Wrestling with two things...
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| Thu, 04-10-2008 - 12:51pm |
It must be deep thinking day for me today... I'm wrestling with two things.
1. How do I help Evan understand that just because we impose consequences and discipline doesn't mean we don't love him? We can be upset with his actions, do things he doesn't like and still love him. Right now he thinks we hate him because he called us names last night so we took away his Nintendo DS (1st infraction)and camera (2nd infraction). His bad math grades also caused him to lose his ipod for awhile. The kid can do this stuff (math - he's tested 3 years above grade level). He just doesn't put in the effort.
2. He got into a "situation" on the playground before break and was suspended from student council exec board (still on student council though). Here's what I understand... A boy (A) was picking on another boy (M). Evan and a friend of his tried to put the kid in his place and Evan said "Well, are you a boy or a girl". Okay, right idea, wrong implementation. "A" told the supervisor on the playground what Evan said and Evan and the other kid got written up and had to speak with the Asst. Principal. The teacher then proceeded to tell Evan what he did could be considered sexual harassment. What? I just plain don't get that... The Asst. Principal listened well and explained that while sticking up for the other boy was good, their method was not and they should have spoken to the supervisor about what he was doing. She also made it clear that what "A" did was unacceptable and she wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. Evan and his friend left the office feeling good and no consequences were imposed there. The playground supervisor is one of the student council advisors and told the other advisor what happened and she decided to pull Evan off Exec Board for two weeks. Last night we got into it about doing his homework and after riding a wave of anger, Evan was in tears because "we hated him and his teachers hated him". So, here's where I need some input. Was what Evan said sexual harassment? Did the playground supervisor go overboard in what she said? The poor kid is just in a bad place right now. We took his ipod, we took his DS, he got in trouble at school, he didn't make the advanced math class for the current math unit. I feel so badly for him. He has nothing to help him feel good about himself right now... Stinks to be him...
P.S. I sent both the student council advisors and his homeroom teacher an email yesterday morning saying that I understand his behavior was unacceptable and he needs to be held accountable. I was however very concerned that a bright child who woke up every day in September eager to go to school and learn now believes his teachers hate him and has been down this path before with unfortunate results. His homeroom teacher (who is the best thing that ever happened to him in his school career) wrote me back with some very nice, very helpful things. Haven't heard from the other two yet. :( They're the two I really care about.

Hmmmm I'm going to try and break it down a bit if that's ok.
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In the broadest legal terms it probably could be construed that way as it may be questioning someone's gender/sexuality but in kids terms it sounds like the asst principal did a very good job of explaining what was right to do and how to do it.
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I think she DID because she had already directed it to a more senior staff member who dealt with it as she saw fit and didn't impose sanctions as it seems an isolated incident. From reading your post it feels to me that he was made an example of.
Is there an underlying issue at the school where they need to be seen to be doing? Was he in an exec role on the playground? Have they signed a contract with him detailing what behaviors warrant what consequences/suspensions?
Can he earn his ipod back a little earlier by doing extra chores extra credit assignments or something or would you not feel comfortable with that? The math placement is just one of those things he just has to suck up for the time being as it was his lack of work that caused it. He probably knows that people don't hate him deep down but he's very angry at what he perceives as harsh treatment. Can you arrange a meeting with the exec staff when he's reinstated to go over what they did and reasons to him when it's not quite so fresh and humiliating for him.