The Father

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
The Father
13
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 9:46pm

I was thinking about something today as I watched my husband asleep on the couch with our little girl and thought I would bring it up and see what everyone's response was.

If a woman becomes pregnant and decides to have an abortion, does the father of that child get a say in the matter?
What about the rights of the father? Should he be allowed to have a say in the future of his child? If he wants that baby why should he be denied it, what makes his rights any less important than the womans? I know what my answer is I was just curious to see what others opinions were and why.
My oldest brother was heart broken after his girlfriend had an abortion with his child. He begged and pleaded her not to but she wouldn't have it any other way. He died a few months later after running his car into a tree and I am still bitter to that fact because he was denied the chance to have life beyond his own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: kasiemay
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 9:53pm

"If a woman becomes pregnant and decides to have an abortion, does the father of that child get a say in the matter? "

Legally? No. He has no right to dictate what happens with her body since he assumes zero risk in the pregnancy and, well, it's her body.

I do believe that a relationship built on respect, love and companionship dictates that he have input. That, however, is beyond the realm of law and should be decided based on the relationship of the two people in that particular situation.

"My oldest brother was heart broken after his girlfriend had an abortion with his child. He begged and pleaded her not to but she wouldn't have it any other way. He died a few months later after running his car into a tree and I am still bitter to that fact because he was denied the chance to have life beyond his own."

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kasiemay. I'm sure that having his son or daughter around would have helped you mourn because a piece of him would be with you in him or her. Yet, you can't know what it would have been like, if the mother of your niece or nephew would have be supportive or even allowed you to visit, so don't hurt yourself with bitterness. It's already hard to have to deal with the daily reality of having lost your brother. Remember, you have a part of him in you too, being his sister. Hugs to you....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
In reply to: kasiemay
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 10:56pm
>>>>Yet, you can't know what it would have been like, if the mother of your niece or nephew would have be supportive or even allowed you to visit,<<<<
Your right, but I like to imagine that my family would have gained custody of the child, seeing as how she and her family so obviously wanted nothing to do with it.
And Thank you for your kind words, but I don't think anything will help me let go of the anger I have for her although God knows I have tried.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
In reply to: kasiemay
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 11:11pm
I personally think this is something that people should talk about BEFORE having sex. That way there are less suprises when you get a positive test. I dont think a women should ever be forced to stay pregnant. But one thing that I think should be an option is if the women doesn't mind being PG the father can sign a contract taking on all righst of the child and all the costs of the child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:33am

I don't know what would have happened if my husband had opposed the abortion. I mean, I know I would have done it anyway, but I don't know what his reaction would have been.

As it was, he did want to talk about what would happen if we continued the pregnancy. I was willing to have the conversation, so long as he understood that it was merely an intellectual exercise, because I was indeed going to have an abortion.

In the end, that exercise solidified even further our choice to be childfree. For every positive change to our life that we could think of, we came up with two or more negative ones.

Anyway, I guess my point is, in a good relationship, a couple will talk about the abortion decision, but in the end, it's up to the woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 12:27pm
When its his body that will endure the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth then he can have a say, but until such times his rights end the second he ejaculates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:25pm
Did you and Sophie's father discuss this before you had sex? This isn't a sarcastic question I am really curious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:56pm
Um, did you forget she was 12 when all this started?
Sandy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:48pm
Unless he can take on the physical pg then, no he has no say. Once the baby is born then his rights should supercede her ability to place the child for adoption.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:53pm

"Your right, but I like to imagine that my family would have gained custody of the child, seeing as how she and her family so obviously wanted nothing to do with it."

It doesn't work that way. My brother's DD was supposed to be given up for adoption because the mother's parents were going to force that option on her. Sixteen years later, they have 50/50 custody.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: kasiemay
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:43pm

I agree! I don't understand why so many people don't talk about these things before they have sex! Both my husband and I are on the same page about kids and we have both said that if I got pregnant we would have an abortion if I was not far along and if I was we would give the child up for adoption. We just don't want children and we both know that.

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