What happened to my sweet little girl?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
What happened to my sweet little girl?!?
4
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 12:37pm

My daughter is 12 and recently has just been a bear to live with. Granted she wasn't the perfect child, but she was so easy to get along with.

But lately, she is so mean to everyone in the family. She will walk by one of her siblings and whisper some derogatory remark, like stupid or dumdum. If anyone touches her stuff, she totally overreacts and starts yelling at them. I don't even mean they are using her things, but if she leaves it out, and they pick it up and ask her what it is, she starts screaming, that's mine! Don't touch it! If you try to talk to her about it she just starts yelling more and getting smart aleck. She teases her brother endlessly, and when she walks by she will shoulder check him. The other day she smacked her eight year old sister in the face. She claws them and is generally really mean to them. If she is asked about it,she lies and says that she didn't do it.

If I ask her why she's doing these things she just says she doesn't know. I've explained to her that you just can't treat people this way and physically hurting people is just unacceptable. How would she like to live in a house where she were treated that way?

If I try to take something away as punishment, she will try to yank it away from me and tell me that she's just going to get it later and use it. She is already grounded for the rest of the school year because she was sent to her room which she refused, so she was given an extra job, which she also refused to do. The past two mornings in a row, we have gotten into screaming matches.

What I'm doing is obviously not working. Help! One of my questions is, do you punish your kids for yelling at you and back talking? How do you handle it with out it turning into a screaming match?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 12:53pm
hi there, I know exactly what you are going through. I went through this same thing a few months ago with my 12 year old daughter. My husband and I totally punish our kids for back talking and screaming. It always seems like this behavior escalates during her pms week. After being consistent with the punishment she finally stopped doing it. She was even being a bear to her friends and when they said something she finally noticed that it wasn't just us being mean. We take privalages away from her when these things happen. It seems to work. We give her extra chores and we take a weeks allowance away. My husband has alot of influence with the girls. I am not sure if you have the same support but maybe a close male figure that you trust would be willing to help you. I am guessing you are a mom, if not this could work in reverse too by finding a trusted female friend. I think it works best when both parents can support eachother. Then the child doesn't feel like you are always picking on them. Plus it gives you a break. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:20pm

Sounds like some major hormonal issues and pretty normal tween/teen behavior!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 6:33pm
Thank you for your responses. At least I know I'm not alone. :) I guess I just need to keep plugging along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 8:10am

My son is the tween in the family and I am seeing him start to exhibit hormonal behaviour. He doesn't get angry as much as he gets anxious and upset. My daughter is now 15 going on 16 and has passed this particular phase of which you speak. She was the one who would have angry outbursts and yes sometimes she would hit especially her younger brother.

If I have anything to offer you it is that "this too shall pass" and I think a stern admonition to her when this happens and trying to separate her by having her go to her room and get herself together might help.