abortion of sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
abortion of sick
8
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 7:19am
this is for the people out there who think women should go through with pregnancies where the child is disabled. this may come as a suprise to many as youd think someone with a disability would be against aborting if there is something wrong with the baby. by the way i have cystic fibrosis, diabetes, aspergillus and chronic sinusitus. when my mum found out she was pregnant with me she considered an abortion. they all knew there was a 50% chance id have CF because my brother had it. in the end she chose to go ahead with the pregnancy. a big and stupid risk which backfired. god knows why she chose to go ahead with it, she saw the suffering my brother went through as he got quite sick at an early age. to me that decision seems so selfish, to bring a child into this world to suffer. when people say 'oh i can handle a disabled child' do they ever stop to think if the person they are bringing into this world can handle being disabled? no. my childhood was just like any other childhood but now the fun and games are over. i get sick all the time, i have to take medicines that make me even more sick, im having to have an operation on my sinuses and ive been through some pretty bad experiences. i cant work, so therefore i feel useless and im broke. i wanted to be a vet when i was young. highschool came and i caught every bug going around so i was always sick and my grades dropped. being a vet was out of the question so i decided why not be a vet nurse then? yr 11 came. by that time i couldnt even get out of bed in the mornings i was tired all the time, people were teasing me and imitating me cough, i was scared to do exams incase i disturbed everyone with my coughing. in the end i decided to quit high school. it was pointless staying there. i was going to fail all but 2 subjects, i couldnt handle the teasing and i knew it wasnt going to improve. so goodbye vet nurse dreams. i ended up doing a beauty therapy course and managed to get a job but i could only handle 1 day a week. i finished working there and i havent decided to get a job since as my health has gotten worse. who the hell wants to hire someone who needs time off all the time and needs special requirements?? no one.. i only have a few close friends these days. i dont bother making friends anymore. who wants to hang out with someone who has to stay away from sick people, cant be around smoke, has to cancel outings from being sick and talks about their health problems? no one.. again. oh the joys to know its gonna get worse until im dead. and to think this could have all been fixed if my mum took up the offer from the doctor to have an abortion. sorry for the long post =P

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 7:48am
Well, in a perfect world, the unborn could speak for themselves and there would be no need for any of these debates...

That being said, I do feel for what you are going through. I have no advice, just prayers that you find peace.

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 9:10am
So what you are saying is that your mom should not have had the choice to have children? That because there was a 50/50 chance you could be sick, she should have aborted? People teased me because we didn't have a lot of money and I had to wear the same outfit twice in a week. Are you in the US? Because here there are laws which help to protect the rights of people in your situation so they can have employment.

I'm sorry you are sick and going through so much, but abortion is not the answer.

Kim 

Mom to Brad, Ma

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 5:16pm
First, I'm sorry you are so unhappy. I wish there was something someone could do for you, or, that you could do for yourself to feel better mentally/spiritually.

In any event, I also sympathize with your mother. I can't really put myself in her shoes as I havent been there. But, if I wanted a second child, I think I probably would have taken the same "risk" as she did. Either way, I believe in choice. Which means I believe women should have the choice to terminate a pregnancy, or, of course, carry to term. Women should never be forced to abort due to the chance of health problems with their fetus. After all, there is *always* a chance of health problems...

Perhaps also she didnt have access to all the tests that can now pick up all sorts of genetic abnormalities. Still, even if she did, she might have chosen to carry you to term regardless. I know others who have facing worse problems...

MM 29 weeks pregnant w/twins

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 5:52pm
The overwhelming feeling I get from your post is that you are very unhappy, and it hurts me to see someone so unhappy. I know medical problems are awful - having recently been through chemo, where you cannot be around anyone sick and have to cancel outings, if you plan any, because you are too sick or tired, or just plain embarassed of your bald head and bloated appearance. I know that being sick can bring on a lot of depression, and that *can* be helped. Perhaps if I ever figure out a way around the lack of childcare, I'll seek some help myself.

While I don't know - as you do - what it is like to spend a lifetime being sick, I wouldn't have wanted to be aborted if there had been a way for my mom to know I would go through this. Have you not even a few happy points in your life that you would have been sorry to miss? The love of family? Anything?

I hope you are able to find a way to find positive things and joy in your life. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have aborted you either.

-Deb

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 5:22am
i was the third child by the way. mum thought because her second child didnt have cf i wouldnt either. pretty silly assumption. im in australia and yes, there are laws to protect disabled workers.. but thats if you already have a job. even then ive heard of it failing but im glad it hasnt happened to me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 8:49am
Have you received any assistance through the agency that does vocational rehabilitation in your state? If not, you may want to give them a call and see if they can do anything to help you find something that helps.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. My guess is your mother did what she thought was best, and while you may disagree whether she did the right thing, bear in mind that she had no way to ask you what your preferences were. She had no way of knowing whether you might feel that life, even a very difficult one, was better than no life at all. Some people do feel that way, of course, although no one can or should tell you how *you* should feel about your particular situation, and I'm not trying to either.

Are you in touch with other young people that have CF? If not, maybe talking to other people about how they handle some of the same issues you're facing will give you some hope. Best wishes to you and prayers that you will not always feel the way you feel now about your life -- Kao

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 11:17am
I don't really know what to say except I am so sorry to hear that you are so unhappy and lonely. I've noticed in the local section of our paper that they list support groups for different things...would you be interested in anything like that? Getting together with people who are going through the same things as you are? Some people are interested in that and some aren't...if so, that might be worth checking out. The local hospital might even have information about this. You might balk at such a thing, but it might be helpful to talk to someone who is feeling the same feelings about life.

Again, I'm really sorry you feel so bad. I wish there were something I could, but there isn't except to tell you that I love my children more than my own life and I would have done what your mother did. I would have given my children life.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: kyles101
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 1:33pm
I'm also very sorry for the position you're in. Unfortunately, I don't feel that a woman should be pressured into having an abortion because her child is ill. If she wanted another child, that was her choice and she lives with the outcome. Having said that, I don't think I could have done that. It would be too hard for me to know I was about to bring a child into this world knowing they had a great chance of suffering as you do. And I realize that society is not generally kind towards people with these kinds of diseases. I think there can be compassion on both sides of the fence; One side of women who think "of course I'll raise this child to the best of my ability and love him unconditionally" and the others who understand the cruelties of life for a person who suffers the way this poster does and wishes that upon no one. Granted, few can overcome their disabilities and live a wonderful life, but I think we all know not everyone can be so strong. I do wish the world was perfect and everyone can be accepted as they are and that we had the technology and medicine to ease the suffering. Unfortunately, we aren't there yet as a society and personally, I wouldn't risk a child's lifetime of suffering just so I could be a mother. Those are the times I think people would be better off adopting.

Oh yeah, I don't need the patronizing comebacks like "oh, so a child should be aborted for having a club foot, or down syndrome?". Ugh, i hate those kind of responses. You're all intelligent folks, you know I'm talking about those extremely rare cases like the one this poster mentions where extreme pain and suffering that no one should have to endure.


This is a little off topic, but someone mentioned selfishness. I don't feel this case is about the selfishness of a mother, in fact, I think its pretty hard for a mother to ever be selfish. But do you all remember those deaf parents who wanted to make their baby deaf as well?? That was a while ago, but that is some real selfishness in my opinion.