What are your opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What are your opinions?
4
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:39pm
I am just trying to convince myself that I shouldn't get involved or push or anything. My 10 yo has stopped being friends with a boy and I wish they would start being friends again. He lives so close and he's a nice kid but I guess he's gotten a bit bossy and mean according to my son. This boy hangs around with some of the other kids who think they are "it" you know? I know my son doesn't get along with them because he doesn't like to be bossed around. These kids are a group but my son is friends with a few of them. One of my sons closest friends is friends to this boy so I don't understand why my son is so unwilling to try to be friends too. My son's friend has had problems with these kids in the past because some have basically told him to his face that he wasn't cool enough to be in their group and this was at a party they invited him to.

So anyway, my thinking is if he just plays with him again and makes that effort, then they will begin to get to know each other again and maybe get friendly again. Especially now that school is out, they aren't around all the other kids as often and maybe they will get to be friends without others influence. Do you know what I mean? There is another kid in this group of friends who is a bully and my son has reason to dislike him but this boy isn't quite as bad but I know he's probably picking up things because the other kids are following. Am I explaining this right?

My 5 yo is friends with this boy's brother and it would be nice if they both can go over together. Maybe with my 5 yo being friends with this boy's brother will help them. I don't know. I know I should stay out of it because kids change and it may just be that next year, they automatically start hanging out or playing together again but I still can't help to just take the initiative and invite this boy over with his 5yo brother to swim so it would force the two to interact.

Today when I walked my 5 yo over, this boy was playing with a couple other kids in my son's class and it would have been so nice for my son to be there too. My son is so shy and I know he feels awkward with a group of kids but I just feel if I don't "push" him to get out and socialize, he'll stay home like I did as a kid because it was safe. I know I shouldn't compare him to how I was but he seems to be following in my footsteps and I hate to think that if I don't keep at him, then he'll just do what I did and spend a lot of my time at home.

I havent decided on anything I am just thinking that I should do something but I know I shouldn't get involved. I know I just worry too much. But I know my son is getting suspicious because he keeps asking why I keep asking him to invite a friend over. I just tell him that I think it would be good for him instead of playing xbox or nintendo and/or be bored all day.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 8:15am
Thanks you are right. I needed to hear others experiences and opinions. It seems like things are pretty normal. The kids my son invites over are pretty good kids. I just wish he wouldn't like being home and seemingly content to be home by himself.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 8:09am
Thank you. It's hard for me. I guess I want everyone to like my son. I guess we all do. The kids my son has over are very nice kids so I guess he's doing something right. I just wish he had more of a comption to have someone over more often.

Julie

Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 11:30am
Julie, I do think it's best to make suggestions, but otherwise stay out of it. This is a good age for us to trust our kids' instincts, IMHO. I used to wonder why certain friendships faded, and would bug the kids about it (particularly the neighborhood ones, which as you said are so nice because of the convenience and ease of finding someone to paly with.) I've learned that their instincts are usually good. I didn't realize one kid was sometimes mean, and other things like that.

My dd also made the choice not to push her way into the "in" crowd, which she could have, since she was friends with some of the girls. I trust her decision. She's made other nice friends.

My ds would also stay in the house all day and I get concerned about him socially. I do kick him out of the house whenever it's nice! This does encourage him to join in some neighborhood play. I also encourage him to invite other friends over, who may not be from the neighborhood.

I know it's sometimes hard to understand why these friendships fade, and this was a very nice and convenient friendship for *you*, but other than asking questions and making suggestions, I would let your ds make the decisions. There may be more to it than you realize. Even if not, it's hard to force a friendship. I hope that just being around during the summer, the boys will rediscover they like to be together.

Janet

Janet


Jewish Family Life

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 12:08pm
I stay out of it. There are 3 other boys ds's grade in our neighborhood (subdivision), and he's only interested in one. Another has always gone to his school, but hangs around the grade bully, so I don't blame him (the bully is downright nasty to all kids - like this mean streak). The other used to go to his school and they got very close, but they left after 2nd grade so he could go to a special needs school; now he and the bully's friend are likely going to go to 6th grade Catholic school together. DS has no interest in them; I let that be. It's sad because the one at the special school was almost his better friend of the 3 at first, but they had some falling out (that ds didn't comprehend, but the other boy just left our house one afternoon and never called again; ds doesn't recall what happened; that was about the beginning of 3rd). They tried one more time via the other boy in the neighborhood, but it just didn't click any more. (The good friend in the neighborhood said that boy changed as well, and doesn't play with him either) So I let it go.

The good friend in the neighborhood unfortunately leaves for the summer (already gone), so ds's got no one around in the immediate area. His other buddies aren't within walking/biking distance (plus you'd have to go over the highway, etc.). So he either makes playdates, or is on his own (more often than not). He seems ok with it (he's very picky about friends; he really only has 4 boys he likes), so I just let him go his own way. This is very different from how I grew up because I had a best friend a block away, and we were basically inseperable, whether at school or over the summers. But this state and this neighborhood are just different.

Sue