Wedding etiquette question

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Wedding etiquette question
12
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 3:02pm

Okay, this is WAY off topic, but I am just kind of in a quandry...

My cousin is getting married next month. We will be going out of town for this wedding. We have a huge family -- my cousins will be coming in from Arizona; they have little kids who my kids LOVE (we went to visit them last year and they really bonded) and can't wait to see... So we have all been excited about this.

Just got the invitation today. On the outside of the envelope, it lists all of us -- DH, me, and the two kids. But on the inside, it says "Adult reception only."

I am totally fine with that. I mean, it's going to be hard to figure out what to do with all of the kids, but it is absolutely a bride's right to have an adult only reception, IMHO.

I'm just confused about the fact that all the names were on the outer envelope. I am not sure whether to assume that all of us are invited to the Ceremony, but the adults only for the Reception... Or, if since we are from out of town, they decided to make an exception and include our kids for everything??? I am just not sure what it all means. What do you think??

If it's truly "adults only," I am not sure what to do with my kids. We could leave them home with friends -- but then they won't get to see their cousins. They would probably all have a blast if they could hang out together somewhere while we are at the reception, but I don't know how to find someone to look after them; DS (12) would be the oldest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 4:21pm
I would assume the kids are invited to the ceremony but not the reception. I would however phone the bride or bride's mother to confirm. Once that is decided, I would than contact the parents of the cousin's and see if they are bring their kids. If so, again contact the bride or her mother and ask them to give you a referal to someone who can babysit during the ceremony at a hotel. I'm sure they will know some highschool students who would be willing to help out and and you can pool your money and get a few. But double check everything with the bride (if you are close) or her mother first. Nothing worse than assuming something and finding out its not true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:28pm
exactly.... its the ceremony that everyone is invited to. The reception is just for adults only. Most hotels offer babysitting as a service, however call the cousins and see if they are taking the kids. If you do not want to "trust the hotel" or have no place to keep them maybe you can make another trip half way with your cousins to spend some time with just them. That way you all get to visit and for this wedding the kids can stay at home.
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dragon
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:27pm
Is there someone close to the bride or groom that you know that you could call to ask this question?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:37pm

It seems clear that the children aren't meant to be at the reception. I would call the bride or mother of the bride and ask if they can recommend someone. I wouldnt even ask if the children are invited.....if she wants them there, she can be the one to bring it up.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:57pm

I am sure that other couples will be in your same dilemma.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 8:58am
At baseball practice last night I told one of the moms who is a wedding consultant about it and she said the fact that the kids' names are listed on both the outside envelope AND the inside envelope indicates that they are actually expected to attend the ceremony AND the reception... I don't really *want* them to go to an Adult Reception, unless they are really WANTED there and all of the other cousin kids are going... So we have a lot to clarify! It's tough with this family, they take a lot of things way too personally -- if I just ask the question, I fear they're going to feel like I'm pushing them to allow my kids to come, when that is not at all my intention... And if they did indeed intend to invite the kids, they will be upset if I insinuate that I may not bring them by asking for child care suggestions... Weird family dynamic, hard to explain... So I'm going to sit tight for a few days and hope that the other cousins will clarify this first!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 8:31am
Just an update... The burning question has been answered... All "family" kids ARE invited, and they did mean to make that clear by including all the names on the envelopes. There will be a LOT of cousin kids there, and they all plan to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 8:45am
Phew...I bet that has taken a load off your minds. Now you can all go and enjoy the day without juggling.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 11:02am
Glad you got it cleared up. Makes life much easier with them included. Hope you have a great time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 12:47pm

I'm glad it is cleared up, and I'm glad they included the kids.

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