What do you do when...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
What do you do when...
16
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 10:12pm

you think you just can't take it anymore? I'm about at the end of my rope right now and don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm just plain exasperated or really upset about EVERYTHING! Dh's job (you guys know about that), the way I'm parenting (yelling, caving so I don't have to hear whining or deal with tantrums, saying things no parent should ever say to a child, getting on their case about every little thing), my weight, the state of our house, my aunt's condition, the state of our cars, my real-life friends (or lack thereof), the kids' attitude toward us, their attitude toward school, my ability to cook for my family... It just seems like everything is a struggle and I'm exhausted. I just have no where to go with all of this. You guys can only listen to so much, I can't talk to dh 'cause he feels very much responsible for where we are and what's causing all of this, my friends are somewhat, connected with our financial situation (long story), I can't talk to my parents because my mother is too worried about my brother and my aunt and she honestly can't take much more either.

I'm not looking for solutions to my problems. That has to come from me. I'm trying to come up with a way to stop feeling so overwhelmed, calm myself down, and turn my outlook around. Right now I just want to curl up in bed with a soft stuffed animal and not come out till things are better. I've noticed that our family is enveloped in this shroud of negativity and that's not how I want my kids to grow up. I want them to have happy memories of their childhood not memories of Mom having fits and fights amongst themselves.

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Avatar for sesamemom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:00am

Back when I felt like you did, I didn't know how to drive yet--it was really frustrating!

Thanks to Kelly (mom2emsopmax) for my beautiful siggy! Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:58am

I have been in your shoes....actually, I just started coming out of it.....I was there for prolly a year.(this time)







iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 11:45am

Thank you all sooooooooo much! I feel much better knowing a) I'm not alone b) there are things I can do about how I feel and c) it's okay to do something for myself. So here's what I've decided. I'm going to take today to get things under control (laundry, food, house - within reason, bills, etc.). Tomorrow I'm giving myself the day off! I'm going to drop the kids off at school and head to the bookstore for the day. I'm not going to buy anything but I'm going to take my ipod and read, write, do a little walking, listen to music, and RELAX! I've also given myself permission to buy a new teapot. I don't want to spend a whole lot but I've been trying to get myself to drink green tea and if I have a pretty pot to use it might motivate me. I'll probably treat myself to lunch out too. Need to clear some space for it first but that shouldn't be too hard. I just want to put it away because dh cooks greasy stuff on the stove all the time and I will get upset if it gets icky. (As an aside, one of the things that really upsets me around here is that somehow I can't keep anything looking nice and everyone thinks my stuff is community property - my towel in the bathroom, my trail mix, my hat and gloves, etc.)

Thank you all for your advice and commiseration (in some cases). I can't tell you how much better I feel. The proverbial cloud has been lifted. I may even print your responses and save them for the future. Know that you have made a difference in my life and helped me pick myself up, dust myself off, and face life with a smile and sense of purpose again. :) You guys are THE BEST!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:52pm

((((Ami)))) I'm really sorry to be jumping in on this thread so late. I didn't read it until now. I am SO GLAD you're feeling better and are going to do something just for yourself. That is just so important, no matter what it is.

I, too, know how you feel. I have BTDT. After I had my preemie twins, who were sent home from the NICU on apnea monitors, it was cold and dark out, I had a 2 year-old and 5 year-old son, my husband seemed to be at work CONSTANTLY (And when he wasn't at work, half the time he was dealing with his mom, since she had cancer), and my MIL (whom I loved very much) was dying. Plus I think I had a bit of post-partum depression. I was TOTALLY OVERWHELMED, and very sleep deprived. Some days I didn't even shower. I cried on and off all day. I would get so frustrated and overwhelmed, I would feel physically sick. I didn't want to turn to my friends, feeling like I would burden them. I wasn't really on line much then. I couldn't turn to my mom, because I don't trust her. I did turn to my sisters, but they had young children or careers or problems of their own. I couldn't turn to my SILs, because it was their mother who was dying, and I did share with my husband, but he was also grieving for his mom and totally overwhelmed. . .

But you know what? I got through it and I survived. And we are stronger as a family because of it. Sometimes you just have to ride the storms. And you have to step back and take a deep breath and say to yourself: "I have to prioritize things here, because all of it is too much to swallow at once." And then deal with just one small thing at a time.

Speaking of my MIL, she used to tell me an old saying that has often helped me out: "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Which translates well to: All you have to worry about is TODAY. That's all you have to deal with. You only have the present moment. Tomorrow, you worry about tomorrow.

I'm glad you come here to vent. It's a good outlet. And we are all here to listen, offer prayers and hugs and support. And even if your RL friends aren't there for you, we're your real friends too!

Now go treat yourself to something fun and nice, and take some "Me Time"!! :)




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Avatar for sesamemom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 2:07pm
I'm going to copy down that saying & frame it in something
Thanks to Kelly (mom2emsopmax) for my beautiful siggy! Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 4:37pm

I am so glad to hear you are doing all that good stuff for yourself tomorrow.......... and don't just do it tomorrow...you deserve that sort of treatment(okay, maybe not a new teapot all the time...LOL) once a week...!!







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