Isn't there some kind of new law we can

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Isn't there some kind of new law we can
12
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 6:25pm
get passed? One that includes the alleged teenage fathers? It's just so easy for them to walk away. Claim it's not theirs. I don't think there is a man around who would want to be faced with this monumental decision. We can't very well make them pregnant (although I'd love to make them wear t-shirts annoucing they were expecting a child lol). The point is that this is a hard decision for any teenage girl and she is not soley responsible for her circumstances. If guys had to have the children I guarantee we would see A LOT less unwanted pregnancies. I know we cannot test for paternity during pregnancy and this has given the guys the freedom to ignore the whole issue and refuse to accept any responsibility. The truth is, even if the girl had 5 possible fathers, there is still a reason they could be the father and that is enough reason to want to help them become more responsible and respectful towards women. If the boys were more responsible and respectful towards sex and females it would seriously cut down on teenage girls and abortion. There has got to be a way to stop them from getting off scott free, while the girl is left with a decision such as this. Any Ideas? Tammy

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 9:42am
Sorry, Tammy, I have to chuckle a little b/c I just don't think there are *any* consequences severe enough to prevent a teenage boy from wanting to have sex. They'll risk death to get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 4:34pm
I hear that!!! LOL n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 11:17am
You know, we have this little saying that "boys will be boys". When it applies to real life you can see the problem. My god, do they have to grow up just like the rest of us? Mabey, mabey not. In this country we have a persistant problem with women being the ones responsible for morals (and career, housework, raising the children, staying in shape, cooking, erand runner, etc., etc.), you can see the problem already. I agree with you, something needs to be done. Paternity tests should be enforced, a girl should not be soley responsible for such a large responsibility. If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to take responsibility for your actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:33pm
Yes!! I agree with you!! Everything I'm going to say is only from complete experience of my own and not an assumption that all men and boys are this way.

Yeah, I had the super dooper sex talk in school, it was pretty much a cramer course on how to have sex. That is the only thing that I had take from that.

I was 14, a freshman in highschool, and I started becoming sexually active. Unfortunatly, at 14, we don't have the power to actually comprehend things. And I'll tell ya, it really scares me when I see 14 year olds now, and realize THEY could be having sex.

Anyways. September of my senior year in highschool, I got pregnant. My daughters dad at the time had just graduated highschool. so we were young, hormonal and ignorant.

He didn't believe me when I told him. I hadn't had my period and I wasn't feeling good. It was not until January when I finally took a pregnancy test. I didn't even have to wait the 2 minutes, i was definatly pregnant. He made me swear up and down that I wouldnt' tell anyone, and I didn't. He wouldn't accept it. I'm assuming he thought that it would just go away.

I was a very skinny girl and about 6 months pregnant, there was no denying i was pregnant. So we had to tell his parents. (Mine were out of the picture) They gave me the option of adoption or abortion. I picked neither. Screw them, they wern't going to tell me what to do!! (Typical teenage statement huh?).

Whelp, to make this long story short. I was pretty much on my own, He did not help me at all. I was working full time and going to school, spending all my money on baby things that I was going to need, while he ran around town, with whomever whenever. This is the guy who woke me up at 2am in the hospital while i was in labor to tell me to hurry up and have this kid already because he was tired of being in the hospital.

I wasn't with him after she was born, and when I went to take him to court for child support, he demanded a paternity test. even though he knew that baby looked just like him and I wasn't with anyone else. Of course, it was his, he now has to pay child support, but since he works for his dad, he gave the judge fake w-2s so I wouldnt' get "his money" cuz ya know i'm just so money hungry. He's the guy who thinks that he's a dad just because he pays out some support. I'm going on 23 now. The babys great. It's just a shame that she hasn't seem her dad in quite some time. Like I said, I'm not saying every situation is like mine, but it seems that us girls are most of the time burdened with 95% of the consequence. I was stupid, yes, but i wasn't stupid on my own. I think a law would be great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 12:32am
Tammy,

