Duggars have obituary and memorial service for 16 week stillborn baby- WDYT?

Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Duggars have obituary and memorial service for 16 week stillborn baby- WDYT?
10
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 2:14pm

Following the tragic stillbirth of their 16 week (gestational age) daughter, the Duggars put out an obituaryand announced plans to hold a memorial service.

Some people are saying this is going a bit too far since they've never before seen an obituary for a baby at such a young gestational age. Others say the baby was a part of their family and the Duggars have a right to mourn however they like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010

I lost a baby (boy) at 16 weeks. It was devastating. While I find the service and obituary a bit odd and I wouldn't have done it, if it makes them feel better then

Nancy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2009
I'm sure there's probably a gestational age where medical professionals draw the line at miscarriage v. stillbirth, but who cares about semantics!? If having a memorial service helps them to grieve, then let them have a memorial service. I personally don't think I'd do it, but to each his - or her - own. I think we, as a society, could stand to be a little more supportive of each others decisions and beliefs, even if they're different from our own.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2001

While it may be a bit unusual, count me in as one who feels it's their right to mourn in their own way. If they find even a small amount of comfort in dealing with their grief by acknowleding their child's existance in publishing an obituary and holding a memorial service, what right does anyone have to object? Whether others consider it a still birth or a miscarriage is a moot point, in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011

I think it's a little over the top. But, isn't everything they do a little over the top? I was personally shocked that after their last experience they would go ahead with another pregnancy, but if they don't use birth control then I guess that's what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2011

While I imagine having a miscarriage is a devastating feeling, having a obituary for a fetus isn't something I would do.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Just wanted to add to what you said, sybil, I also think that she should stop putting her own life at risk and concentrate on the children she does have.

With regards to the topic, if it helps her grieve her loss, than so be it. They might think it will be healing for their children. In their eyes, the younger ones probably can't distinguish the difference in how old the fetus was, and they might be doing it to help them find some closure also.

 photo abbysummer_zps85da8a35.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011

Did anyone see that they had photos at the memorial service?

 photo abbysummer_zps85da8a35.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
I went through the pictures and am most disturbed by the last one, which was a group photo. Who does that at a memorial service? It's just so off, they are all standing there smiling like they are at a picnic or something.

 photo abbysummer_zps85da8a35.jpg

Avatar for cupcakebabe
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2011

I agree. That smiling group shot around the casket - tasteless and proves my theory that it's all for show and limelight. Ugh.

I've miscarried myself and I would never think of doing any of this. ANY of it. And the comments I've seen (not here) about how in the Victorian error people did this - NOT OF FETUSES.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Remember though, her body and mind have in my opinion never been free of the pregnancy hormones. She needs to be pregnancy free for five years. I believe GOD is telling her to stop. She needs to heal and I dont think what she did is nutty for the memorial, we grieve in various ways.