What do you do when...
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| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:17pm |
your child gets a good grade but it's not what they're capable of? Evan came home with a 95 on a math test and when I looked at the questions he got wrong, they were all things he knew (like clues that put together a large number based on place value). He just didn't focus. I want him to be in the habit of doing his best. This isn't a one time thing either. It's a regular occurrence. I remember hearing about it as a kid when I got an A- instead of an A and I was always really upset about it.
Also, do you review the incorrect answers on homework and exams with your younger tweens? I know they don't review it at school so reviewing it at home might help him learn from his mistakes. On the other hand, he's had some bad experiences at school the last few months (mostly of his own making) and he's got an attitude about school at the moment so adding a review of mistakes might only make things worse.

My daughter tends to be a perfectionist and has test anxiety. If I see something like you are talking about I might point it out, but really stress how great she did and how proud I am of her. I wouldn't want to make her think I expect her to do any better than she did or that might add to her anxiety and cause her to do worse the next time.
Maybe he was feeling overwhelmed, time was running out, or the room was noisy and he was distracted. You never really know what a child is going through during a test. I think I would pick and choose what I was going to focus on if he has been having rough times. 95 is great even if he is capable of better. If behavior has been a problem you would probably think 95 there was terrrific so maybe ease up on the review until you meet a happy medium.
There is such a fine line that it's hard to know if we are helping or hurting.
Tonya
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
Gee, sounds like my Emily!
I was just Semi bragging last week on her grades-----2 A's & 4 B's, HOWEVER!
The reason she had so many B's was because she either failed or got D's on every one of her finals, except Geography(got an A)----and why did she get such terrible grades on her finals--she didn't crack a book to study, grrrrrrrrrr
How did we handle it--well we first let her know her grades were wonderful and we were proud of all her hard work throughout the quarter, HOWEVER we were not at all happy with her grades on her finals and the fact that we didn't see her studying at all!
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YW.
I would of passed out when he told me he had 30 min. to spare...LOL
Personally I wouldn't make that big a deal out of it. Especially when you may be talking about 3 points or so on a test. Stupid mistakes happen and tweens/teens have a lot on their minds. Now if he is capable of an A and comes home with a C on a consistant basis then I'd be concerned.
Does it bother me that my son is getting a B in English class without trying? At first it did, but his English teacher said she isn't worried about it. She sees him expanding himself, gaining self confidence and really coming into his own. That, IMO, is far more important than a few points on a test or report. There is so much more going on in my son's school career than the academics and it's important that I remember that. He's forming his character, building relationships, discovering what is important to him, what he enjoys and what he doesn't. He's finding a balance between doing the minimum that is expected by the teacher and going above and beyond to get the best grade he's capable of. He's learning what he can easily handle without stressing out and what pushes him a little too far.
I think it bothered me more when he was younger and I just saw it as stupid mistakes and him being careless or lazy. Now that he's an 8th grader and is heading off to highschool in the fall I can see how much he's grown, matured and changed. It's not a matter of being lazy as it is finding a balance he can work with. While he may be getting a B in English because he's putting no effort into the class, he'll be finishing off his Freshman year of high school taking Spanish-3 at an honors level. While he's chosen not to persue Honors level Science (dispite that being his best subject, he is focusing on electives that will allow him to explore more of who he is and allow him the freedom to express himself in a positive manner (Drama class, Concert Choir, Graphics Design class etc..). Ultimately it's his education and I have to trust him to make choices that will serve his dreams and his goals.
That being said, It's important to note that Connor is not the same person he was when he started 6th grade. He was a 10 year old who really needed a lot of micromanaging, who made lots of stupid mistakes and was often in trouble for forgetting or ignoring the details. He needed me to be on top of things and to help him stay focused and organized. Here we are just three years later. He's changed so much in the past three years that you would hardly recognize him; his interests, his friends, his personality, his character, what he cares about, what he dreams about, what he wants to do, how he approaches his education, what skills he has, his self confidence... everything.
I know that allowing him some freedom to make mistakes and to take control of them played a major roll in him growing as much as he has.
My advice would be to remind him to use skills such as double checking his work, taking time to re-read instructions and questions carefully and time management. However I wouldn't micro manage for the sake of an 98 vs a 95. IMO it's just not worth it and can add unintentioned pressure to be "perfect".
stacy
My little pumpkin is capable of straight A's For instance she has a B+ in Social Studies but she doesn't want to do the extra credit because she says it's stupid and she hates social studies. Therefore she'll probably end up with a B+ in that class.
DH rarely has to go over her work with her. She has very good study habits. On occasion he'll go over questions she's missed on a test.