having the baby can be "selfish", too

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
having the baby can be "selfish", too
25
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 9:57am

An argument that we hear from the PL side quite a bit is how abortion is a selfish act. The woman is not considering the life of the potential child, but rather how pregnancy/childbirth will affect *her*.


I wanted to visit/discuss the other side of the coin.


Sometimes - more often than we like to think - having the baby, and keeping it, is the "selfish" choice. As an adult woman, I have seen this scenario to many times to count - there are thousands of selfish reasons to keep a child you can't care for, IMO.


And I'm heading off the adoption argument here, as well. Sure, in a perfect world, all unwanted pregnancies would result in a healthy, full term newborn being adopted by a wonderful family. But how often does that scenario actually take place? How many women do you know who can actually go through with it? The answer is not many. And thusly, sadly, there are unwanted babies born every day, who grow up to be unwanted children, and not properly cared for.


Anyhow, IMHO, it is far more selfish to bring a child into the world that you never wanted in the first place. Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

Absolutely! My parents were the most selfish creatures for keeping me instead of aborting me...and my mother's DOCTORS were practially demanding she abort ..in her 8th month...because of my disabilities! There are many many days I wish she would have listened...not because my disabilities made my life hard, though they have...I can deal with that.....it's THIER behavior .....the constant feeling that I was unwanted....a nusience...the abuse I suffered, though mainally verbal and psychological was extensive.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Gosh Sara, I never knew it was that bad for you growing up. (((huge hugs))) I'll bet that's why your kids are so precious to you-
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006

I think it certainly can be selfish to keep the baby.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
((Hugs)) Thanks. The only real bright spot growing up was my grandma (mom's mom) I have no idea how such a kind wonderful woman spurned such evil children. She saved my sanity many times growing up and is probably the only reason I can function as well as I do (ok and Therapy ;) )

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006

"Especially considering that not only did she not have the means to support the child, but she also in the years after that went through a dark period of drug and alcohol addiction. She's been clean for many, many years now but what would've happened had she kept her child through all of that?"

It's quite possible that the drug and alcohol use was an attempt to dull the pain of having to give up her child. Adoption is very hard on the birth mom, and I'd imagine much more so if she has a few months to bond with the child. I'm very pro choice, but I have to say I wish no one were ever put in the position of having to give up their child because they can't afford to keep them.

100_0377
My Kiddo :)



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009

My choice to have my son was absolutely selfish. 100%. We WANTED him. He never asked to be born. I felt incomplete as a childless woman, so I had a baby. Of course my SO wanted kids too, but if he hadn't I would have found a man who did. Seriously.

It was possibly the most purely selfish thing I've ever done. And it rocks ;oD

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009

OT, but I'm counting the days til New Moon comes out in the cinema.

Sigh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
I agree with you! Having a child is selfish. We had our DS because we were too selfish to put it away, even after discovering we were out of condoms. ; ) He was completely wanted, although unplanned, and that was selfish, too. And our next baby will be conceived with an even more selfish heart because how could I possibly stop at one when my DS is so great?! :D
Jack 9 months siggyLilypie Breastfeeding Ticker
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

Ha ha right about now I need NM like most people need air...I'm so obsessed. if you're on the fanfic persuasion you need to read "Wide Awake"


http://angstgoddess003.livejournal.com/


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