Have you adopted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Have you adopted?
80
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 4:42pm
Lets talk about the other side: adoption. I think is hypocritical for those people that condemn and vilify a woman because she has opted for abortion instead of adoption, however, most of these people have never adopted or even considered the possibility of adopting. There are many many homeless children, specially older than 3 or 4 years of age that nobody wants. The very very few people that adopt want babies. Is a baby more worthy than a 5 year old? How can you say that adopting is the most humane option? how would you rather spend you whole life rejected, living from foster home to foster home vs. destroying a fetus whose brain is not even developed enough to feel pain?

Funny too, many religions that even using birth control is a sin but promote adoption so much. How can a family help the problem of homeless children if they are raising 6 or 7 or more children of their own? even more hypocritical are the people that are pro lifers, but when they can't conceive because nature doesnt want them too, they go to the extremes of AI, in vitro, etc, instead of giving one of these children a chance.

My uncles (pro choicers, btw) wanted to adopt a baby. They already had a girl of their own, but felt really bad for all the homeless children. They ended up adopting a 6 year old girl instead of a baby and their stories of all the homeless children they've seen is extremely heart breaking. This only makes me wonder why so many people promote adoption so much, when there are so many children that already need a home? do they really know the severity of the situation? Right now I am in vet school and if I get pregnant despite all the protection I use, you can be sure I am aborting. I am not going to abandon my studies and live the rest of my life wondering "what if".... working in a low job and probably going into welfare because I owe so much in student loans right now. I dont want to add to the homeless children problem by adopting either, and neither I want to live wondering how my son/daughter is doing and if s/he hates me for giving him/her away.

For those that are pro lifers and have adopted... kudos to you. You have the right to speak, and I admire your choice and by doing what you preach.

And for those people that mentioned animals..... lions kill their young if they have a chance so that the females will come in heat sooner. Many animals get pregnant and dont wnat their babies, they simply abandon them. During migration, if a baby zebra, gazelle, buffallo, etc falls behind because of a broken leg or any injury, is simply abandoned. Most animals don't commit abortion because they can't, but birds can abandon their eggs if they deem the place they chose to build their nest is not safe enough or if the resources (feed, water) are low. Animals work by instinct, humans have a conscience and can make decisions of their own. Dont vilify your own specie. Mother nature is very tough too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 7:57pm
Lets talk about the other side: adoption. I think is hypocritical for those people that condemn and vilify a woman because she has opted for abortion instead of adoption, however, most of these people have never adopted or even considered the possibility of adopting. There are many many homeless children, specially older than 3 or 4 years of age that nobody wants. The very very few people that adopt want babies. Is a baby more worthy than a 5 year old? How can you say that adopting is the most humane option? how would you rather spend you whole life rejected, living from foster home to foster home vs. destroying a fetus whose brain is not even developed enough to feel pain?

<< a LOT of those children unfortunately are not *adoptable* due to parental right issues. And more than a very, very few people adopt newbies or older children. I live in a very small town and know of a family who adopted 5 children/siblings - NONE were infants. I know of another family who adopted 2 siblings. YES there are children out there who deserve a home and don't have one, doesn't relate to abortion to me >>

Funny too, many religions that even using birth control is a sin but promote adoption so much. How can a family help the problem of homeless children if they are raising 6 or 7 or more children of their own?

<< LMBO you aren't saying all or even MOST religious families have 6 or 7 kids are you? GEESH. >>

even more hypocritical are the people that are pro lifers, but when they can't conceive because nature doesnt want them too, they go to the extremes of AI, in vitro, etc, instead of giving one of these children a chance. << Pro-Choice doesn't include the CHOICE of conception? >>

My uncles (pro choicers, btw) wanted to adopt a baby. They already had a girl of their own, but felt really bad for all the homeless children. They ended up adopting a 6 year old girl instead of a baby and their stories of all the homeless children they've seen is extremely heart breaking. This only makes me wonder why so many people promote adoption so much, when there are so many children that already need a home? do they really know the severity of the situation? Right now I am in vet school and if I get pregnant despite all the protection I use, you can be sure I am aborting. I am not going to abandon my studies and live the rest of my life wondering "what if".... working in a low job and probably going into welfare because I owe so much in student loans right now. I dont want to add to the homeless children problem by adopting either, and neither I want to live wondering how my son/daughter is doing and if s/he hates me for giving him/her away.

