married (and have been for 10.5 years). If two people want to live together, raise children, etc but not get married that is their choice. I guess I really don't see anything wrong with it.


I do, however, have a problem with people who avoid getting married because they feel living together is the easy way out in bad times. If you are committed to one another - it's for good AND bad. I don't like when people decide that it's easier to leave when things get tough - and I think sometimes people who choose to just live together view in that way...


"If things get bad, I can leave and not suffer any legal or financial reprecussions".


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Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:38am
I don't have a problem with people living together in a committed relationship. I do believe if you decide to bring children into the equation, you better work at your relationship when the going gets rough. Marriage is just a certified paper from the government but being committed to each other, working through the rough spots and devoting your self and time to just one person is a relationship. It doesn't matter if you chose to have the govt certify it or not. People who live together for 8 years or longer are considered common law married anyway. I think if you are choosing not to get married so it's an easier break up process, don't have kids!

 

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 4:28pm
I do not agree with living together. I am religious and it is against God's law. I tell my kids, who see it in our own family, that these people will have to answer for their own actions to the Lord someday. If they choose to live with someone without being married, I would love any children that come from the relationship, but I will be the nag and let them know how disappointed I am with them. I really could care less what society feels is right or wrong, I have to follow what rules God has set forth for me and teach my children to follow them as well.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:13pm

"People who live together for 8 years or longer are considered common law married anyway."

In some places this might be true. In my state you could live together (not legally married) as man and wife for 50 years, but they will not recognize a common law marriage. They will recognize a common law marriage established elsewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:50pm
I don't have a problem with it at all. As long as it is a healthy realtionship then it is perfectly fine. My best friend has been with her husband for 13 years. They aren't legally married but they call each other husband and wife. I'm not sure of the issue of why she won't marry him, but whatever. She wears a gorgeous rock on her finger though.

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"


Kiana "Hooprincess" 12 yrs old


Vanessa & Jazmine "The Twins"

Brittany "MomtofiveDrews"

Kiana "Hooprincess" 13 yrs old

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