Abortion used as birth control

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Abortion used as birth control
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Tue, 06-03-2003 - 11:54pm
I'm tired of hearing about back alley abortions killing women. Was birth control what it is today back then? Not even close.

The fact is that it's not the women or children who are raped or molested that are having the bigger share of abortions, but the majority are career women who are single and use abortion as a form of birth control. Not only is that apalling, it's inexcusable.

I've known several such women through my life. One particular girl I knew in high school. She slept with anyone she pleased never bothering to use protection. I think the last I heard, she had had 5 abortions. An ex-sister-in-law of mine had so many abortions, the last one they refused to do. My best friend came to me about 10 years ago, complaining she was pregnant. He she told me, "I'll just get an abortion." As if it was like having dental work or liposuction done. She was 30 years old at the time. 30 and single, but sleeping with her boyfriend, using no birth control whatsoever. I suspect that she had had previous abortions, I'm most certain of it actually. But I wasn't about to let her do this without a fight from me. I sat her down and talked through the night onto the morning of the next day. She was afraid what her mother would think. Thank God I talked sense into her. But I didn't leave it at that. I followed up making sure she got into the system for health care. No, she's not a welfare lifer, just used it liked it's suppose to be used for that brief period of time. I'm happy to say that she has a beautiful nine year old daughter that is the love of her life.

I don't think anyone has a right to tell anyone that they have to do something that could possibly kill them. That is the only way I would accept a woman having an abortion, if her life was threatened by the pregnancy. That's between her and her Maker. Yes pregnancy can be a life altering event, so what? It's very rare that women die from giving birth these days. I just wish women would stop using it as a form of birth control, while all the other women defend their right to do so.

I'm sick of hearing it's not a baby too. Let's not even consider the whole embryo thing. What about the abortions performed when a woman is 6 months along? You think that's not a baby? I've heard of babies being born earlier and surving. I've heard of doctor's having to kill that aborted baby after the abortion. Try telling a woman who's had a miscarriage that she lost a blob of cells rather than a baby. I've had a miscarriage, no one will convince me it's not a baby.

How many of you that are pro abortion would be appalled at someone destroying unborn puppies? I bet there are many who value animals more than they do human life.

No, the ones who want abortion legal want to keep it that way, not because they care about women, not at all. It's so they can rationalize that it's okay for them to do it if the times comes for them. They want it available, just in case.

Use birth control. And if it fails be prepared, because it does happen. Can't stand that chance? Then don't have sex for crying out loud. Or, have your tubes cut and tied if you don't want to have a child. Why make the innocents suffer for your mistakes? Been raped, get to the hospital where they can keep you from becoming pregnant. Just behave responsibly, that's all it takes.

JMHO

Marisa

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Avatar for mshell67
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 8:44am
Wow. That's all I can say without really reaming you. I just wonder how it feels to be so perfect, so all-seeing that you see all sides of the situation, it must be wonderful! JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 10:02am
This is a debate board, not a diatribe board. This post was so chock full of judgement, misstatements, and untruths that it's hard to know where to begin...so I think I just won't.

Have you been omniscient long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 12:24pm
"How many of you that are pro abortion would be appalled at someone destroying unborn puppies? I bet there are many who value animals more than they do human life."

First, I'm not pro-abortion...and I've never met anyone who is. Secondly, you can hardly compare having puppies to the creation of a new human being. I do love animals and dearly value their importance on our planet, but to equate a puppy with a person is a stretch and is self-defeating to your cause.

You're right that those women do exist...women who have no regard for their own lives or safety, have indiscriminate sex and get pregnant and have abortions and then just go on to the next round of problems. But they are as much in the minority as the women you spoke of who are seeking abortions after rape. I dislike it probably as much as you do that some women have 5 or 6 abortions and still don't seem to be responsible enough to consider contraception. But what kind of lives would they provide for their children if they'd had them?

The fact is that the majority of women having abortions are not "repeat offenders" as you say. They're regular women like you and me - women who do take sensible precautions or have one lapse in responsibility. And they're women who try like hell not to let it happen again.

