***WEDNESDAY-Hot Topic Chat***

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Registered: 09-26-2003
***WEDNESDAY-Hot Topic Chat***
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Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:12am

Linda, a single woman in her mid-thirties, has difficulty relating to men. She has never been married and does not feel confident in her ability to find a man to love in her life as she does not believe in relationships. Even when men are interested in her, she does not reciprocate the interest as she is afraid of men and envisions relationships as a sacrifice and slavery. However, she does not want to give up hope on having a child of her own. A long time friend of the family emerged and asked her if she would consider having a baby together with him and raise the child separately as he is gay. The details of how the child will be raised in a shared situation and with one of the two households being gay were not discussed yet but they both agreed that the most important thing will be to ensure that the child will have a chance to a loving and stable environment. The biological clock is ticking and Linda has a hard time making a decision. What would you recommend to Linda?


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Registered: 06-29-2001
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 8:39am
<< Do you think that possibly since Linda knows this friend very well, that they may potentially be better in place to parent than another couple that "think" they are in love and will raise the child together, yet they don't know eachother at all and it never works.

Do you think the chances of the friends being able to work together since they know eachother so well are better than a couple who think they are in love but don't know eachother at all?>>


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Registered: 06-29-2001
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:44am

<> Most women in that situation get a donor or adopt.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:58am

I think many women discount the very important role of a hands on dad in a child's life.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:09am

No offence Nancy. I agree with you, in my mind an ideal family has both parents in the home. I certainly didn't set out to be a single Mom and its not something I would recommend, but as you said, stuff happens and you make the best of that situation. I am pretty lucky in that my ex and I get along and he is fairly involved in her life, as involved as you can be under the circumstances.


I work with someone who adopted her daughter in Africa as a single Mom. She finds it very hard now she is back in Canada. She has no support at all. In Africa she could afford a Nanny so if she needed to go away for business or just to have some alone time she had that other dependable caregiver. Now in Canada she can't afford that and she's finding it very difficult sometimes to be just the two of them. They are doing okay but its not an easy road. There are actually alot of women in my line of work in her position. Its very hard to have a traditional relationship when you are moving to other countries and sometimes your DH can't work there because there are no jobs or its not allowed. So marriages break down (I'm a prime example) or its just really hard to find a spouse who is willing to follow you around the world. Many women find themselves single and 40 and wanting children and a most of them adopt children. And its not too bad if you can afford full-time childcare but in those early years it is really tough to go it alone and I am thankful that I had my ex there for the first several years.


If I hadn't been married I'm not sure I would have gone the single parent route. Although I know I wanted a baby when I did and I wonder if I would have had the same desire had I been single and what I would

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Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 6:20pm
Great Point!




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Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 6:20pm
What an interesting example Stacy!

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Thu, 08-09-2007 - 6:22pm
I agree Mindy, I think there are definitely many issues that can come up to throw a wrench into their well laid out plan.

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Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 6:41pm
I couldn't agree more Nancy!

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Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 8:28am

My understanding of it is that they are just very upfront about the living arrangment and the way their family works. Their home is very child centered and so are their lives. The kids come first.

Dad has a SO. They have been together for four years. Mom occassionally dates but is clear from day one, about what her family is like and that this is a packaged deal. She's been seeing the same person for about 8 months now and everyone gets along well. But it took a while to find someone with an open mind.

stacy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 2:37pm

I haven't read the other responses yet, but I feel strongly about this. If Linda and her friend can financially and emotionally raise this child they should do it. If I were in her position, i would do it. I have known many gay men who would love to have children, but it's (obviously) not possible. My best friend is a gay man who is very conflicted because he longs to have a family, but knows he will most likely never be able to.

Melanie