To elemkaye: I'll BRING IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
To elemkaye: I'll BRING IT
106
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 1:41pm
"Show me one, just one. And I'm not talking about the materially successful, I'm talking about women who are genuinely comforotable in their skin, who love themselves and above all who respect themselves. "

For starters, I'll show you one...Me. I am both materially successful AND completely comfortable in my skin. I love myself unconditionally and have unlimited respect for myself and others. Do I have regrets? Yes. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Who are you to say that women who have abortions lack the ability to ever love themselves???

My decision to terminate my pg was based on my childhood experience and what I knew at that time. What I knew was that I grew up in a drug infested neighborhood. A crackhouse. Without food at times, dirty water, no clothes...just the worst. I saw prostitution, rape, murder and drug use. I worked my ass off through my first 2 years of college to ensure that I, nor my children, would never go back. When I discovered that I was pregnant in my sophomore year...I faced a choice. I had not completed school and had nothing. I was not about to bring my child into a world with nothing...You say that a child should feel what it was meant to feel...well there are somethings in this world that no one should have to "feel." My decision to terminate was not a selfish choice..I wanted that child, but I did not want the child to grow up like I did. I was thinking more of the child than you may think. Also FYI, I used birth control, correctly, and it FAILED. So I was not irresponsible. And for those of you who would say that you should not have sex if you can't handle a child...Does that mean that poor women should live their entire lives w/o sex? I took the necessary steps to prevent a pregnancy, but it happened.

Women who have abortions are not evil people, who would throw their born babies into a dumpster or their elderly parents into a fire....Abortions are not the result of evil, selfish women..they are partially the result of the failure of our society to take care of women and children. Don't get me wrong, some women use abortions as birth control and don't give them a second thought. But there are some women, like myself, who simply lacked the resources to raise a child, and are unaware of the help that is available.

Believe it or not, I am not pro-abortion...I would never advise someone to have an abortion. But I don't think that you are qualified to make general statements about people that you know nothing about. You say that you want to stop personal mud slinging on this board, but the above statement is nothing but a jab at any woman on this board who has had an abortion.

ANYONE, and I do mean anyone, no matter what you have done has the ability to love themselves and others. People make mistakes, even big ones everyday. I did - but it doesn't mean that I can't come to terms with it and have a stable self-image. And I have...

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:04pm
Thank you for sharing your story ~ I am glad you had the right to make the best choice in your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:32pm


Well, then I guess it's lucky for you that despite the unfortunate circumstances you were born into, your mother didn't decide to abort you. That would have made one less successful, happy, loving person in the world. Too bad you couldn't give your baby the same opportunity to rise above his or her unfortunate circumstances that you were given.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:37pm
Welcome to the board and thank you for sharing your story with us. I think that no one can understand what it's like to be in *every* person's shoes and faced with the same set of circumstances and choices, what they would do. It is why I am pro-choice.

I used to get real upset with the "selfish" and "pro-abortion" labels because we know they are inaccurate. I think it makes is easier for some people if they can shove it all into a simple category. I know many pro-choice people. I don't know anyone who is pro-abortion.

I am glad you have found peace and healing.

Please stick around. It's been a bit rough around here lately. Unfortunately, people seem to be confusing debate with insult and pettiness but it is NOT everyone and the most vocal do NOT necessarily represent the tone of the board.

Take care,

KJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:39pm
Too bad you were unable to listen to a differing viewpoint with any degree of civility and respect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:41pm
I don't know why you say it has been "rough." On the contrary, I was thinking that while the difficult issues come up, many are silent, and only come out when they have a chance to say, "Rah, rah!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:43pm
Well, the board is here for debate. Aside from the fact that I saw no lack of civility or respect, this is not a support board, right? If dissenting words are never spoken, the debate peters out pretty fast. Then, as I said previously, we only have a lot of "rah, rah! Good for you!" and the infamous "ITA!" posts with the thumbs-up sign.
Avatar for tykwondosha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:43pm
<> Oh, but you are! If you see nothing wrong with it then you are not against it. People who say they are against it for themselves but not for everyone else are for it, period. Furthermore, you had one, that you don't regret.

$tefLuvaLuva

Mother of two children who dropped out of college to raise them b/c they are more important than I am.

Avatar for tykwondosha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:45pm
I know people who are pro-abortion. So do you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:48pm
Hm, so debate doesn't include manners? That's interesting. When a new PL poster comes on and shares her story, I somehow manage to disagree without getting in her face.

No doubt you'll disgree but "aren't you glad your Mom didn't abort you" is less debate and more snip.

But that does seem to be the pattern lately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 2:48pm


The poster makes the point that she did not want her unborn child to grow up the way she did, but also makes the point that she ended up a successful, happy, loving well-adjusted person. I don't see how pointing that out is either uncivil or disrespectful.

Pages