Why so nasty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Why so nasty?
9
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:19am

We went for dgd's bday. We drove down Friday went to the party sat. & drove back Sunday. Dil was her usual cheery self (not). She got really mad about the pics I took at the shower & wedding I had forgotten them in the rush at ds's house. I told her we could stop by today before we headed out & she could pick what she wanted & I'd leave the negatives so

Dee  

Mom to Nik

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:27am

Is this Nik's neice?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:32am

Yes, this is Nik's niece & my 1st grandchild. Nik is feeling hurt & I just want to cry. I don't see any reason to drive 10 hrs. round trip to be treated this way. I need to go down there to visit my mom because she's in a nursing home but since she's doing well now I think I need to spend a few months home. I'm always so self concious around her because she has called me many times & told me what I did & what I SHOULD have donne or said.


Thanks, I need some support today cause I just may cry all day.

Dee

Dee  

Mom to Nik

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:37am
(((HUGS)))) Dee!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 10:13am

I'm so sorry she doesn't treat you well. That can really hurt. I agree with the other posters. Talk to your son and see what he has to say. Take a break if it's best for you. If you've been kind and done your best to find out what's going on, give yourself some emotional time off.

I also wanted to say thank you for posting the mil point of view. My mil and her dh just came to visit and I have to admit that I wasn't as kind as I could have been. I was upset about the timing of their visit, the notice they gave us (4 days), and a few other little things and while I wasn't outright mean, I certainly wasn't my usual self. Thanks for helping me see that she has feelings too and her grandchildren mean alot to her.

Hope things get better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 10:26am

It sounds as if your relationship with your DIL has never been good. But just as you have your reasons for feeling hurt, she may also feel that she has her reasons for being cranky with you. Maybe she thinks you did something that you're not even aware of doing. It's going to take some time to work this out, but the only way you can work it out is if you are both willing to admit to being at fault.


You can try talking to your son, which is natural, but your DIL might think you're trying to come between the two of them. Therefore, I think it would be better to write them both a letter and tell them you want to talk to both of them together.


Do you want a relationship with your DIL or do you only want her to apologize and treat you better? You'll have more success if it's the former. Otherwise she's only going to get defensive and not hear you. And it isn't fair to make your DS the go-between. His first loyalty should be with his wife, even if she's a really nasty person and you think he deserves way better. This is both morally and socially correct; it's also practical. No family can survive if the

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 12:30pm

I'm not making any overtures to either of them. As far as

Dee  

Mom to Nik

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 7:33pm

Dee, I am so sorry for how you are being treated.

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:11pm

She was just being a jerk I've seen other people go w/her & it was just fine. She even treats my other ds bad & he gave her 16 yr. old ds a job, if it wasn't for younger ds her 16 yr. old wouldn't be working because he wouldn't go fill out applications anywhere. The baby just turned 1 & he still has never gotten a picture of his 1 & only niece.

She gave everyone pictures of the wedding & she never gave younger ds a picture of our family which he is in. She grew up w/an alcoholic for a mom & her mom still drinks alot so she has to tear me down every chance she gets to make herself feel better about her mom.

I don't want to play these game & i won't. I want to be a part of my ds's life & his family but I don't want to be in the middle of it, I don't belong there & don't want to be there. I just want the courtesy & respect she should be giving me. I never give opinions, don't tell her what to do & I'm afraid of asking anything about my own dgd because she calls it prying. Does she walk yet? I think is a normal question for a gram who lives 5 hrs. away to ask. To dil its prying. I can't win. So I'm going to only go down when my parents need me, mom is in a nursing home & I won't call & wait for her or him to call me.

I mentioned that if they had the party next weekend I would have been able to stay for 4 days & she told me she remembered it was a long weekend, from last yr., when we went down after dgd was born. If she thought I would be going to her house everyday she was wrong. I could have made the meeting the nursing home is having w/my dad so he wouldn't have to be there alone & Nik & I may have been able to go to the beach & check out the tide pools. With my mom in a nursing home not doing well at all she should have known I needed to be there longer & I NEVER go to their house if I'm there during the week because I know they work & nights are hectic. I have told her I would never go there, or ask to go there on a work night for that reason.

Obviously we're not doing the 10 hr. turn around trip again this week so dad will have to go to the meeting alone & he's 87 yrs. old but its just too expensive & tiring to do that trip too often.

Sorry I needed to vent. I'm not a meddling mil, just a mom who wants some respect & consideration.

Dee

Dee  

Mom to Nik

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 11:40pm

WOW sounds like a mess! I think if I were you I would sit down and talk to DS and tell him you are unhappy with the relationship and want to take steps to make things better!


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