<< wonderful gift your uncles gave and received >>

For those that are pro lifers and have adopted... kudos to you. You have the right to speak, and I admire your choice and by doing what you preach.

<< EVERYONE has a right to speak .... btw how many have you adopted being as you are so passionate about the unwanted older children out there? >>


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 11:12pm
"I think is hypocritical for those people that condemn and vilify a woman because she has opted for abortion instead of adoption, however, most of these people have never adopted or even considered the possibility of adoptingI think is hypocritical for those people that condemn and vilify a woman because she has opted for abortion instead of adoption, however, most of these people have never adopted or even considered the possibility of adopting"

You don't need to have directly experienced something to have an opinion on it. Regardless, in my opinion taking away a fetus's right to life couldn't possibly better than adoption. A fetus that has been killed has no chance at all.

"How can you say that adopting is the most humane option? how would you rather spend you whole life rejected, living from foster home to foster home vs. destroying a fetus whose brain is not even developed enough to feel pain?"

Easy. I would definitely rather be alive than not alive. Regardless of whether it hurt or not. And what's this "spending your whole life" thing? Whole childhood maybe, and those are formative years... but I imagine at 18 years old you're pretty much out of the social services system.

"I am not going to abandon my studies and live the rest of my life wondering "what if".... working in a low job and probably going into welfare because I owe so much in student loans right now."

You really think that the fetus to grow into a child - a person - is not worth as much as staying out of student loan debt??? You know how many people out in the world have student loan debt? Student loan debt isn't going to put you on welfare - you can repay on a sliding scale based on your income, dependents, and living situation.

"I dont want to add to the homeless children problem by adopting either,"

Your healthy infant is VERY unlikely to go homeless. And it's not going to prevent an older child from being adopted. People who want infants - want infants. If they don't get them from private US adoptions, they typically go international.

"neither I want to live wondering how my son/daughter is doing and if s/he hates me for giving him/her away. "

I'd rather my child hate me and be alive, then not be alive at all. And the level of selfishness it takes to say your wondering how they are doing is a reason to not carry a pregnancy to term is astounding. I say their life takes precedence of your "wondering."

"For those that are pro lifers and have adopted... kudos to you. You have the right to speak"

We ALL have a right to have an opinion and to express it. You clearly have one, even though you haven't adopted.

-Deb


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 9:01am
I ahte to say this, but what does adoption have to do with abortion? adoption is a POST pregnancy option. abortion is a pregnancy option. they actaully have nothing to with eachother in the context of abortion debate.

in my opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 9:20am
It absolutely has to do with this. Abortion is about getting rid of an unwanted child. Adoption is a way to do that without killing it.

Kim 

Mom to Brad, Ma

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:24pm
Yep, its a reasonable question to ask. And you'll find you'll get all sorts of answers, and reasons why adoption is still "always" the best option, despite the reality that many, many children go through the foster system and are never, ever adopted (91,000 last year in CA alone).

Personally, I'm PC and we did consider adoption. Thankfully, we are now 7 months pregnant with twins but still may adopt in the future.

But regardless of whether or not PL folks actually *do* anything to help the *real* children in need or not, what amazes me is the attitude that their opinion should influence all other women. That feeling that so many PLrs have that they can tell another woman that her choice is "selfish" or "wrong" without any consideration to the circumstances. And worse, that most would like to *outlaw* abortion without any real concept of what that would mean to many poor women (let's face it, women with money would still get safe, legal abortions in other countries were the US to make it illegal. I've seen this first hand in a country I lived in for 4 years where abortion is illegal).

Bottom line, it should be every woman's choice. Its a personal choice, not one that should be dicated by anothers religious beliefs, or by Govt. And the fact that PLrs can't accept that is mind bogglingly self centered imo.


MM

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:33pm
"You don't need to have directly experienced something to have an opinion on it. Regardless, in my opinion taking away a fetus's right to life couldn't possibly better than adoption. A fetus that has been killed has no chance at all."

Okay, then why arent you out there adopting babies put up after the mother decides not to abort?

"Easy. I would definitely rather be alive than not alive. Regardless of whether it hurt or not."

