Adoption vs. Abortion from another angle
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|Thu, 06-12-2003 - 10:13am|
After 8 1/2 years of marriage, using birth control correctly, my husband & I decided we definitely do not want children. He agreed that the best way to go about ensuring this was to have a vasectomy. Before we had the chance to talk to our doctor about him getting a vasectomy, I discovered myself pregnant (how the heck did that happen?!?!?! I know birth control isn't perfect, but talk about timing.) It also can take up to a year to actually GET a vasectomy here, if you go to a urologist.... we lucked out & found a GP who would do it, he had a three month waiting list and then we got in sooner due to a cancellation. All that really doesn't apply to the fact that there is a time lag, maybe a long time lag, between deciding to be sterilized & being able to have the procedure done (and waiting to make sure the vasectomy was effective, as well).
We discussed things, and came to the conclusion that we REALLY don't want kids (no shock, we'd already decided that) & decided to abort (that was a shock, I didn't think I would ever do that, but discovered that the idea of being a mother was much more repulsive. Don't get me wrong, Mom's are great people, everyone has/had one, but that doesn't mean I want to be one.). It was the right decision for us.
Now, can you really imagine opting for adoption in that case? Take a loving couple, financially capable of supporting a child, emotionally unwilling. Imagine telling family & friends, as they note you are pregnant, "No, we're not having children, I'm giving it away at birth." It seems ridiculous.... I do think that those women who can go through with an unwanted pregnancy & give the resulting child up for adoption are amazing people, I am not that amazing, trust me. I KNOW I couldn't do that.
I was also definitely starting to feel the physical aspects of being pregnant by the time I found out (perfect period regulation is not one of the side effects of the pill that I have ever experienced)... I didn't feel it move, but I was starting to find it hard to bend & painful to stretch. I am a physically VERY active person, I could not cope with the thought of my body being inhabited by someone who was going to keep me from moving properly, when I didn't ask for that someone in the first place. Maybe it is different when you wanted the pregnancy in the first place, but I imagine there are still times when a pregnant woman is frustrated by the restrictions on the muscular functions of her body. (OK, this paragraph digresses somewhat from the rest of what I'm saying, but to me it also figures into the fact that I can't imagine carrying a pregnancy to term only to give up the child)
Now, I realize I am likely to get some very different opinions from my own on these thoughts. I wouldn't post this on a debate board if I wasn't prepared to face them. I really would honestly like to know how anyone can imagine a married couple giving a baby up for adoption?!