Vent

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Vent
9
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 4:31pm

Okay, I haven't vented in a while, and it appears that my DH is taking a page from Kim's DH's book.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 5:09pm

I'm sorry, Tracy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 5:54pm

Agree with Bradleyteach, you need to set up a neutral time to talk about the "family schedule" rather than your concerns about him not being around enough. Before you talk, pick a day when you think you'd like to go out with the girls and make sure that is on the schedule. Men do a lot better with a visual picture, such as a calendar, because it looks more like a set of legit appointments rather than "my wife's nagging me to be home more."


I actually call DH's assistant and get her to put it on his calendar when it's really important. Then she gets to be the bad guy and tell him he needs to go home now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 7:15pm
I hear you.Plus you work full time and your dh just asumes you are in charge of all the planning.Last week when I was having to get my mom to the hospital for surgery,he acted like he was doing me the biggest favor in the world by getting Gabby off to school.He had to leave for work an hour laer.And even then I mad all the before and after school arraingments for her>I also knew she would miss dance last Monday,because why would he actually take her after working all day......I honestly do think that men in general,just make plans without ever worrying about the child care.No that they won't do it,but they rarly think about it.Like you said if you want to have lunch with friends you have to plan it,same he my dh does a lot and did a lot with Gabby when she was little,but it never occured to him that there was something he could not do because he has a child.This week was harder for me because I had to juggle my mom and Gabby,and it never occured to him,to make plans fpr Gabby after school if I was tied up.Thankfully my mom needs a min of help,so once she got to my house it was easy and Gabby helps when she is home.Anyway I do empathize with you.Do try talking to him about how you feel.

Laura mom to Gabrielle


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
In reply to: arryl
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 6:07am

Time for a little chat I think.

Sometimes people need the obvious pointed out to them in order to get it

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to: arryl
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 10:43am
Thanks everyone, the last two weeks have just been so busy and coming home every night to no help really and not much sleep either has just worn me down. DH ended up having to work later last night, was home around 7:00ish. He starts a new job next week with earlier hours and very rarely overtime, so hopefully we can talk about things and get a little bit better balance to helping out with the kids and around the house. And honestly, me just getting to see him once in a while too. :)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
In reply to: arryl
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 11:28am
Substitute the word "golf" for "boat," and welcome to my life! :) It has bugged me for 12 years, that if I want to go somewhere -- ANYWHERE -- I have to carefully arrange it around DH's schedule, whereas it is always assumed that he can pick up and do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, because I will always be available for the kids... This was the same when I was working FT and as a SAHM, and I've given up on trying to change it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
In reply to: arryl
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 11:44am
you said, "And honestly, me just getting to see him once in a while too." :)
tell him that over and over. Even if you wanta knock him over the head. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
In reply to: arryl
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 12:43pm

Thats how I feel too.But it would be nice once in awhile if he could take Gabby to something and not act like it is an obligation.I truly don't mind taking Gab from place to place,but it would be nice that when I need him to do i he could do it wihout expecting a medal or acting like he is doing me a favor.When I do ask it is wih good reason.Like las week he had to go to work an hour late,because of my mom's surgery,he had to whine about it.He did it bu he stilled whined.

Laura mom to Gabrielle


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: arryl
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 1:02pm
hugs

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