What do you do when...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
What do you do when...
14
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:13pm

what your tween wants doesn't match what you wish for them? Evan has to choose a language to take for the next four years. Once the decision is made it cannot be changed. Choices are Spanish, Latin, German, and French. I would love him to take Latin. It will help him with vocabulary, reading, and it's a magnet for the gifted crowd which he is definitely a part of and has tested into. He wants to take German because he thinks it sounds fun, my grandfather speaks it, and several of his current friends are going to take it. There are positives to German, it's alot like English so they learn English structure at the same time, it's a major language in European finance (Evan is a budding Alex P. Keaton). I just don't want him to miss out on future opportunities because he wants to do what his friends are doing especially since friends can change so quickly.

Advice anyone? I know if I force him into it I'm in for 4 years of struggle. He's very hard-headed and stubborn. I also need to start letting him make his own decisions but when I see how this can affect his future I have a hard time letting him make this decision at 10. I know Latin is a choice in high school. Maybe I can get him to agree to one year then.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 2:17pm

I heartily agree. He has had Spanish class before school twice a week for the last 3 years. Obviously it doesn't make him bilingual but it's a start. My daughter is getting 30 minutes of Spanish daily in her 1st grade class so once in a while we have little vocabulary contests or conversations at home. I'd love to have both of them tutored in another language but I just don't know where we'd fit it in. Ds swims 3-4 days/week and dd has music twice/week and gymnastics weekly as well. Somewhere in there they need a chance to be kids.

They are both (by testing) Ivy League possibilities and I really want to keep that open for them. I struggle to balance that with letting them be kids and participation in sports. Ivy League is not the be all and end all. I personally don't care whether or not they go to and Ivy League university. I just want them to have the choice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:41pm

Foreign language is a hard thing to learn, particularly for American kids, and he won't learn it until he has a drive to do it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 10:09pm

I didn't articulate it very well but what you put forth is exactly why I hoped he would chose Latin. It would give him a foundation for the classics and many other languages which he'll have the opportunity to take in high school and college.

That being said... I really appreciate the voice of reason that the folks on this board put forth. I guess he's reaching the point in his life where he'll need to make some decisions on his own and as his mother I can make sure he has a balanced view of things and help him get the information necessary to make the decision himself. It's always hard to let go but it just seems like he's so young (he's only 10 - there are some 10 year olds that still believe in Santa Claus - to be making such important decisions. It seems like the world is forcing life and decisions on children at an earlier and earlier age. I may have been leaning too far toward the academic side because my family is very academically oriented and Evan is very academically talented and I just want doors to remain open as long as possible.

Ultimately, the decision has to be his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 8:18am

I'm glad you're coming around to letting it be his decision, but I still think you are putting undue stress on the whole thing.

It is not "non-academic" to study German.
And, it really is not a "life decision", or a sign of the world pushing important decisions on young kids. I had to pick a foreign language in middle school back over 30 years ago too.

There's going to be a lot of choices for your son over the next 10 years or so.
If you start stressing over these tiny little ones, you are going to be a wreck.

Even college - - - it's just not a life or death choice. There are lots of good potential careers where one can lead a happy life and earn enough money to support their family. There are many good schools where one can get the training they need for each of those fields. I remember being SO stressed out about choosing a college. And it was totally unnecessary. There was not ONE right answer that represented success and a good life, and all other choices that were failure and wrong. There were a multitude of good possible choices, all of which would work out just fine, though possibly slightly differently. When I finally woke up to that reality, it was easy to choose a college.

I just really believe it doesn't pay to set life up as such a stressful series of chocies between success and doom. It's paralyzing to view decisions that way. And unrealistic. Most often - the choices are between various acceptable options.

This is certainly one of those times.

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