My approach is that I'll support a woman's right to choose abortion whether its her first or her tenth...but I'll also do whatever I can to educate her, and instill some sense of pride and strength in herself.

So the next time one of your friends has their umpteenth abortion, be a good friend. Ask her what happpened that she wasn't using protection. Tell her that as much as her crappy bf thinks condoms sucks, it sucks way less than having to go through another problematic pregnancy and termination. That STD's suck way less than using condoms. Ask her why she feels that abortion is the best option for her....is it because of the man in her life? So tell her any man not good enough to have babies with isn't good enough for her! Is it her lack of education or a good job or financial stability? So tell her to USE the opportunity she's created for herself by having the abortion! Use it to work hard to finish school or get a better job or pay off her debts or whatever...put herself in a better position so that the next time it happens, she'll be stable and able to care for a child.

You seem to have the impression that most women go through abortions as easily as getting their hair cut or some such thing. That isn't the case...the women who would lead you to believe that have problems that they're willfully ignoring. No one goes through the decision making and the action without thinking about their life and what led to the pregnancy and the reasons they feel they can't have the child. The difference is in the support afterward - the pushing to keep thinking about those things, not to give up and pretend they don't care or that its inevitable, to be responsible and make necessary changes.

If you don't like abortion, stop wasting your energy railing against the women who have them. Be a good friend to those women in your life, and use your energy to prevent them from needing them in the first place.

`
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 1:07pm
But you see, there in lies some of the problem. Does having abortion legal allow women to make these poor choices? Would women stop before just falling into bed with whomever? There is something really wrong with the idea that a woman is having sex with a man she would want to be forever connected to and not using protection. She is exposing herself to disease and possible death.

Then there's the comment about using the time to better themselves, to become more stable. That is double edged. Women can better themselves and keep the baby. For some, keeping the baby is the impetus to do that. There are so many women who just have the abortion and keep going on with what they were doing and don't change anything.

The early feminists were right when they wrote that society has failed when a woman feels that she has no other choice than abortion.

Kim 

Mom to Brad, Ma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 2:05pm
Making abortion illegal would not stop or cut back on irresponsible people being irresponsible. It would just be punitive and unsafe. Women DO use protection but it fails.

Sure women can better themselves and keep the baby but it's much harder and they may not have the resources or they *may not want to*

The early feminists were only right for a particular group of women. It's way too simplistic to try to apply one statement generally across all women who get abortions. It makes waaayy too many assumptions about circumstances and states of mind that simply cannot be known. That's the problem with wanting to legislate a deeply personal medical decision in the first place.

KJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 2:10pm
"Does having abortion legal allow women to make these poor choices? Would women stop before just falling into bed with whomever? There is something really wrong with the idea that a woman is having sex with a man she would want to be forever connected to and not using protection. She is exposing herself to disease and possible death."

I do agree that women should think twice about having sex with someone that they wouldn't want to be associated with otherwise...and I think that's a HUGE part of the problem here. Because of those issues and others, I don't think that making abortion illegal would solve any of the problems that those women face. The women like the one that the original poster was talking about...those have a lot of sex with a lot of different men and with no thought of contraception and STD's - honestly I think they give no more fore-thought about having an abortion later than they do about using contraception in the first place. Their behavior isn't a result of having abortion available to them, and neither would it be altered if abortion weren't available.

Instead, their behavior (in my experience and opinion) is often the result of a lot of other factors: no responsible female role models, no women friends or family to give them good advice or a kick in the butt about sex and contraception, no self esteem or pride in themselves or their bodies, etc, etc...and for a lot of those women, I'd be willing to bet their is some form of abuse in their history.


"Then there's the comment about using the time to better themselves, to become more stable. That is double edged. Women can better themselves and keep the baby. For some, keeping the baby is the impetus to do that."

I do agree with you here, too....my perspective was looking at a woman after the fact of having an abortion. She has two choices: continue on the same destructive path (which is easy to do: path of least resistance, and probably feeling even less self-esteem since she's feeling irresponsible after the pregnancy) or she can accept what's happened to her, and work her butt off to see that she's not in the same boat again.

"There are so many women who just have the abortion and keep going on with what they were doing and don't change anything."

