Are pro family women weak?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Are pro family women weak?
137
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 9:45pm
I have a question for PC.

What is your opinion of SAHM's and PL? Do you view us as weak, empty headed, man worshiping, baby machines? Do you feel that we are somehow less of a success than those who are business managers, business owners, computer techs, presidents, nurses, factory workers - women who persued their material and personal goals? Do you think that we sold out or lost out by living the life we lead? Do you feel that somehow we are losing out on life in some way? Are we anti-woman? Are we slaves to our husbands and children? Why are we viewed so oddly by working women and men? Why are we viewed as weak by so many PC?

My point is that I believe that I am as much a success or more so than any full time working professional woman. I used to be that kind of woman myself, but had to go another way - sahm. Sure, there are material and personal goals that I won't meet tomorrow, but no one says that they won't come the day after that. What I have now I can't get later in life - for my child will be grown then. Her time is irreplacable - for me and myself, there is always tomorrow. I sold out to no one - there are two different paths to life I had to chose from - material ambitions or family ambitions. I felt that ONE of them deserved my full time and attention - for no one can serve two masters. As far as losing out on life - I'd say the shoe is actually on the other foot. For the first time in a long time I am LIVING life. And am very much PRO woman, just not pro abortion. I am no slave to my husband or child - rather they are what I based my happiness and successes are based upon theirs in kind.

When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, sure it can be a shock. It can mean that there is a change in plans. Your current wants and desires may not be within reach if you keep your pregnancy. So, that potential life for you my become impossible - but at the same time, a new life with new potential and posibilies becomes yours as a mother and woman. You may not be VP of a marketing company next year, but you will be Queen of a castle and a people known as your family. You may not have a Lexus by the age of 30, but you will have colored pictures, gum in the carpet and arms around your neck each night saying "I love you mommy". You may not keep that cute little figure of a 'girl' bur may instead carry the badge of honor known as a woman's body. Things will be different for you, but that does not mean worse or bad. Just different. Not the same. But there will still be rewards, happy moments and successes. A human life should not become disposable so that life stays on plan for one person. It is the life that is unplanned that usually ends up being the most worth it.

A.

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 10:55pm
Okay, this is really absurd. The two, stay at home and PL, arent mutually exclusive! Most my friends who have children are SAHM's. None are PL. I just quit my job as CEO of an organization to stay home with my twins. And needless to say I'm PC.

That said, re read your *own* post! You cast judgement on working moms! You should cut working mom's the same break you seem to want. Respect them and their decisions. Oh...but I guess that goes against *choice* now wouldnt it?

Interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 11:16pm
I'm not sure that I understand the correlation between SAHM and PL.

As for SAHM's- I think that it's probably one of the hardest jobs a woman can do. I know I couldn't stay home FT! And I love my dd more than I could have ever imagined. People make choices dependent on what their wants happen to be. It's a purely personal choice.

As for PL- well same as above. Everyone has a right to their opinion and what they believe in. Just because your(collectively) views differ from mine makes you(collective) no better or worse a person than I.

And I also beleive that a woman can be pro-family and pro-choice and work FT. I am all three.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 12:06am
No, I do not think any of those things.

I do have a statement in return. The assumption that because I am PC and I work means that I am somehow not family oriented is horrendously biased. Your question is the proverbial court lawyer asking, "So sir, do you still beat your wife?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 8:04am

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That the 2 are totally unrelated. How do you wnat me to answer this? About how I feel about SAHMs in general , or PLers ingeneral?


I am a SAHM and PC, and know plenty SAHMs who are PC, and plenty of WOHM who are PL. So I cannot draw the correlation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:15am
Before you stick the REST of your foot in your mouth, I wasn't in any way trying to say that all sahm are PL. My point was in regards to those who are PRO FAMILY! Sorry you were able to spin it otherwise.

Secondly, I stated nothing derogatory about working moms. If you chose to read it that way, fine. Can't help your misinterpretations.

A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:18am
That is not what I was saying. What I was saying was that WORK and CAREER are not excuses to abort or to be anti-family. Also, I have had people treat me VERY differently since I started staying home. So, I wondered what the PC view was of SAHM's. If we put family before ourselves, does that make us weak? PC uses the excuse that having children at times, for many, get's into the way of dreams and wants. My point was that these dreams and wants may change with a child, but that doesn't make them less important or viable. Just different.

A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:20am
Again, I am not saying that ALL sahm's are PL. My point was what is your opinion of women who are FAMILY based and not SELF based. MOST of you who are PC and sahms that I have debated with claim that you would not personally have an abortion. So, obviously you are Family based and not SELF based. What is your opinion of women who forsake their own desires and social aspirations to build up and support their family unit?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:30am

<<What is your opinion of women who forsake their own desires and social aspirations to build up and support their family unit?>>


Well being one of them currently, I 'd have to say, "You GO girls!"
Seriously, since I believe in choice, I am glad that they are lving their dream, and iwsdh that those who'd like to but can't for financial reasons, also could do so as well~


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:35am
Oh, come on people! (not directed to you, winds)

Although this was not the main thrust of her post, do you really think there is not a correlation between being a SAHM and PL, and being a WOHM and PC?

I'd bet any amount of money that there is a correlation, and it's not coincidental, although of course there is not an EXACT correlation, meaning that you'll find many who fall outside the lines of correlation.

Of course there are a larger percenage of PC-ers who have dim views of SAHMs than there are PL-ers who have dim views of SAHM's. In part because SOME (but not all, not by any stretch) PC-ers are anti-child to begin with (let's not pretend there aren't any of them, the same way we won't pretend that a certain segment of the gay population, no matter how small, actually hates the opposite sex, and that would be a higher percentage of the gay population than of the non-gay population hating the opposite sex) but in larger part because those who are PC generally favor smaller families and are more likely to favor doing things with their lives that encompass things other than child-rearing (no, not making a judgment call on that, just stating an obvious observation), and because at least SOME PC-ers (greater in numbers than their PL counterparts) place economic pursuits ahead of at least SOME aspects of family life (whether that aspect is number of children in a family - again, making no judgment - or time spent with family members, e.g. working full-time while the two children are in day care).

You can argue all of these points but they're pretty obvious, and no, I don't have proof from a webpage of societal statistics. Just chiming in, winds, so that you won't think that everyone considers you crazy for raising this question. Perhaps plenty of those who "could never stay home" don't have any ill judgment of those who do, but your assumptions that greater numbers of PC-ers than PL-ers have negative views of SAHMs is a valid assumption.

I see now in viewing the post title that you have probably raised hackles by describing SAHMs as "pro-family" which makes the WOH people who are more likely to be PC deduce that you are describing them as not pro-family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:36am
I agree with you. What I have experienced as a sahm is that many judge us as lazy, ignorant, man serving, weak women. I disagree with them wholeheartedly. I believe whole heartedly that sahm's do have the hardest job in the world. Also, the most important job. My daughter is my measure of success - not my income.

I could not afford to do this on my own, so I chose to do home day care to suplament my income. And, between saving day care costs of my own, gas and lunch money, extra spending cash and what I actually rake in weekly, I am making as good a living if not better. Those who cannot afford it are not looking at this very viable option. But I do feel that all women should have the choice to work or not work outside of the home. Without the attached stigma.

A.

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