MEN (vent alert)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
MEN (vent alert)
16
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:37am

So after having a pregnacy scare, my husband is even more adamant about not wanting another child. Whereas I really wouldn't mind having one more. BUT I am totally happy with the children that we already have and am fine with our family being complete.

Bt whenever I bring up that I think that he should think about getting a vasectomy he gets mad. I think that it is fair because I carried all 3 prenancies and pushed all 3 kids out. He says that is a stupid argument because he didn't force me to have kids in the first place.
And I am terrified of surgrey and even more so of anesthesia. So to me the logical conclusin is that he gets a vasectomy(rather than me being on birth control for the rest of my life). Escpecially since he is the one who is more sure that he doesn't want more children.

What do you think? Am I being unresonable? Is he? Is there a happy comprimise? (Just a note, I am also one of those women who should not have an iud,not an option.)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:45am

Quick solution - tell him you are going off all BC and if he ever wants sex again, he'll get a vas!

OK, just kidding - well, sort of.

Ask him if he has any logical reason for not having a simple, outpatient procedure as opposed to you having invasive surgery or continuing to push hormones into your body.

What was his reaction to your scare last week?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:00pm

>>What was his reaction to your scare last week?<<

Oh s#$d, We're f&#$@d

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:16pm

Wow. And he's still not motivated to get a vas?

I wouldn't use giving birth as a trade-off - it's a separate issue.

Present him with the facts - hormonal BC DOES present health problems as we age. A tubal is an invasive procedure that presents far more risks to you than a vas does for him.

Quite frankly, I'd have zero interest in having sex with a man who had so little consideration for my health and concerns. (And yes, I know a "vent post" can make things sound far more magnified than they are in real life!)


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:41pm

Are you married (or do you have a signifigant other)?

I just need someone to talk to about the WHOLE situation. Could I talk to you (like e-mail you I mean)?

Just a side note, the Lipizzaner Stallions are coming to my town in August and I am SO excited to see them. I heard that it is awesome. The things those horses can do, beautiful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:44pm

I happen to agree with sisfox...a tubal is far more invasive and more expensive than a vasectomy. Men are just babies, face it. He's just scared and wants you to have it done. Bottom line is you really aren't sure where you stand on more kids and he seems to be...so if he is "that" sure, then he should have it done...if in the future "you two" together change your mind, it is far easier to have another child if he gets a vasectomy than if you have a tubal. If you have a tubal it is much harder to have another child...besides, he is the one that is so adament that he is "done" having children...as if he ever gave birth to begin with...LOL! It really is easier and less expensive for him and the procedures today are much less invasive than he has probably been hearing about...he is probably just squeamish about being "messed" with...he needs to get over it. Sigh...why do we women have to do *everything*...not really funny, eh?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:03pm

Absolutely you can email me through my profile. Not married, but have had my share of long term r-ships.

And yes - the Lipizanners ARE amazing. There's a substantial difference between the Spanish Riding School of Vienna and the group that tours the US, but for entertainment value, the average person wouldn't know. Enjoy the show!

And I look forward to "talking" with you. :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:39pm
Had same sort of problem with my husband, except he promised for 3 years to get the vasectomy until I finally had the tubal. Then he didn't get sex for 6 months. AT ALL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:59pm

I told my husband that when we're done having kids, one of us is getting fixed, and it's NOT going to be the one who gave birth to our kids.


He balked, of course.


So I said he has two options:


1. He goes to a doctor and gets

Lori
**Navy Wife to Eddie since Dec 2002**

Avatar for hydromommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:25pm
No...you are NOT crazy to ask him to get a Vas. , in fact I absolutely WOULD withhold sex from him until he gets his act together...present him with info on Vas risks VS Tubal risks....and if he STILL doesn't bite.....tell him to enjoy getting reaquainted with his hand :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:32pm

I am so sorry you're going through this. And I'll be honest and say you *really* do not want me to voice my thoughts about your husband's take on this. TOS violation doesn't begin to cover it.

Hugs,

T

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