When Are They Old Enough To…

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Registered: 01-21-2005
When Are They Old Enough To…
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Mon, 02-26-2007 - 9:43am

We’re looking for opinionated moms who might want to share their thoughts on this topic for an upcoming segment on the Today show


Does your first-grader have a cell phone? Is 13 too young to date? We want your honest opinions on when a child is really ready to:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:26am

We’re looking for opinionated moms who might want to share their thoughts on this topic for an upcoming segment on the Today show

Does your first-grader have a cell phone? Is 13 too young to date? We want your honest opinions on when a child is really ready to:
My daughter had her cell phone since Kindergarden, She was taught to use it correctly.

· Go to the mall or movies without a parent
Maybe when she shows that she is capable and mature enough to go. And she will only go with friends.

· Attend a boy-girl party
I believe my daughter is capapable of attending a party now at the age of 11.

· Get a cell phone
This depends on what the child is using it for.

· Drive without a parent
Only when she gets her drivers license at the age of 16.

· Stay home alone
When she shows that she is capable of doing this.

· Wear makeup or shave legs
When she shows she is responsible and is mature enough to handle this.

· Go on a date
When she shows she is responsible and mature enough to go.

· Get ears pierced
I have to say when she is responible enough to take care of them on her own.

Just copy and paste this list into your response and tell us what you think!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:58am

·Go to the mall or movies without a parent- The mall, no way! Besides the peer pressure to do innapropriate activities (shoplifting, misbehave) I don't think kids need to be hanging out there for no reason. IF they have a reason to shop, they need to be supervised if they aren't old enough to drive themselves. 13 is old enough to go to the movies unsupervised, but only in a group with the understanding that they stay together..even going to the restroom or consessions.

·Attend a boy-girl party- This would depend on the level of adult supervision. As long as adults are in the same vicinity in the house I have no problem with the kids interracting. If the parents are getting drunk in the basement and hiding from the kids, that is NOT supervision

·Get a cell phone- While my youngest got one in 5th grade due to a security risk our family had, I feel that 6th grade is a more appropriate time. Kids are beginning to have more freedoms and after school activities so I think it can be justified. Younger is okay if there's a need..walking to and from school unsupervised, etc.

·Drive without a parent- Once they get their license, of course, but that won't mean a 'free reign' to do whatever. Trust and experience will need to be built up for several months, so it will be 'destination travel', not hopping in the car to go hang out or cruise around.

·Stay home alone- We didn't leave our kids home alone until the youngest was old enough to take care of herself. It was 5th grade for her before we began leaving them home for a couple of hours at a time. We didn't want the oldest to have to be in charge of the youngest because they're both very strong people and it would only cause conflict.

·Wear makeup or shave legs- I intended to hold off leg shaving till she had hair under her arms but she became very conscious of her hairy legs in 5th grade. When I refused to let her she resorted to using scissors so I gave in. She started wearing lip gloss in 6th grade and now in 7th I allow brown eyeliner and mascara but not bright lip stick. She's bought some blue eyeshadow and I'll let her wear it as long as she doesn't look like a clown! LOL!

·Go on a date- This is a hard one. I'd prefer her to go in groups and I don't see her being allowed to go on a 'car date' until she's old enough to drive...I'd like her to be able to get home if she needs to.

·Get ears pierced- She had her first holes as an infant but we made her wait until her 13th birthday for her second holes..I put my foot down on the upper ear cartilage piercing because she plays volleyball and has to take all earrings off for that. The cartilage piercing MUST have something in it all the time for at least a year so that would keep her from playing sports...that's NOT going to happen.

Denise

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Registered: 06-29-2001
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:35am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:14pm

Go to the mall or movies without a parent: 12-13 yrs. old.

· Attend a boy-girl party: High School (as long as parents are present)

· Get a cell phone: High School

· Drive without a parent: Six to eight months after getting license

· Stay home alone: 12

· Wear makeup or shave legs: High school

· Go on a date: 16

· Get ears pierced: 8

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:26pm

Does your first-grader have a cell phone? In the 1st grade my kids were never unsupervised, so there was no need for one. At 11 and 13 they both have one.

Is 13 too young to date? Yes.

· Go to the mall or movies without a parent-- The nearest mall is 30 minutes away, so they need a parent to get there. There is a movie theater a few blocks away and both have gone there with a group of friends.

