having a baby you know will be sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2009
having a baby you know will be sick
34
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 10:49pm

First off I want to say I have always been in the middle of the abortion debate, on the fence I guess, not really knowing what I believe is right. I personally for myself do not believe in abortion so I choose abstinence. I don't however feel its my right to decide or judge someone else for choosing abortion. My question below is merely out of curiosity and trying to find understanding.

I was born with a rare genetic disease. My mother did not know this before I was born. I was diagnosed with it at age two but they knew something was wrong with me before. I spent most of my childhood and early teens in the hospital. It finally caused liver cancer and I required a liver transplant.

I have met others who have or had genetic illness and or transplant who want children so bad they are willing to risk their own lives as well as the baby and in some cases the baby is prone to getting the same disease as the mother. I don't want to judge so much as much as I want to know why? I mean, I get some people badly want to be a mother more than anything and thats natural thought, I can respect that and its basically up to that person to define what risks shes willing to put herself through, that being said....

I can't fathom putting my own life at risk to have a child and then getting sick again and possibly dying leaving that child without a mother and the father to raise it alone. To me that isnt fair. I also can't see putting a child through the disease I had. I am grateful my mom had me and I am alive but I don't want to see a child go through what I went through. Some would argue that, I should be happy my mother didn't feel this way...which that is true. She had wanted to abort me but something told her not to...that and my aunt was preggo too and talked her into keeping me so they could be preggo together.

Anyway, curious of your thoughts....thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 11:34pm

Welcome,


I am one of those people you can't understand. My whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I was born with a condition called Hydrocephalus & also suffer from Epilepsy....Though Hydrocephalus isn't extremely rare, It's not a very common to see an adult woman facing a pregnancy with Hydrocephalus because most women of current child breaing age are either mentally handicapped or otherwise affected to carry a child.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2009
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 11:44pm
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 1:22am
As a healthy woman with a healthy SO and a healthy son, it's easy for me to say that I would never knowingly bring an unhealthy baby into this world. Would I feel differently if I had some sort of condition that I knew could be passed on? Who can say? But I think I tend to agree with you. If I knew that any fetus I was carrying was going to have a short, painful life, I would definitely consider and probably lean towards abortion. Aside from my life being in danger, that's the only reason I personally would abort.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 5:30pm

I am pro-choice and I am a mother of three children. One has special needs, but is high functioning.

I have a thought specifically when it comes to a fetus with a condition that makes it "non-viable", like Anencephaly (which is when they are missing their skull & brain, and is 100% terminal) and abortion.

I personally believe strongly in reincarnation and I think that if you have a child with a profound disabilities that is not going to live very long or have any quality of life, the humane thing to do is have an abortion and let their soul reincarnate to a healthy body. I have read stories of mothers that felt very righteous about giving birth to a baby with Anencephaly and would never have aborted. I think these cases have way more to do with what is right for the parents than the fetus.

That being said, say that there was a big move by insurance companies to "mitigate their damages" and they decided to make a policy change, where in a situation with a non-viable fetus, they would pay for a late term abortion, but they would not be obligated to take on the financial responsibility of the medical bills if the parents chose to have the baby. That would most certainly bankrupt the parents, as these high needs babies are very expensive and once it's here, of course you cannot euthanize it if the medical bills are too much. If it came up for a vote, whether or not to allow the insurance companies to do that, even though I strongly believe that late term abortions in this situation is the "right" choice, I would NEVER vote to take away a woman's right to choose...even if it was not a choice that I thought was right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 5:36pm
Welcome to the board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 5:41pm
Oh, thanks! I really have never felt very compelled about this issue until Dr. Tiller's murder. So, so tragic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 5:58pm
Wow- unreal. I am with you on all counts.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 6:01pm
I agree with you completely. : ) Well said.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 4:51pm

I wanted to comment on

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 1:05am
I love the idea that your daughter is still with you in your son. I, personally, believe that my grandparents, who passed a few years ago, were with my son before he came here to us. I love thinking that my grandparents kept my baby boy company until it was his time to come to us. : )
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