WWYD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
WWYD?
13
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 6:49pm

Thanksgiving Monday in Ontario parents of a 15 year old boy felt that their son was addicted to a game called "call of duty." They discovered he was getting up in the middle of the night to play and skipping school so he could play. His father took his xbox and the game away from him.


He said he was leaving b/c he was so mad. His father trying to call his bluff helped him pack and told him he needed to take a coat b/c it was going to get cold. He expected him back in a few hours. Brandon did not return. The police were called in the morning and they spent the next three weeks looking for him. His body was discovered and the autopsy showed he died falling out of a tree. His parents and sisters (one is his twin) were devastated.


So my question is do you think they did the right thing? Would you have handled things differently? Personally i believe they did do the right thing. The only thing i would have done differently is i would have looked for him sooner, probably within the half hour.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 8:10pm

No, I would not help my child pack and encourage him to leave. I would have told him that he had broken a trust and needed more parental oversight and I would have installed controls on the computer that forbid him from logging on at certain times of day (for example, our kid's computer doesn't work from midnight until 7am). I would have informed him of the new guidelines, and I probably would not have taken away the xbox (what does that have to do with the computer usage??).

If my child threatened to run away, I probably would not make a huge fuss over it, but neither would I have "helped" him. And I definitely would have informed all his friends parents and I would have called looking for him if he hadn't been home or sighted safe at a friend's home by a reasonable hour.

Those poor parents, this is a devastating story, while I would have done things differently I don't think they did anything wrong by being strict about the consequences. It's a sad story all around and I feel very badly for them. I certainly don't blame them but I imagine they do blame themselves, which is a shame.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 9:03pm

Hi Nancy,


Apparently the game call of duty is played on an x-box. We don't have any systems at our house so i could be mistaken. I would not have helped him pack either,


ODD at age 13 took off in a huff over something trival and i went looking for her about 10 mins after she left. It was 7:30 pm and i was freaking. It took me about 20 minutes to find her and i was on the verge of tears. When i did find her we had a long chat about how to handle things in the future. I also made her do a paper on what happens to runaways and what the alternatives are. She will be 15 next Sunday and we have not had this problem again.


You are right it is a sad story and i feel very badly for his family. I didn't realize a computer could be set up to turn on/off at different times. Can you do the same thing with a gaming system?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 10:39pm

Ok, well here's where I get confused! Just for kicks I put in "call of duty" and I did get a computer based website, so I'm not sure it is xbox ONLY. I would be VERY surprised if a kid (or adult) was THAT addicted to an xbox only game, it is usually the multi-player online stuff that gets the high addiction stuff going on. It just doesn't make a ton of sense for someone of that age to be so enthralled with a home based game that doesn't involve role playing with others.

Could be wrong though. If it did involve xbox only, I would agree with taking away the Xbox, so the parents reacted in the best way they could/should have.

We don't own any gaming systems, so I claim complete ignorance on this game, sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 12:12am
I'm not trying to criticize the parents at this sad time, but no I would not have done things the same way. I would have taken the computer or Xbox or whatever away. And since he was sneaking it, I probably would have put it out of the house. I would never help a child pack to 'run away'. To me that is cruel and if my parents did that when I was a kid, I would have thought that they didn't want me around anymore.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 1:02am

Just out of curiosity I did an online search about this story, it really made no sense to me that someone would be so addicted to an xbox based game. Turns out this was an ONLINE version, they have xbox online now (clueless here! happily so...). Now I'm curious if it is possible to limit the online portion of this, similar to how online filters can limit when a kid can go online via a regular PC. Anyone know?

I went to a lecture this summer on gaming addictions, it was startling, and convicting to me to continue to limit how my son spends his time, he is a kid who could easily become addicted I think, he's really drawn to that sort of thing. It's scary to me how absolutely drawn to this type stuff this generation is, and how it can affect their whole life. It really has convinced me to educate my son on the dangers of video gaming.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:16am

When I was 5 years old, I spouted off to my mother that I was going to run away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:21am

I can remember my parents helping me "pack" when I said I was leaving.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:51am

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I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 8:54am
My heart goes out to this poor family.I am sure the father did what he did out of frustration.Plus kids this age sometimes do say stuff like this to get a reaction.It can be all about the drama.I can imagine saying something like that to Gab if she was in drama queen mode and I chose to enage myself in the no win argument.As an adult I just don't enage her when she gets dranatic.Although she has never threatened to run away or even anything close to that.I do feel bad for the father becasue although it really was not his fault.He will probably live with some type of guilt for the rest of his life becasue he said something stupid in the heat of the moment.which a lot of parents are guilty of at times,they just don't have to live with such horrible consequences.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 9:50am

It says THE POLICE were called in the morning. That doesnt mean his parents didnt begin to look for him much sooner than that.

 

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