The Battle!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
The Battle!!!
80
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 5:17pm

Well it appears my last post really got quite a bit of discussion started. So lets see if I can get another debate fired up. Ladies you know us men we often open our mouths when we shouldnt.............oh well

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 6:22pm

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Yes, and unless he is found unfit, he can.

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Really? I have to start on my toes after using up all my fingers. In any case- I had 4 c sections, was hospitalized for a month due to PROM with my last, had adhesions that stuck my bladder about 8 inches higher to my abdominal wall causing years of UTIS in between my 2nd and third, and took about 2.5 hours of cleaning up after the c/s. I will NEVER be able to have laparoscopic surgeries in my abdomen which are far less risky than cut me open laparotomies and am almost ASSURED of needing a couple or more due to the awful profusion of adhesions aI form after each c section. I will live with the aftermath of those pregnancies and surgeries for the rets of my life. Willingly. But I'd NEVER support laws that would force a woman to take that risk against her will.

<< However getting back to my original topic shouldnt a woman be obligated to have the child for the man if he will father it and be a good father holding no responsibilty to the woman after the birth. >>>

NO. She should not be obligated to ANYONE to undergo physical risks for which she is unwilling to assume.

<< As a woman would you have a problem having a baby for a man you would no be a good father..............>>

After 4 c sections and being told to NOT to do so again, I'd have a HUGE problem with it. IF were 18 and ready to use a good scholarship- you betcha buns I'd be having that embryo scraped out no matter what kind of father the man might make. HE should grow a uterus if he needs a child that badly. Sorry- no discussion about that.

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Id' fight to my last breathe to make sure women keep the same rights as every other adult citizen in this country.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 6:28pm

"Ok ladies before you respond count backwards from lets say how about 10,000.........then respond."

I was going to respond to your actual post but I dislike the smarminess of statements like this. We are adults, not children, and we do not need your help in maintaining a reasonable argument. If you are genuinely concerned that everyone needs to count backwards from 10,000 before responding to you (and you feel the need to control the responses you receive), then perhaps you should either choose a different topic or a different way to present it.




Edited 2/17/2008 6:32 pm ET by hollyelizabeth2007




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 7:58pm

I think if a man and a woman end up pregnant after using birth control but the woman decides she wants to stay pregnant and the man goes with his original decision and doesn't want to be a father, he should be able to completely give up any right or legal obligation to the resulting child.


I think if a man and a woman end up pregnant and the woman wants to have an abortion and the man wants to keep the baby he's SOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 7:59pm

"Well if the roles are reversed and the woman doesnt want to keep the baby, shouldnt the man have the ability to get the baby after the child is born and have the woman pay child support."

No. For me personally there are medications that I can't take while pregnant that would endanger my life on a number of levels if I stopped taking it. There are also aspect that would get exponentially worse because of the pregnancy itself. I would not be willing to stop taking these medications for 9 months or keep taking the medicine and have a baby with severe problems. A smaller concern is the things I would not be able to do at work. I am the only one of 3 people that I work with that can do certain physically demanding tasks. The time I would need to take off would not only be financially difficult for myself, but disastrous for the other 2 employees who would have to cover for me plus still work their own shift. Especially since overtime is not allowed anymore, our place of work would simply go to shambles. I do non-profit work that I believe is very important and would not be willing to jeopardize our organization. Also, the prejudice I would encounter for giving up my child would be horrendous. It would not only be bad for my career personally, but would also have effects on the organization I represent. It in all likelihood would result in many donors taking their donations elsewhere.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 9:23pm

"If a man and a woman have sex and the woman gets pregnant and the man would like the woman to get an abortion.............she decides she wants to keep the baby, the man is then obligated to pay child support."


Exactly. Child support is for the child, not the other parent. I don't believe in denying any born individual what they are legally entitled to. A man can wish or prefer anything he wants... However, until he can grow a uterus, and use his body as life support to grow and nourish a Z/E/F, the ball is in the woman's court.


"Well if the roles are reversed and the woman doesnt want to keep the baby, shouldnt the man have the ability to get the baby after the child is born and have the woman pay child support."


I am not about to gestate a pregnancy- or ask ANY other woman to gestate a pregnancy- to fulfill someone else's desire to have a child (Well, that's not quite true... I'd be willing to gestate a pregnancy for one of my best friends, as well as gestate a pregnancy for my other best friend and his life-partner). If someone wants to do that, and feels that the utilization of their body for 40 (+/-) weeks is okay to them, then, power to them. I support their right to CHOOSE to do that. However, I will be fit to be tied to ever see a day where anyone OTHER than the person carrying the pregnancy gets to mandate or have ANY sort of weight in the decision on whether or not to continue gestation.


"Or for that matter lets say the man didnt even care about the child support, he just simply wanted to be a father."


Child support is for the CHILD. NOT THE OTHER PARENT!!!!!!! And, if a man wants to be "Daddy" that badly, he can go get married to a woman who wants to be a "Mommy" too. Or, he can go and see what he can do about adopting a child. Or, hire a surrogate.


"Now I have known many many friends and family members whio have given birth and I cannot think of one that had a problem during the pregnancy or at birth. I have seen so much talk about how dangerous pregnancy is


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 9:25pm
ITA with you!


Edited 2/18/2008 8:49 am ET by seirith
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 9:27pm

You might enjoy leafing through the past month's worth of threads as these topics have already been discussed at length a few times. I'm sure that many posters will enjoy repeating their stances, and we do have 3 relatively new posters who haven't yet weighed in - and we are certainly glad to have your opinions on things too - but it's not exactly new ground.

For me -
1) In America the risk of death is around 10 times greater for term pregnancy as compared to early abortion. The common side effects and other morbidity is greater with pregnancy than with abortion. Both are generally safe, but seriou risks do exist. One reason that you may not have heard about any of these complications is that women are loath to talk about them... but long term pelvic floor injury is a good example, predisposing to urinary incontinence later in life for many women and closely connected to childbirth. Point being, we can't predict the exact health risk of pregnancy, nor will we know the full impact until the old age of the woman in question.

2) I actually agree about the "men can control it while it's in their testicles, women can control it while it's in their uterus" line, even though it kinda leaves men out in the cold. I wish there was a way for it to be more equal but when it comes down to it we aren't made the same. I will never have the upper body strength that my brother has, despite being the same height and having similar training regimens.

Perhaps my comfort level with these inherent differences comes from being in the health field. We are not shy about discussing real differences between the sexes, such as risk of developing autoimmune disease.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 9:39pm

~Now I have known many many friends and family members whio have given birth and I cannot think of one that had a problem during the pregnancy or at birth.~


I

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: theliving
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 10:37pm
Where is the yawn icon when we need it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: theliving
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 10:44am

baby siggy

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