Yes but that's because you are a sentient being with a mind, with experiences, with cognative thought. An 8 week old fetus doesnt know its alive, nor does it know when its aborted. It doesnt even have a central nervous system or any brain activity yet.

" And what's this "spending your whole life" thing? Whole childhood maybe, and those are formative years... but I imagine at 18 years old you're pretty much out of the social services system."

Yes, and what kind of life do most of the people who come out of the social services system have? Most live marginalized lives. Think about it. Our childhood influences us for the rest of our lives. And again, you are talking from a sentient beings perspective. Remember, a fetus isnt there *thinking* anything. Its not there *thinking* it would rather have the opportunity to live through the foster care system or not. Thought and human emotion don't enter into the equation till far far later in development!

"You really think that the fetus to grow into a child - a person - is not worth as much as staying out of student loan debt??? You know how many people out in the world have student loan debt? Student loan debt isn't going to put you on welfare - you can repay on a sliding scale based on your income, dependents, and living situation."

Irrelevant. If she doesnt want a child then she shouldnt burden herself or the system with one! Birth control is her best option, or abstinence, but if those fail, then abortion is *her* option if that's how she feels. Its not up to you.


" I'd rather my child hate me and be alive, then not be alive at all. And the level of selfishness it takes to say your wondering how they are doing is a reason to not carry a pregnancy to term is astounding. I say their life takes precedence of your "wondering."

Again, just your opinion and remember, a fetus isnt a sentient being. Her hypothetical choice doesnt effect a child it effects a fetus.

" We ALL have a right to have an opinion and to express it. You clearly have one, even though you haven't adopted."

Of course. Even when that opinion is hypocritical to others...which was this posters opinion in her original post.


MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:39pm
but again. adoption is not a pregnancy issue the way abortion is. adoption is only an option after a woman chooses to continue an unwanted pregnancy. I honestly do not think they ahve anything to do with eachother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 3:43pm
I so totally agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

several PLer's ahve said how they care about both the woman and the "baby" but that the woman's needs or her families needs do not compare to the right of the fetus to not be aborted even sometimes reguardless f the medical situation. That the woman in a medical situation, wether she beleives in God or not, shoule trust in "God" to see her throught the pregnancy...that is his will wether she or the fetus survives it or not. They completely disreguard the needs of her born children who will suffer horrribly if there mother dies because no one and nothing matter as much as that fetus...the one that cannot suffer and feel pain prior to 24/26 weeks or may be suffering horribly or die.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 5:30pm


I havent adopted because Im still in school and not even married. Im not planning on having any children, but if I do later on, I might adopt one. Hope this answers your question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 6:05pm
MM:

A standing ovation for you... agree with all you've said. Interesting that your opinions come from first hand experience while most of the pro lifers here are going only on emotion and religious grounds.

===

"We ALL have a right to have an opinion and to express it. You clearly have one, even though you haven't adopted."

Of course. Even when that opinion is hypocritical to others...which was this posters opinion in her original post.

===

Exactly. Everybody has an opinion and everybody has the right to express it. However, in this debate only pro choicers that dont force women to have or not have abortions by legislation, and PL that have adopted are the only ones that are not hypocritical. Abortion and adoption DO have to do with each other. The choice given to women seeking abortions is adoption. Is not really that hard to understand.

And about the earlier comment, I never mentioned that all "religious" families have tons of children, however the ones that believe that contraception is a sin obviously do. And those are the same families that want to force women by legislation that want an abortion to adopt instead but they wont take the baby.

And what does me not having any adopted child makes me hypocritical? I am not forcing any woman to put her unwanted child for adoption! I am not the one blinded by abortion but not seeing the big picture....

====

Easy. I would definitely rather be alive than not alive. Regardless of whether it hurt or not. And what's this "spending your whole life" thing? Whole childhood maybe, and those are formative years... but I imagine at 18 years old you're pretty much out of the social services system.

===

Tell that to the children that grow up to be marginalized, neglected, and in many cases, in drugs. Some of them come out of their adversity, but unfortunately most don't. They grow up many times considering suicide, drug dealers, wife beaters, etc... Some commit homicides... is the life of the people killed by them worthy more than an unborn fetus that is technically a woman's parasite? Definitely the ones considering suicide would've rather had their moms aborted.

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