You're right...and likewise, there are many women out there with 4 or 5 children from 4 or 5 different fathers who also show no signs at all of changing their lives and improving their situations.

"Women can better themselves and keep the baby. For some, keeping the baby is the impetus to do that."

Again, I agree. I'm certainly not saying that the only way to better your life is to choose abortion....some women can take either choice and use it as encouragement to make positive changes. Some women will feel that drive innately, and others will need support. My point to the original poster was that if she has friends who've had multiple pregnancies and abortions, then perhaps she could be the one encouraging those positive changes in behavior.


"The early feminists were right when they wrote that society has failed when a woman feels that she has no other choice than abortion."

Again, please don't misread my words as saying that the only way to improve one's situation is to abort all pregnancies until life is "perfect". Clearly I don't believe that....but if I were speaking to a woman after an abortion, I'd advise using the 'suckiness' of the situation as the drive to change whatever it is in her life that made her feel that abortion was her best option. If the guy wasn't good enough, then get rid of him and hold out for someone better. If the timing was poor, then learn how to use contraception appropriately. If she was being promiscuous, well then help her figure out why she's acting out in that way and encourage responsibility. If its financial, take steps to improve the situation. If its finishing school, then use the drive to make A's and graduate.



All of the same could be said in terms of continuing the pregnancy as well, but I was responding to her post about multiple abortions.

`
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 3:31pm
I agree...for some women...for instance, I went to college with a girl who *claims* to have had 10 abortions and when she went in for her 11th her dr refused her so she gave birth to the baby and gave it up for adoption(open adoption)....it wasn't very long before she was pregnant again...she gave that little boy up for adoption to the same family who adopted the first one(she showed me pictures)...this all seemed to be a game to her...don't know if she was just covering up or if it really was just no big deal to her, but she really didn't seem to think it was a big deal to have had 10 abortions(so she claimed)

Then I worked with a girl who had had 3 abortions by the time she was 19...the first one at the age of 13...she too didn't seem to think it was a big deal. Her reason for the 3rd one? She didn't want a baby with red hair like her boyfriend's...at least that's what she said. Have to remember she was young.

Point is the younger generation(I'm probably older than most of you...yikes)have grown up with abortion being legal and haven't known anything any different...so it's just natural, or *normal*...this generation is "conditioned" so to speak. Abortion isn't any big deal to this generation like it might be to mine or my mother's...and please, this generation...please don't take offense at this as none is meant. You have grown up with abortion being legal, or part of your culture...if that makes any sense. As for me, abortion became legal while I was in junior high school and it was a big deal!! It was a big deal when girls in school got abortions!

Anyway, starting to ramble...but it is sad that some women abuse their right to abortion because while every woman does have the legal right to abort if they want to it's not a right to be taken lightly as some women...like the ones I mentioned above...and like some I'm sure some of you guys know, have done

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 3:41pm
"Her reason for the 3rd one? She didn't want a baby with red hair like her boyfriend's..."

Honestly...I think these girls probably have huge issues in their lives, some we can see and some we probably can't. Her red hair excuse is probably just that...an excuse, something innocuous to focus on so she won't have to think about or talk about the real issue.

The important thing for this discussion, I think, is to realize that these girls with major problems aren't representative of the average woman seeking abortion. These girls are as much a minority as those wanting abortion after rape or due to medical complications.

`
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 5:33pm
Yes, I'm sure you're right...Probably she was just being "funny" because the situation was just so sad....just trying to make light of it, ya know what I mean? It was her 3 rd abortion and she made no secret of that. She was probably a little embarrassed and was probably trying to make light of it...I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure you're right, that probably wasn't the real issue...she had had her first one at 13 and claims to have been on birth control each time she got pregnant.

And yes, I also agree that these girls are the minority. I'm sure that there are more girls that take abortion more seriously than those girls did.

Sue

Avatar for sati769
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 8:15pm
all I have to say to your post is

READ AND POST A LITTLE MORE PROPAGANDA WHY DON'T YOU?

abortions performed after 6 months are ALL for medical reason and not by persoanl choice "I change my mind and don't want to be pregnant anymore". get effing real

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