What would you do if you found out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
What would you do if you found out...
13
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 5:02pm
that 2 of your friend's husbands were on the Megan's Law website?! This is the Ca. website that shows all the sexual predators online and what they did. I think other states have the same kind of disclosure online now.
Long story, but I found TWO of my friend's husbands on there! One was a neighbor. This happened last year. I actually said something to both of them...it was very awkward.
Because of the fact I had a bad first marriage with trust issues, I was thinking this all over for a YEAR after I found them on there and decided they might not even know...so I said something.
Would you say something? Would you still be "friends" with the wife?
If you want any more info, I have a lot to tell that happened...it has been so weird!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:49pm

Just wanted to say sorry if this is too offensive, I just couldn't believe the stuff I found out about the people I know!

yikes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:57pm

Difficult situation with the wife and your friendship with her. I guess I just can't imagin how a woman can stay with a man who would be on Megan's List! Anyhow, I would absolutely warn the kids to keep away from him. We have a guy on Megan's list that lives 5 homes away from me. Ugh.

Lynn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:30pm

First I'd want to know details. Not for salacious reasons but what was he charged with. Sometimes I've heard of cases where a 18 year old boy is charged with having sex with a minor when his 17 year old girl friend's parents press charges. They are then registered as a sex offender, however I would not be bothered by that if it was his only charge and he's now 30. Now if it was something involing a 25 year old and a young girl or something involving a child then I'd be freaked because I truly believe that true pedophiles can not be cured. They are always attracted to children although maybe they can control it and not act on it. But you never know.


I'm not sure what I would do if it was a friend. I know my child would not be spending anytime alone at their house and if they had children of their own I'd be scared silly. I would probably tell the wife but then, maybe she already knows then she'll likely be mad at you for bringing it up. I don't think you can win in those situations.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:51pm

My BIL's father was incestuous with two of his children when they were small. He is often around at family gatherings and I am very pleasant to him . His past has nothing to do with me and I figure if his own children

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:03am

I guess it really depends on how close you are to these people! If these are very close friends that you spend a lot of time with, then I would by all means speak to the wives!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:49am
I already talked to the wives. One claimed she knew nothing about it, the other one said she knew of something in his past, but wasn't sure what it was.
Personally, I think they both knew. And they didn't care. They turned a blind eye to it all.
My neighbor ended up moving and my other friend is still with her husband....they're both still with them.
well, I guess now I feel like I'm gossiping and I'll stop. I never let the kids go to their homes after that. You just never know if people change or not, and I'm not willing to take that chance with my kids.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 7:43am
You got a lot of great advice and I agree with those who say it depends on what they are on there for.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 9:44am
I would be cautious but stay friends. I do not think i would want to know how they got on the list. I would not allow my kids to stay around them without supervision though and If they had kids I would be cautious with them spending time around my kids......But that is just me. Good luck
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:12pm

Does it say what they're on there for? Specifially? I ask because my hubby is a military recruiter and had to turn away a young man because he was a registered sex offender. Looking in to it, it turns out when he was 13 he showed a porn mag to his 12 yr old cousin who'd asked him a sexual question. Her parents freaked out, he was arrested and required to register as an offender. Hell never joing ANY branch of the military. While it's definite that you want to protect your kids, you have to remember the law is very wide on this subject. If you find out what it was for, then you can have a better idea of how to react. If he'd had sex with an underage girl in high school that's one thing. But if he's raped a girlfriend's 12 yr old daughter, well that's another story altogether..call me and we'll find a place to dump his body....

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:15am
Yes, I know what they both were on there for. One was for lewd and lascivious conduct w/ children...the other was for the same thing with a child 14 or younger. Yeah, they both had their "defenses" but the stories were not the same as their charges.
Yes, the website lists specific charges.
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