· Attend a boy-girl party-- depends on the type of party. A birthday party sure; a boy-girl pair-up party, not at their current ages at all. Maybe once in high school, but only if I know the parents and believe the supervision will be adequate.

· Get a cell phone-- When they're allowed to be out and about without an adult, and show they're responsible in using the phone and taking care of it.

· Drive without a parent-- Over 16, and only if they show they're responsible.

· Stay home alone-- When they have the maturity to do so.

· Wear makeup or shave legs-- My 13yo DD, started wearing tinted lip gloss and neutral eye shadow in 5th grade. Now she rarely wears any, claims it's too much trouble. I really believe not fighting her on it took away a lot of the attraction.

· Go on a date-- Not until 15 at the earliest. I'd like them to have adjusted to the demands of high school before beginning the "drama" of relationships.

· Get ears pierced-- When they show interest. My DD got hers pierced at 5. Unfortunately we found out she's allergic to metal, even 14c gold made her break out in a rash. She'd like to get more piercings, but there's no way I'd allow it now because of her allergy. Fortunately, all her friends are on my side, everytime she mentions wanting something pierced they talk her out of it, bringing up how awful she'd look with the rash all over her face and neck.

Leslie

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Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:58pm

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 7:15pm

A lot of these answers will depend on the child.

· Go to the mall or movies without a parent
Maybe around 7th grade.

· Attend a boy-girl party
Well, we're just getting into the girl-only parties! But, I think high school
with good parent supervision.
· Get a cell phone
Depends on the situation, but just for chatting, high school.
· Drive without a parent
Not immediately after getting a license, and built up over time.
· Stay home alone
Definitely not before it's legal, and depends on the child's maturity,
responsibility, and emotional security.
· Wear makeup or shave legs
Make-up to school--High school...there's no need for it younger than that
(other than lip gloss, nail polish & such-in appropriate shades). Shaving legs
depends on the need for shaving, can be as early as starting middle school if
the need arises.
· Go on a date
A double-date maybe at 10th grade. A dance with a date maybe at 9th grade.
Single date probably not until 12th grade.
· Get ears pierced
My child got hers pierced as an infant. And I don't approve of multiple
piercings.


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Registered: 01-01-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:38pm

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Registered: 01-18-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:47am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 9:42am

Does your first-grader have a cell phone? Are you kidding??? A first grader should never be unsupervised where he/she needs a cell phone to call someone.

Is 13 too young to date? Absolutely! Dating at 13 is asking for trouble.

We want your honest opinions on when a child is really ready to:

· Go to the mall or movies without a parent - Going to the mall without a parent is truly unnecessary. Children should have better, more constructive things to do than to wander aimlessly around a mall looking for trouble. If a child needs to buy something and wants to go with friends to buy it, then it would be fine to go to the mall without supervision at 14, but only for a specific purpose not to just wander around.

· Attend a boy-girl party - Depends on the purpose of the party. If it is a birthday party then 11 is fine. For just a get together I think 12 or 13. As long as I know the children attending and the parents supervising, boy-girl parties are fine at pretty much any age. Most girls and boys don't want to hang out together until 12 anyway.

· Get a cell phone - No elementary school child needs a cell phone. Under the age of 11 a child shouldn't be unsupervised where they need their own phone. Even if you drop your child off at soccer practice there should be an adult there who has a phone to call a parent if a need arises. In middle school a child might need a phone if situations arise where the child will be unsupervised and needs to contact a parent.

· Drive without a parent - At age 16 or whenever they obtain a drivers license. There would be guidelines around this based on the teenagers ability to handle responsibility, trustworthiness, etc.

· Stay home alone - I think at age 10 for less than an hour at a time. As long as the child has shown the ability to handle themselves responsibly. At age 13 for periods under 3 hours. If a child proves they are not responsible or untrustworthy then of course age has nothing to do with being able to stay alone. Not only does a child have to be the right age they need to be able to make good decisions on answering the phone, when to call for help, etc.

· Wear makeup or shave legs - Girls should not wear make up until high school. A girl should shave her legs when they start to get underarm hair. Which is typically 11 or 12. I think shaving is not an age thing more of a need thing.

· Go on a date - Never!! Just kidding. I am hoping my DD will be too busy with sports and school activities to want to date. In general I think group dates can start in 10th grade around 15 and solo dates at 16. But only if the teen is responsible enough. Not everyone matures at the same ages.

· Get ears pierced - When they are old enough to take care of them. Around 10 is a good age.

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