On the flip side of your thought---there are men who would desire to bring their child into the world, but that choice is denied them. I've heard it many times on this board from pcers---"the choice is yours---the man (or boy) has no say in the matter". With that attitude no wonder many young men get a mixed message. As for boys being more responsible for the circumstance I agree that in many cases they do just walk off without a second thought. My Dad who is 81 says that when he was a young man in such a case the father of the girl could bring charges, insist on child support or insist on a "shotgun wedding". As the mother of two teen boys I certainly agree that boys need to be taught to be responsible for their actions. It saddens me though that in our society that a young girl can make a decision to abort without talking to her parents, without talking to the father, and this is considered right even though it is clearly striping both parents and fathers of their rights. We teach that boys are unmindful of the girls they date, yet we are fine with girls deciding on abortion without a thought of the young father who may be willing to raise the child. As for a law that would insist on child support---yes that would be nice. We've had this discussion in the past and even pcers have stated that they think that if a woman can choose to abort (not become a parent) that a man should have the same right not to be forced to become a parent. The best defence is to raise both girls and boys that respect eachother and would do their best to show responsibility for their actions.

Ruth

God Answers Prayer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 9:44am
>>>It saddens me though that in our society that a young girl can make a decision to abort without talking to her parents, without talking to the father, and this is considered right even though it is clearly striping both parents and fathers of their rights

-------

Ultimately, the decision to carry a child to term, to bring that child into this world lies with the "mother" - the individual inside which the child is growing. Until the "father" or the parents of the pregnant woman can effectively relieve the pregnant woman of her pregnancy, and take it on themselves, the decision will continue to lie solely with the pregnant woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 9:49am
But the crux of the matter is, it is STILL and probably always will be, the pregnant woman who is taking on the physical and emotional risks of gestation and childbirth and it's completely wrong for that to be FORCED onto any other human being. It has to be her decision. And let's face it, men can say they will be there but they reserve the right to *change their minds* and the woman cannot do the same once she has a child.

There really is NO other way for the decision to be made except by the one who is taking the most risk.

Even in this day and age, the risks associated with gestation/delivery are not completely predictable and I will never understand how anyone who has had a rough delivery could possibly be callous enough to think we should legislate so that women have to go through that against their will. It's horrific.

And making it possible for men to have a "say" is going to result in just that. Not all men are bad and I'm not saying that but human nature being what it is and they way we raise our males, if they have the opportunity to manipulate a situation to their advantage, they will. Besides, Ruth, what if their "say", the "right" that they exercise is "I want you to abort?" Should we force that, too?

It's unworkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 12:32pm
"the pregnant woman who is taking on the physical and emotional risks of gestation and childbirth and it's completely wrong for that to be FORCED onto any other human being"

Assuming we're not discussing rape here... who "FORCED" that woman to have sex? I think we all know that no matter what birth control you do or don't use, you may get pregnant if you have sex. So the only person who can "FORCE" a woman to gestate is that woman herself.

-Deb

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 1:54pm
Aah, yes. The ol' "she was bad and had sex" argument. Consent to sex DOES NOT EQUAL consent to pregnancy. Quite simple, really. A woman using birth control quite clearly does not want to be pregnant.

Making the option of safe abortion illegal or impossible is, by default, FORCING someone to have a child against their will.

The circumstances surrounding the sex life of humans are completely variable, unpredictable and, here's the kicker, NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS. As much as some people want to try to make the rules in everyone else's private life, they can't. Nor should they.

Better education, better prevention and, yes, safe, legal abortion as an option, is necessary.

Take away someone's choices, you are FORCING them to do what *you* think is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-26-2003 - 10:12am
I don't believe anybody said that when a woman makes the choice to engage in sex that she is "bad"...just that she made the choice to have sex...there are consequences to having sex....one of those can be pregnancy....we all know that....doesn't make any of us "bad"...nobody goes into the act of sex blindly....we all know what can result from having sex...birth control or no birth control.

Pages