Tuesday Hot Topic--"Too Old To Be A Mom"
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| Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:49am |
Medical advances have made it possible for women to have babies into their 50s and 60s; at the same age many women become grandmas or great-grandmas. While most fertility clinics will not help women over the age of 50 to conceive, last year a 66-year-old Romanian woman who underwent in vitro fertilization gave birth to a healthy daughter, earning the distinction of becoming the world's oldest mother.
Do you think that a woman should always have the right to decide whether she's ready to face the challenges of motherhood, no matter how old she is? Should doctors always assist women in becoming pregnant, regardless of their age? Or do you think doctors and society have the right to just say no because of the potential risks and costs? How old is really too old to become a mother?

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That is what I was saying!
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I was 32 when I had Joiner. We went through infertility treatments. I would still have a child now if I could. I am as healthy as a 35 y/o and I am 43.
I'm just now getting time to answer yesterday's stuff, sorry!
Just to let you know, I am not taking this discussion seriously or personally. I will periodically debate a topic simply because it helps to keep my mind sharp. My intention isn't to debate any one's life choices, but to discuss the topic in general. I found the topic amusing because there wasn't an accompanying "Too young to be a Mom"
"I get so sick of hearing people say if you aren't rich and financially stable you are nothing--PLEASE!!!!!!!!! "
I never said that, but raising kids is expensive. At a minimum they need food, clothing, health insurance, a roof over their head, and someone to take care of them while someone is working to support them. (Stay at home mom or dad, daycare, or relative).
"That is wonderful for your acquaintance, however.......having that child at 50---they will be 70 when she is off to college and more than likely will never know their grandchildren, and won't be there for their daughter as she becomes a mother and goes through all the trials and tribulations of parenting. "
Life offers no guarantees. My cousin's husband dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 35. A know a guy who went to Iraq and he was blown up by a bomb. He was 36 years old, and his wife was pregnant with their third child. My friend could be hit by a bus tomorrow, or live to be 100. I happen to think the couple I referenced will be around a while, and will see their grandchildren.
I only knew one of my grandparents. My grandmother was over 40 when she had her first child. While I am sure my grandparents were fine people, I never felt any sense of loss that I didn't know them. My children were able to get to know all four of their grandparents (We lost one two years ago).
"Do you have a problem with older women who repeatedly get pregnant with no skills, no money and no means of supporting their children??? I think it appears arbitrary for you to say assume and categorize younger mothers in this way, when there are just as many older mothers out there in the same boat!!!"
If is a little difficult for an older woman to repeatedly get pregnant, especially if she is now having fertility issues. I would have a problem with an older woman repeatedly having children she couldn't support, but I have never seen it. As I mentioned earlier, in my town older moms are more the norm. I don't think my categories are arbitrary at all. An "older" woman has had the time and to earn the education and skills that a younger woman has not. She has also had time to acquire some kind of permanent housing. She has had time to find a life partner that will help her to financially and emotionally support their children. If an older woman is using technology in order to get pregnant, then the pregnancy is a planned event. One would think that a planned pregnancy would require a mother to figure out how she is going to feed, clothe, and support this child. You also have to consider that in most states this type of technology is expensive (Except in Massachusetts as long as you have medical insurance. State law requires insurance companies to cover infertility treatments.) So ,if a mom is going to go through this process I would have to assume she has the resources to raise a child. In closing, while it is "possible" that an older woman would suddenly start having babies that she had no means to support, it is statistically less improbable. So, no, there are not as many older women in the same boat.
I swore off posting because I was spending way too much time at it. but this topic hits too close to home.
I guess I'm a marginally too old mom according to some of the posts. I was a couple weeks shy of 45 when we brought home our twins. Now that I will shortly be 55, I can testify to support both sides of the argument.
My daughters have no grandparents left. I'm not a very energetic mom and have lots of aches & pains many of which were probably exacerbated by the rigors of parenting adhd twins. On the other hand, when I was younger and menstruating, I suffered from crippling migraines which were much more debilitating than my current woes. And I do feel that, I have more perspective and patience. I guess I could just as easily have gone to the other side and become more set in my ways. But that's more a personality issue than an age one. In retrospect, I was probably more obstinate in my fiercely idealistic youth.
My perspective relative to life expectancy is a bit different. Everyone is talking about expecting to be around for various events well into their children's thirties. The reasonable expectation of this kind of longevity is so recent, really dating only since the mid-20th century, that we've got a whole new ball game from the rest of human experience. Now just 50 years later, we're throwing new fertility possiblities into the mix. And we're redefining families. I don't feel that it's a child's inherent right to expect a full set of the original 4 biological grandparents to attend their college graduation. My kids will probably have aunts, uncles, cousins or famiy friends attending instead.
Nor do I feel that they have a right to expect them to have parents of any particular parenting style. Some young parents still might not be into rough-housing on the lawn. And there are work-arounds. I have never wanted to go camping, but my kids go a couple of times per year with their girl scout troup. Their personalities, interests and skill sets are very different from mine, but I try very hard to find other ways for them to get the mentoring and experience that they need for their more athletic styles. This would have been this way if I had been 20 years younger. I've never been the least athletic.
Having suffered from infertility dating to my thirties, and having gone through the whole infertility route, plus having gone through the whole adoption thing, I would certainly counsel anyone who wants a family to not delay unnecessarily. However, I wouldn't want to shut the door on people who didn't have much in the way of responsible choices. And as an aside, the infertility procedures were much easier for me emotionally, than the adoption bureaucracy. If you allow about a year for each failed attempt plus emotional recovery, then a string of failures can rapidly add even more years to your age before you finally get that child.
Personally, it's hard to imagine how having babies at 60 would be wise, but then who are we to judge? And where would one draw the line? 59? 58? 57 1/2? There are tons of irresponsible people of all ages out there making babies when their absolutely not in the right position for it. But if you get pregnant the natural way, no one disputes the right of that parent to bear that child. Even 13 year olds commonly keep their babies nowadays. Why restrict judgement to the older folks? Let's poke our noses into everyone's most intimate decisions.
Diane
"There are tons of irresponsible people of all ages out there making babies when their absolutely not in the right position for it."
I completely agree with this statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing yoru story and your side!!!!
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